Where should I be looking then?

[CleanCut]

So... people on here keep telling me that I'm looking in wrong places to find a decent girl to end up with; well then, so if online dating and meeting people in person day to day are the "wrong places" to be looking, then please tell me where are "right places" to be looking?

[pcmaster]

Man look everywhere you go. You will find interesting lookings girls everywhere you go - in shops, hospitals, streets, bus stops etc. Its just takes caurage to talk ti a complete stranger, cause you cant hide behind computer screen . The right place to find a troubled girls is dating sites. So yeah man there really are some gems out there in real life. Only problem that they all have boyfriends or they are not looking for one. But it doesbt mean they dont want one.

[CleanCut]

That is what I do and you certainly got that right man as 99.9% of the time I talk up a girl in the day to day public that I'm interested in; they turn out to be not single, or at least that is what they tell me anyways. My luck is just plain awful lately with both women and life in general.

[lovebroken]

Friends, I always say friends. They always know someone and they know what their situation is, or was and if single and wanting a new relationship and what type of guy that girl is into and what they would like out of a partner. Friends always have the inside scoop on that.

[CleanCut]

Friends, I always say friends. They always know someone and they know what their situation is, or was and if single and wanting a new relationship and what type of guy that girl is into and what they would like out of a partner. Friends always have the inside scoop on that.

I purposely don't have a lot of friends, but the one time I let a "friend", someone I met at the gym last year(no longer a friend because of this mess), set me up with someone, it was a total disaster as the girl was nothing like they described. I have asked my few really good and well trusted friends and they do not know any single women unfortunately.

I even extensively tried that meetup.com site a few years ago and did not find any single women at all, such a bummer.

[TheEvilJester]

I am surprised to hear you saying people are telling you online dating sites are NOT a good place to meet people. Surprised, not because I think they are, but surprised because I always thought it seemed like people somehow think they are. Being completely honest, I have absolutely zero faith in dating sites from the experience I have had. Don't get me wrong. I still recommend trying them to anybody who is thinking about it. I just recommend doing so only if you can understand that it will probably just be a waste of your time. That, at least from the perspective of a guy using it, if you try reaching out to 100 women... a grand total of 0 will actually give a $h*t to respond. (And from what I've heard from the womens' side, apparently it is mostly scumbags, D picks and people asking for nudes). I say that because if you are expecting a waste of your time yet give it a try anyway.... Either it IS a waste of your time, but at least you aren't that let down since you expected that..... Or maybe you actually DO have success and are pleasantly surprised.

Anyway, back to the point. Honestly, I ponder this myself, so unfortunately I can't really offer you any help. Plus, I know exactly what you mean about it feeling like 99.9% of the time the woman isn't single anyway. It has actually become something of an F'ing joke I have with myself these days. Any time a new woman starts at work, or I see/meet her somewhere in a social setting, or she's on my train.... I think to myself "Oh, hey. She's cute/attractive/whatever.... She's not single." And, sure enough, it seems like EVERY time, I peak at her hand and see a ring. Or at work, for example, I see a picture of her and her fella on her desk. Or I hear her talking about a boyfriend/fiance/husband.

It is seriously like an F'ing joke, except it isn't funny. It's just 1 of about a million reasons why it feels pointless to even bother these days. Seems like if a woman even mildly interests me she's not single anyway. Just makes me feel even more so like, at my age, everybody already has somebody and I'm left alone.

I've just been learning to accept that love is not meant for me. It's easier some days and harder on others. For now, I've actually been doing really well lately. I just always know that inevitably another crash is coming. Anyway, that was a lot of blah blah blah. LOL! Basically, my point was that I feel your pain, my friend.

[CleanCut]

Yep, exactly the same kind of thing happening here for me [MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION] It just becomes one of those things that you put so much damn time and effort into without any real permanent success that it just feels entirely futile and seems not sensible to continue. However, I'm just so damn tired of being alone all the time with no loving and I don't know any other way to resolve this problem other than to continue on with this seeming stupid pursuit. Such a crazily unfair world we live in these days...

[TheEvilJester]

I have another little metaphor I use with myself. It's like these days every woman action figure comes packaged with her purse, various outfits, Kung Fu Grip, and a boyfriend. Every guy action figure comes packaged with beer, sports stuff, and a girlfriend. Me... I come packaged alone.... but with the extra space where the girlfriend action figure was SUPPOSED to go just to constantly remind me that I am not allowed to have something that just comes automatically to everybody else.

Still, if you CAN keep trying, please do. Don't give up hope if you can help it. I know that seems like strange advice to get from somebody who HAS.... but believe me, it isn't fun. You sound a lot like me, though. So, if you are I imagine you have your good days and bad days. So, even if the pursuit seems hopeless, keep at it. But, at the same time, find things to do that make you happy just in and of yourself. Find ways to love yourself more. I've said this many times here on this board, but I think the ultimate goal in love should be to love yourself enough and be happy enough that you don't NEED love.... but you find it anyway. I wish that for you, my friend.

