Losing a close male friend because of their girlfriend's jealousy

[doodle08]

Hi all,

I am looking to get a male opinion on this... I have a very close male friend who I have known for almost 15 years. He has been with his girlfriend for almost 3 years now and they have a 2 year old together. Since the beginning of their relationship his girlfriend has had a problem with our friendship and how close we are, but I have always tried to include her in things, inviting her along to everything and even trying to make opportunities for us to get to know each other without him around but she has never taken me up on it. More recently it has been getting worse. He keeps getting hassle any time he mentions me and any time we meet (such as going to the pub with a group of our mutual friends) and I am convinced she has actively started using their child to stop him from going out by suddenly deciding she's going out herself when he says he wants to. He recently started telling me a lot of personal things about how he feels in their relationship and have been trying to support him as his friend, but it has just given him more and more hassle at home. I didn't want to turn away a friend who needed someone to talk to, but I was also very aware that his friendship with me was causing a lot of the hassle he was having. Then I found out he had started not telling her and meeting me behind her back. She has always been adamant that she does not have a problem with me, but I started to notice how much she was trying to control him and was even told by his family that they once practically split up because she told him to stop seeing me and that she always brings me into arguments.

Since all of that, I hit a bit of a low point and found that my friend could not be there for me (he wasn't allowed) and lost my temper with his girlfriend and told her to stop pretending she doesn't have a problem with me. She now openly hates me and won't let me near her or their child, but he was fine with it at the time and said that he would not stop seeing me and would not stop me from seeing their child.

However... he has now stopped talking to me, saying he can't "allow" himself to be friends - what does that even mean? I know I can't do anything about the fact that he is no longer talking to me and I can't make him. All I can do is be there for him if he ever does change his mind. I am really aware that I am pretty much his last friend that has stuck through it as each of them have fallen out with his girlfriend and I hate that he is now facing things on his own. She complains that he's miserable because he never has time to see his friends, but then gets really controlling when he tries to make time. I would love to get any opinions on this because I am going insane thinking about the fact I have lost one of my oldest and closest friends and he is left in the situation that he opened up to me about alone. Has anybody been in a similar situation from a man's perspective and wouldn't mind sharing how things panned out?

[Hooo!]

Go to her and speak to her if he isn't man enough
I have had this happen
The guy went with his wife
That's sad but now I am glad he is out of my life. The relationship changed him to the worse and he can't even stand up for his friends.
You can mediate and talk
But in the end it's his decision to be a coward or not
Or her decision to stop being a bitch. But I doubt wether that will change even if you make the effort to try

[pcmaster]

I can totaly understand her. had this girl who had close male friend at work and she had full FB with her and pics of him together while we had no pictures together at all. It looked in FB like shes in relationship with him not me.

Anyway as long as he giving her plenty of his free time she shouldnt feel insecure. But then again she fears to lose what she have or just cant deal with her hormones.

[Anniveve]

Rule number one - In the vast majority of instances where there is conflict between a man's friends and his wife, she will emerge victorious. It's a no-brainer really. I don't know if you're married or not, but keeping peace @ home generally will take precedent over hanging out with his homies. (If he's a smart man. What's that old adage - A happy wife equals a happy life.)

I'm not unsympathetic to what you've described is occurring. Could be she is insecure and overly possessive of her time with him.

If you want to get back into your male friend's good graces, you're going to have to apologize (and make it sound sincere) to her. That's the only opportunity you have at this point to salvage the friendship you have with him. I wouldn't encourage a face to face meeting with her. She'll likely find a reason to dodge that given that you lost your temper last time you saw her. I would write to her either an email or an actual letter stating that you were wrong and are sincerely sorry for your outburst. Tell her that you value your friendship with both her and her husband and hope that she will be forgiving.

If it's not worth that effort, then you're better off just letting it go.