All lines between ' friends' and 'lovers' totally blurred out...feeling very confused

[lovemenot]

So just need to vent a little bit...
Been dating this guy for 6 weeks, we were both head over heels in love and totally all over each other in the beginning, but it became a bit messy by the end and arguments started and jealousy and trust issues (we were both in long term relationships when we first met and kind of cheated on our partners and that caused distrust I think in our own relationship which was the main cause of all the jealousy and all problems..).

So he couldn't take it anymore and broke up with me. He had some other reasons too (wanted to focus on studying, needed time to reflect on his past relationship and figure out what happened and how and also had some personal psychological issues..).

But we both still wanted to interact with each other so we stayed friends.

We kept seeing each other every day in class. And even on weekends we always find things to do together: we go to a library to study or to some events or shows and to a pub quiz night every week or just go for some beers or go out to eat together sometimes... And we keep constantly texting each other (most of the time his initiative) when we aren't together. He even comes over and we make food together (or he makes food) and we watch tv shows together... And this been going on for 3 months now..

And we get along i'd say superbly.

But we also started sleeping together recently. Which caused a lot of disruptions. After a few times I told him I don't wanna be just a toy for him and we shouldn't sleep together if we're just friends.
Because it causes a lot of mixed feelings for me and makes me feel really bad about myself and kind of rejected afterwards.

He then told me it's not just random sex for him, that he still has a lot of feelings for me too.
He said he thought about stopping spending time with me and contacting me at all, because his feelings aren't gone anywhere and it makes this whole "friends" thing very difficult for him too. But even though it's difficult in the end he still wants to spend time with me because he thinks I am a great girl and smart and original and he enjoys being with me a lot...And he even said he feels like we are soulmates. And I feel like that as well.

But he says he doesn't want a relationship right now, that he has deep personal issues which he wants to take care of first and that's the only reason why he doesn't try to start a relationship again. But then we slept together again... We obviously can't stay away form each other..

And when we are together it's great! The best moments of my day are when I am with him, doesn't even matter what we do. And having sex with him is amazing. Even though I know I shouldn't and I know I will feel bad later, but I just can't help myself, it just feels so right...

But then when we aren't together and he is not texting me I really really miss him...
And I start feeling really bad and think all these crazy paranoid things that maybe he met someone else... or that he will all of a sudden decide to stop talking to me cause it's too much for him.
Or that maybe it is just sex for him...cuz we slept together yesterday, after that we went to a pub, had a great time and kept texting each other while we fell asleep. And few days before that we couldn't stop talking and texting till the middle of the night each day and we were hanging out as much as possible and he really showed initiative... but then today we barely talked. I texted him this morning to see how's it going at a new job and then we talked a little and that's it. Well of course he had to work all day on this project, but still it just feels weird.. I am driving myself insane already... And I really really want to text him, but I think I shouldn't.

So yeah..just really needed to sort my thoughts out..If anyone have any thoughts or insights on this, please share..
Also if anyone could tell me how to make myself resist him, that would be great too.

[Hooo!]

What exactly do you want?

[lovemenot]

I really want to be with him forever
And I also want him to be happy.
But if he doesn't want to be with me, I can't make him.
All I really can do is just wait I guess.
Or should I just keep talking to him about all this and somehow hopefully influence him to want to be with me?

[pcmaster]

Well I don't see any friendship here since you are having sex. Might just go all the way and make this official relationship cause basically you are in relationship already, just holding back. Feelings are there and intimacy is there so you cant be friends thats for sure.

[Snow White]

Hmmm, I'm confused. I believe I just posted on your other thread about giving up on love. Is this the same guy you mentioned that was having very serious psychological and family problems so he broke up with you? Also, yu don't "kind of" cheat on your partner and that fact can really change the whole dynamic of your other thread.

Anywho, have you ever seen the movie 'He's just not that into you', or heard the saying (one of my mom's favorites), "you don't buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"? This guy is totally a big bullshitter. He enjoys your company. He sees you whenever he wants and has sex with you. Yet, he doesn't want to be in a "relationship" with you because of his deep personal issues. So, he gets everything he wants without having to give you any kind of commitment at all. I am sitting here shaking my head and thinking this guy is a genius. Soulmates?! He has got a lot of balls.

[Snow White]

Hmmm, I'm confused. I believe I just posted on your other thread about giving up on love. Is this the same guy you mentioned that was having very serious psychological and family problems so he broke up with you? Also, you don't "kind of" cheat on your partner and that fact can really change the whole dynamic of your other thread.

Anywho, have you ever seen the movie 'He's just not that into you', or heard the saying (one of my mom's favorites), "you don't buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"? This guy is totally a big bullshitter. He enjoys your company. He sees you whenever he wants and has sex with you. Yet, he doesn't want to be in a "relationship" with you because of his deep personal issues. So, he gets everything he wants without having to give you any kind of commitment at all. I am sitting here shaking my head and thinking this guy is a genius. Soulmates?! He has got a lot of balls.

[lovemenot]

[MENTION=42177]pcmaster[/MENTION]
we talk about making it official sometimes, cause we both realize it's a stupid position we are in... and we both realize we're not "just friends".

But he's just not able to devote any time for a relationship at the moment, he really has a lot on his plate and I don't even feel comfortable talking about his family and other problems here, but it is all serious stuff and takes a lot of his time and energy.
So the other option we discussed was to maybe stop seeing each other at all - cause it just hurts both of us and makes it real difficult sometimes to even be next to each other...
But we both still want to see each other and have each other in our lives and do things together and can't even imagine doing the things that we do without each other...
And these discussions come up from time to time again and again but we just talk it all out and let our feelings out and feel better and in the end just decide to keep on doing what we're doing.. It's just such a mess... are we just fooling ourselves?

[MENTION=85802]Snow White[/MENTION]
"you don't buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" - this is what I keep telling myself every time after we sleep together... And I feel horrible then.... And I definitely swore to myself - never doing it again, unless we actually make it official. And we talked about that a lot with him and both agreed to keep our distance.
But even the sex - it's different than "just sex". I mean probably every woman can tell the difference between when he's there just for sex and when there are feelings involved..(I am not sure I am explaining it clearly - english isn't my first language). Anyways, we're not doing it again. I just have to be strong about that. But it's so difficult sometimes - I'm so attracted to him.

But I think if we can manage to keep our hands off of each other - it should be alright.
Or bring a whole bunch of new problems...
I am already getting tired to think about what's going on between us and what we should do, so by now I am basically just going with the flow and will see what happens;]

[Hooo!]

.
Or should I just keep talking to him about all this and somehow hopefully influence him to want to be with me?

What do you think would have the higher chance for you to be with him forever: 1) waiting 2) doing something about it?

[lovemenot]

Well I think that if I started doing something about it now, while he already has so much on his plate it might just make it more difficult for him and scare him away and I could actually lose whatever chances I might still have with him in the future.

But to be honest, talking to people here gave me a little closure already. And that feeling is just growing stronger.
I realized I am tired of feeling not good enough and tired of chasing him and doing everything just for him, just so he would like me more... And wondering all the time what he's thinking and waiting for his messages... Time to realize it's over and move on.

I will just focus on myself for now, on studying and my hobbies and doing things that i like for myself and regaining my own inner happiness and peace.
We will remain friends with him I believe and whatever happens in the future happens. But I think I am done for now.

Thank you everyone who took time to reply here and helped me. Thank you very very much ;]