a bit sad

**equivo** · 20-10-05, 04:02 AM

ok what i'm about to say is quite tragic, and i'm expecting some flak for it.

basically i'm still not over my ex, who dumped me over 6 months ago.. and the saddest part is we were together for just 4 months.

its kinda gone through stages, and at some points i was sure i was over it, but now i feel like my feelings are the same as they were about 5 months ago.

i'm fairly sure the mistake i have made is not sticking with no contact. we still see each other every 2 - 3 weeks (recently anyway). i know the answer is very likely to be "just get on with your ****ing life and stop contacting her", but the thing is i did do no contact for about 2 months of this 6 month period, and nothing seemed to improve. this is turning into a ridiculous joke cos she should mean nothing to me after this long. i feel like i'm just not getting anywhere with this.

she broke up with her new bf recently and has been coming to me for comfort, so i don't know how i can sort of stop contacting her without upsetting her more. i know i shouldn't care about her feelings really but i can't help myself, i care far too much about other people.

i'm expecting some harsh comments here so feel free. i know this is pathetic

**carpflounder** · 20-10-05, 04:15 AM

Sit down with her and talk things through. Or try..maybe you'll feel better knowing that you have talked about your concerns with her.

**TAVS** · 20-10-05, 04:37 AM

Who cares if it "upsets her more" To hell with her, she dumped you, it's not your job to make sure she's happy after the fact.

**Rosebud** · 20-10-05, 05:19 AM

I can understand where you are coming from but I think you ahve only two options on this one. 1) Talk with her about your feelings for her and how this is hurting you to comfort her and be very honest about your true feelings, or 2) let it be, forget her and move on without any contact what so ever. Let her get over this guy how you had to do it.

Tone · 20-10-05, 05:22 AM

I can sympathize with you though... I talk all this shit - but I've always been there for my ex, no matter what she needs, no matter what it takes, no matter what it cost me.

I agree with the others though, if she's single now, talk to her. At least you'll feel better that you got it off your chest, instead of keepin it inside.

**Lloyd95** · 20-10-05, 05:41 AM

Originally Posted by equivo

i'm expecting some harsh comments here so feel free. i know this is pathetic

Well that takes all the fun out of being harsh on you.

**Vanilla Gilr** · 20-10-05, 06:13 AM

Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Well that takes all the fun out of being harsh on you.

Ahhhhh...that's sweet...Lloyd has a heart...

be careful or you're gonna totally blow your persona

**whaywardj** · 20-10-05, 07:56 AM

I have one word for you, Equivo. Chill. Then a few more for the board.

I've posted here before about a woman I'm close to who's been in and out my life in all manner of forms for the last five years. Currently she's back in, after a two-month hiatus (the fourth or fifth such break-up of varying durations). First, she doesn't want to commit. Then, she be "an idiot" not to. Then she just isn't able to. Then she wants to be just friends. Then she loves me, but I don't have enough money. Then she is "really hypocritical to feel that way" and doesn't care about money. Then all over again from the beginning. I stopped taking my cues from her about a year ago. As long as I'm unattached, she may come and go in my life as she pleases. It has little to do with me. I quit wishing for one thing over another from her. I just take what she offers and I leave the rest. You might find this interesting: [url]http://shesnotthere.cx.la[/url]

Moral of my post? Expect nothing. Hold onto nothing. Accept everything. Until the right woman comes along and stakes her claim on you. Then adjust accordingly.

**Lloyd95** · 20-10-05, 10:17 AM

Originally Posted by Vanilla Gilr

be careful or you're gonna totally blow your persona

Whoa now! Does this mean you think I'm a baby??

**whaywardj** · 20-10-05, 10:22 AM

Ever notice on this board how every thread sooner or later becomes a becomes a flirt thread? Maybe it should be renamed "Flirtforum."

**misombra** · 20-10-05, 10:31 AM

Originally Posted by whaywardj

I have one word for you, Equivo. Chill. Then a few more for the board.

I've posted here before about a woman I'm close to who's been in and out my life in all manner of forms for the last five years. Currently she's back in, after a two-month hiatus (the fourth or fifth such break-up of varying durations). First, she doesn't want to commit. Then, she be "an idiot" not to. Then she just isn't able to. Then she wants to be just friends. Then she loves me, but I don't have enough money. Then she is "really hypocritical to feel that way" and doesn't care about money. Then all over again from the beginning. I stopped taking my cues from her about a year ago. As long as I'm unattached, she may come and go in my life as she pleases. It has little to do with me. I quit wishing for one thing over another from her. I just take what she offers and I leave the rest. You might find this interesting: [url]http://shesnotthere.cx.la[/url]

Moral of my post? Expect nothing. Hold onto nothing. Accept everything. Until the right woman comes along and stakes her claim on you. Then adjust accordingly.

you should change the title to "how to love an emotionally unavailable person". because those are useful tips for loving for the all-too-common "emotionally available man".

indigosoul · 20-10-05, 01:49 PM

Originally Posted by whaywardj

Until the right woman comes along and stakes her claim on you. Then adjust accordingly.

This is another way of saying find a woman who knows what she wants. Then make sure YOU know you want her & go get her!

**equivo** · 20-10-05, 03:24 PM

Thanks for the feedback guys. I could learn a lot from that link mr hayward, so thank you for that.

I've decided to wait until she next contacts me (it's been a couple of weeks with no contact so far, and usually i contact her first anyway) and I'll see how I feel about it then. I'll choose to either meet up and talk it over with her, or go with the no contact route (something I probably should've done months ago).

I think I've just been too weak to firmly stick with no contact. This girl is one of the only females in my life who I can really relate well to and get along with for hours, just me and her. I honestly wish we had just become friends and nothing more.. she would be a fantastic friend to me. It's a shame it's turned out this way

**Only-virgins** · 20-10-05, 04:27 PM

So many pansies in this world...*sigh*

**whaywardj** · 20-10-05, 07:12 PM

Originally Posted by misombra

you should change the title to "how to love an emotionally unavailable person". because those are useful tips for loving for the all-too-common "emotionally available man".

Yes. I'll do that tonight after I come in from work. I was crying in my beer at the time, so it was all on the woman in my eyes. (Besides, men don't behave so. Do they?)

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