Quandary

[Subzero]

I never understood what love really means until the past 2-3 days when I perhaps lost that person forever who I had loved for nearly 9 years. Unfortunately, because of a myriad of both self created as well as some realistic assumptions, I suppressed my feelings and lived in total and complete denial that she was actually the special one for me. All these years, I went out with a number of other amazing women to get over her but never did I once feel that warmth, fondness and affection for anyone that I had felt for her. Despite the fact that I crushed my sentiments and buried them deep within my heart, I constantly yearned for her and thought about her a lot. 

While I kept wavering in my heart and mind, I encountered the inevitable a couple of days ago when she told me that she's getting married in the next six months. Although I had expected that I’ll be hearing such one day since a very long time, I did not AT ALL imagined how it actually will feel knowing that I will never be able to end up with her. The kind of pain, sorrow, regret and grief I have experienced over the past few days is simply indescribable. It has made me realise that it is hard to wait around for something that you know might never happen, but it’s even harder to give up when you know that it’s everything you want.

I have talked to a couple of friends of mine and except for one of them, all the others have told me to leave this as it is and to forget about her. I know it is too late now and completely useless to go and tell her how I feel about her, but this is exactly what I want to do. I harboured so much affection and love for her all these years and I do not want to burn in this anguish for the rest of my life with her not knowing about my feelings. Maybe right now, I am overwhelmed with emotions and not thinking properly ? But this thinking ‘rationally’ and ‘properly’ is what has landed me in the position that I am currently in. What should I really do ?

[Snow White]

So you are saying for 9 years you have had feelings for this woman? Why did you not ever say anything to her? What would you hope to accomplish by telling her how you feel now? If you really need to confess and get it off your chest and feel it would not put a damper on her wedding, perhaps you could write her a letter. I don't know...how would it make her husband to be feel? Are the two of you still going to be in touch after the wedding? Will your feelings make her uncomfortable? You had 9 years...you must take into account everyone's feelings at this point.