Delimma

[Devilace]

Hi , I am new here . Basically I am 38 year old. My last relationship is a few years back . Now I got problem, I wish to find someone to settle down but I never realise as I get older I can't find my partner easily. Even friends around me also have settle down and doesn't have much friends to intro to me . I did thought of going to a find love agency to try but I have read many negative comments. I am a quiet and shy guy whom don't have much friends. Anyone can advise me what to do ??

[Hooo!]

What exactly keeps you from online dating?

[TheEvilJester]

I HATE online dating. You'd think it would be such a great tool to meet people, especially for people like myself and Devilace who are kind of shy. It's easier not to be so shy online. But, from my experience, online dating is an absolute joke. Nobody takes it in the least bit seriously. You can message 100 people and not a single one will respond.

....BUT... Even after saying all that, I'd still recommend trying it for yourself. I just recommend NOT doing it with any expectations. Go into it expecting that you'll get nothing out of it. Go into it expecting that nobody will respond to you and it will just be a waste of your time. I say that because then, if that is exactly your experience, you won't be as disappointed since you expected it anyway..... But maybe you actually will have success and be pleasantly surprised.

It's too late for me because I've already become jaded by online dating. I don't see any point to me trying again because it does nothing but frustrate me and make me feel MORE alone. But, in this day and age, how else do adults meet people? Especially when they aren't super social. Take me for example. I don't really like to go out to bars or clubbing or anything like that. I graduated from school years ago, so I no longer have that as a place to meet people. So, basically I meet women at work and that is it.

I guess the other advice I'd give is to try to get into some social hobbies. Something you will enjoy, but that can be shared with other people. Don't do that with the intention of meeting women... just do it with the intention of having fun. That will help you relax and be more you.... but you may even wind up meeting some women there as well. The good thing about that if that does happen is you'd know you at least have one thing in common. So, it would be a good starting point to get to know them a little better and maybe ask somebody out.

Beyond that, though, I would recommend you try online dating even if my personal experience hasn't been that great. Again, I just say don't get your expectations too high.

[Hooo!]

Well a lot of my friends have had lasting success with meeting their partners online
Maybe you are using the wrong platform or looking for groovy personalities or...

I know online dating to work out for very many of my friends.
I understand that you don't like it
However that's more likely due to you doing something wrong than due to the whole thing

[TheEvilJester]

I think it is more due to the fact that I'm just a monster and nobody wants to be with me. Believe me, that whole "You are probably doing something wrong" is always what EVERYBODY says when somebody says they don't have any luck with online dating. Believe me, I'm NOT doing anything wrong. I've read all the "expert" advice on how to best use it. In fact, if you ask the people who insist "you must be doing something wrong" for advice on what exactly you could be doing wrong/what to do right.... they always spout the same advice..... and it is all advice I've already heard and used.

I use the right kind and variety of pictures for my profile. I don't just blanket e-mail every girl I can find but instead e-mail ones that actually seem like we have stuff in common. I don't send them a stupid form letter basically just saying the exact same thing to everybody. Instead, I tell them a little about me, and a little about what specifically in their profile caught my eye (to show I actually paid attention)..... yet at the same time I don't write them an entire novel.

All that sort of stuff. I've followed all of it and it doesn't work. Not for me. ....BUT, yeah, I do honestly think there is a very good chance it is just me. Again, not necessarily that I am doing anything wrong per se, but just that nobody would want to be with a creature like me. So, it wouldn't matter if I'm trying online dating or meeting people face to face. It's okay, though. I've come to accept who and what I am. It is easier some days than others, but I'm learning to accept it.

I mean, maybe I should try other sites since I've mainly used Match.com. Still, Match is one of the bigger/more popular ones. If I don't have any luck there I doubt I would elsewhere.

P.S. What exactly do you mean I'm maybe looking for "groovy" personalities? LOL! Aren't we all looking for somebody with a personality that meshes well with ours? I mean, should I instead be looking for people with NO personality? LOL!

Anyway, mainly my point, though, is you SHOULD give online dating a try. Why not at least try it? I just think, don't get into it with any expectations so you can either be pleasantly surprised at best, or at worst you weren't expecting results anyway so it won't bother you as much.

[GLYC]

Start reading books on forming good communication skills, practice it and commit to it. You will become an extrovert.
Start talking to random women. If it makes it easier, initially talk to women without trying to get phone numbers. Just use basic conversations.

You go grocery shopping, pass by a woman looking at frozen beef. "Having a Grill and Chill party this weekend or something?"
It's dumb, but it's that easy. It's like talking to somebody you've known for a long time but you don't know them, people usually respond very well to it.

If they don't respond well, whatever, see ya.

I talk to people everywhere i go, men and women of all backgrounds, social statuses, ages, etc.
It's fun, and like you, I was very shy and introverted.

[richiro]

what do you enjoy doing?
what puts a smile on your face?

go do that.
find clubs or associations that do that.
join single older actiity clubs and go do that
volunteer at something you enjoy and believe in - and meet tons of other peopel that also enjoy that...

realize that evry moment you are out of your house is a possible moment of meeting somebody special and be open to it - but don't be desperate and focus on it... just don't have blinders on when something comes along.

dating and relationships is the result of some random circumstance where both people were open and aware, and didn't let the moment pass by and disappear. that's it. IT'S RANDOM. CIRCUMSTANCE.. its never planned, scheduled, focused, or pre-conditioned or prepared... remember that.

[Hooo!]

It can happen planned and unplanned.
It is not random.
You can have the right attitude and skills to make it more probable
So no. It's definitely not random