Need Advice

[Curiouslywaitin]

Hey everyone, I need some advice about how to proceed with a girl. To give you some background, I've known her for over 8 years now. During that time she's been in a relationship as have I. She's somewhat shy and has been in a relationship with her high school sweetheart, but I feel she's grown apart.

It seems we've developed feelings for each other. Whenever we hang out, she is so flirty and smiley with me. We always get along so well and respect each other. It's usually very easy for me to tell when someone likes me, but her actions are confusing to me, which tell me to back off. I understand my feelings might be clouding my judgment which is why I'm turning to you guys to help me see what I should do.

Without going into too much detail, she has given me so many signs over that past 8 years that she is attracted to me. When I Google "signs a girl likes you," she is pretty much every single one, and some in spades, which goes along with just how I feel too. She must know my attraction for her as well, as it's hard for me to hide my feelings, and she is very smart. We've done this so much that I can't doubt it. Take my word for it. I'm just confused because thay as far as she will pursue it. She never contacts me to just say hi or for anything for that matter. It's always me doing the contacting. Just to say hi or ask her a question, etc. We've had so many opportunities to hang out alone, and she rejects ever single one, resigned to hang out only when it's a group setting.

So my question: Why is it so obvious that she likes me, and blatantly shows she does when we hang out, yet won't pursue it beyond just group settings? I've backed away before to clear my head, and even tried ignoring her, but she always comes back. Have you guys seen this before? She's not a player in fact she's very down to earth. Trust me on that. On the contrary she's a very sweet old fashioned girl. She's also a rule follower so maybe she's just drawn some lines she won't cross, but then why all the other signals? I'm just confused how she can be so attracted to me and I to her, and willing to show it on every level but only up to a certain point, and then backs off everytime? I think it would really help me to let go if I need to, if she could stop being so intriguing to me.

So, girls out there with all your wisdom, help me understand and break the mistique. Do you know why she's possibly acting the way she is? Have you seen it before? Again, I don't think she's a player,so beyond that, I WILL listen to you if you have advice, so be nice Thanks in advance.

[Curiouslywaitin]

Bump! bump!

[CC20]

Okay, so from what I can tell, this girl and I are a lot alike (not to be presumptuous), so I could maybe lend you my perspective to why she's giving all these signals? I hope it'll help clear some things up for you!

So, she's been in a relationships for a while now right? Coming out of a relationship can be very confusing for a girl, because suddenly we don't have that one person that we can turn to anymore (not meant in a girl NEEDS a guy type of way). It could just be since you guys have been friends for so long she falls back into habit when you hang out (because it's a comfortable and trustworthy relationship after 8 years) in a group? Then she realises she's being unfair and backs off... This doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings for you, but it could be causing a lot of confusion between the two of you.

Another reason I can possibly think of is that she likes the attention. I swear I don't mean this in an offensive way, 'cause like I said, I'm a pretty old-fashioned girl myself and I can't help wanting that kind of affection and attention either (it's human nature). This could explain the flirting and smiling when you're in a group, because she knows she has your attention and not anyone else, but when you're alone she won't have to compete for it (same as the texts). Guilt then kicks in and she backs off again...

I honestly hope this helped. As far as what you can do about it, that's a tricky one. She could be backing off not to lead you on, but she could also be backing off because she wants you to make the first move (it's this stupid defense mechanism that some of us girls have). Still, when it comes to girls, taking the plunge is usually the best idea, because at least you'll know where you stand with her afterwards.

[Curiouslywaitin]

Thank you for your answer. I think you are spot on with what it could be (I know it could be one of a thousand very legitimate reasons). It just helps to hear it from a girls perspective.

Her name is Emily btw. I guess my confusion is, I'm ready for more, so I naturally assume she is too, but things aren't happening as fast as I want. Things ARE definitely happening, just so slow. I mean you like me, right? text me and tell me "Hi," or when I suggest we do something alone, say "okay!" I mean the mere fact that she won't hang out alone with me or contact me really is the answer, right? But the tension and flirting between us when we do hang out is just so intense (and no, it's not just me). So there must be something holding her back.

With all relationships, there is a mutual build up. People flirt > start to hangout > touching > hold hands > hug > kiss > etc, etc, etc. But in her case, she wont move beyond flirting only in group settings. Brick wall! I just don't understand. I must concede that I could be reading her signs wrong, but I don't think so. Either way, I know she has her reasons, and they're probably one of the ones you listed.

I think her feelings probably are confusing to her. After all, she does have children and is still married as am I. That is a lot to consider when pursing love with someone else. We are both religious people too, so I also have been battling this, but it's just to the point where I can't deny my feelings for her anymore. I just wish I knew her magic that helps her resist better than me.

Seriously, what do girls do that make them so strong lol???

[Snow White]

When I read your first post you spoke of a "girl" who you had feelings for etc. and then I read this last one and it changed everything! You have known each other for 8 years and although she is flirtatious, which a woman will be with a man she knows finds her attractive, she has never been aggressive about spending time alone with you. I think what you want from her is clouding your thinking. After 8 years if she wanted you you would have had her. Sometimes a married woman with children welcomes flirtation to make her feel like she is still desirable. Like you said, the mere fact that she won't hang out with you alone or contact you should tell you to leave her alone and perhaps work on your marriage.