In Love

[Snow White]

I was reading all the replies and I was surprised that none of the guys said that if a guy is interested in you and you are sending him those little flirtations, that he would simply ask you out. I realize it is modern times and the woman can take the initiative, but don't you guys just take action anymore? His response about not mixing dating and work came as no surprise. If he had been interested, he would have taken action, in my opinion.

What I can't believe, Jane, is that you actually asked what his comment about mixing business with pleasure meant. He couldn't have been more clear. I am sorry my dear, but he simply is not interested in you in a more than platonic way. You can finally put your mind to rest.

[TheEvilJester]

I was reading all the replies and I was surprised that none of the guys said that if a guy is interested in you and you are sending him those little flirtations, that he would simply ask you out. I realize it is modern times and the woman can take the initiative, but don't you guys just take action anymore? His response about not mixing dating and work came as no surprise. If he had been interested, he would have taken action, in my opinion.

What I can't believe, Jane, is that you actually asked what his comment about mixing business with pleasure meant. He couldn't have been more clear. I am sorry my dear, but he simply is not interested in you in a more than platonic way. You can finally put your mind to rest.

Some guys are just super shy (he says BEING one of those guys, LOL). So, they may over-analyze everything and not ask somebody out unless they feel relatively comfortable there is a good enough chance. Or they may over-analyze and wait for a "perfect time" that never presents itself. I know because I've done the same kind of stupid mental torture to myself in the past. So, just the fact that he hadn't asked her out is not a foregone conclusion that he's not interested.

....BUT.....

Given the latest update, I'd agree it sounds like he is not interested. I wish I could say otherwise, but that is how it looks to me.

Jane,

You most definitely found a way to subtly, yet no so subtly hint that you were interested in him. I actually think you did a great job of that. I think your comment to him was perfect. Saying "you could date me," but yet sort of half passing it off as a joke. Even if he is super shy (I don't know if we've established he is, but I'm just saying IF), I think that was a pretty obvious hint. Heck.... I am RIDICULOUSLY shy around women.... and if I liked a gal and she said that to me.... I'd JUMP at that chance.

So, I think his response means one of two things. 1) He isn't interested in you, but also didn't want to hurt your feelings. 2) He sincerely does not like to date co-workers due to the potential issues, so whether or not he could have potentially been interested in you, it is not something he'd want to pursue anyway.

Either way, it sounds to me like it is a no go.... but the good news is at least now you know. That is so much better than just being left to wonder. Even better.... the way you found out could not have been more innocent/easy. Heck, you didn't even have to go so far as actually directly asking him out and getting rejected. You did it as sort of a joke (yet with obvious implications). So, that may actually make it much easier just to move on and act as though it was sort of meant half as a joke. It could be easier/less embarrassing now just to forget it and go back just to being friends.

Again, unless that will be too hard for you to do, then you might be best to limit interaction with him as much as you can. Good luck to you either way. I hope you find somebody great very soon, whether that winds up being him or somebody else entirely.

[Hooo!]

in my experience you regret the things you did not do the most

that doesnt mean you cannot regret stupid stuff you ****ed up with too...
chose what you want.
if your work is akward because of not acting then you might as well act imho.
it depends on what you really want.
Theres a price to pay either way.

[TheEvilJester]

if your work is akward because of not acting then you might as well act imho.
it depends on what you really want.
Theres a price to pay either way.

That's a really good point, so I wanted to specifically highlight that. I think that was put very well. Earlier in this thread, you mentioned how it is really awkward and uncomfortable for you at work because you couldn't stop thinking about him. ...So, yeah, that already sounds pretty awkward and hard to deal with. So, asking him out and getting rejected doesn't sound like it could be any worse. Frankly, even better because at least then you could eventually move on.

As it is, you HAVE now sort of taken action and it seems he's either not interested or just doesn't like dating co-workers. So, again, either way it sounds like a no-go, but at least now you know that. So you no longer have to wonder. Hopefully that can help you to move on now. Not that it will be easy, but knowing is better than being left to wonder. Good luck.