Good luck.

[CleanCut]

Indeed we do sound alike and I know exactly how you feel and then some. I guess I won't stop trying, but it is getting pretty hard to keep the motivation going. It has just been a very tough year for me as I started off the year with getting a large malignant brain tumor removed, so been battling that, plus the crushing loneliness of living alone with no one to talk to on a daily basis, plus trying to get all my confidence back from my appearance change after the radiation treatments killed most of my head hair, having to battle all this myself with no one to come home to each day is very rough and makes it very tough to have anything left inside me for the effort required to try finding dates all the time. I feel like my soul has been trampled by a herd of cattle or something and it seems that every time I'm able to pop my head up for a moment; it just gets slammed down by another hoof Sure wish I could find someone in this world to put a permanent smile on my face...

[Snow White]

OMG!!! Have you guys ever heard about the law of attraction? What you constantly think about and dwell upon will come to you. The universe gives you what you think about. So, if you constantly think about how lonely you are and there is no one there for you, that is what the universe will give you. Stop thinking about what you don't have and don't want and start thinking about what you desire and deserve. TheEvilJester, you sound like Eeyore. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. CleanCut, what you have had to endure is not easy, but there are literally millions of women out there. How about eHarmony or Match.com? Please read about the Law of Attraction. It will really open your eyes and make total sense.

[CleanCut]

OMG!!! Have you guys ever heard about the law of attraction? What you constantly think about and dwell upon will come to you. The universe gives you what you think about. So, if you constantly think about how lonely you are and there is no one there for you, that is what the universe will give you. Stop thinking about what you don't have and don't want and start thinking about what you desire and deserve. TheEvilJester, you sound like Eeyore. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. CleanCut, what you have had to endure is not easy, but there are literally millions of women out there. How about eHarmony or Match.com? Please read about the Law of Attraction. It will really open your eyes and make total sense.

Lol, if only this were true then the world would be one awesome place. Then I could just "think myself" to be a billionaire and become one, then just "buy" any kind of woman I want, lol. Yes, I have been on those sites as well as others for over 3 years now and despite having some good times with some women I've met on there, none of them actually wanted a long term relationship with me.

[GLYC]

If none of them wanted a long term relationship with you, possibly you're making some mistakes. Maybe it's something in your technique or in how you're communicating. Subconsciously you might be doing things to sabotage yourself because you're believing that you're going to fail/it's not going to work out.

So, I do believe in Snows comment.

Sorry about the tumor situation, sounds difficult. But you'll find the strength to carry on.

There's a man that was born with no arms and no legs that's gotten married, and said he honestly couldn't imagine himself being any happier.
He has such a great attitude, and im not surprised even slightly that things turned out for him. When you have a positive outlook towards all things, eventually things will fall into place because you're inviting those things to come in. Think about it, women dont want to come into your life to try to fix you or share your misery with you, they want to come into your life to share your completeness with you and to have a great experience and to make fun memories with you. Anyways, this guy travels around as a motivational speaker. I just watched a short video about him after having heard about him a few weeks ago, guys a complete boss.

Also. It won't let me post the pictures of him with his wife and kid, he looks incredibly happy. i need to be a member for 30 days i guess, daaaammit

[Snow White]

I know who you are talking about, GLYC! I saw him on an Oprah show. This may sound awful, but if a woman can be interested and sexual and committed with a man with no limbs, then CleanCut shouldn't give up. Take a good look at the type of women you are choosing on these sites. "If none of them wanted a long term relationship with you, possibly you're making some mistakes. Maybe it's something in your technique or in how you're communicating. Subconsciously you might be doing things to sabotage yourself because you're believing that you're going to fail/it's not going to work out." I agree with this.

Are you choosing women just based on their looks? Are you being up front about wanting to be in a long term relationship? They are going out with you so they are attracted to you. And laugh if you like about the law of attraction, but it's true. Why do some people make it out of the ghetto and become famous and others die of a drive by? We are made up of energy. That is a scientific fact and we give off energy and when you constantly give off negative energy others with that type of energy will be drawn to you and vice versa.

Just for the hell of it, please read "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne.

[CleanCut]

Well, thank you two for comparing me to some "limbless man", but the point of this post is about finding new places to find decent dateable women, not about my capability of getting women. I have had a couple of great relationships that lasted a few months each and they both felt wonderful to be in and the girls both seemed to be very happy with me as I was able to satisfy all their needs, but they still bailed on me anyways, despite me not doing anything wrong in either relationship. Guess I just have bad luck finding truly decent women that can recognize me for the great and loving guy that I am.

[GLYC]

We were making light of how great that man's attitude is, how he eliminated negative self talk, and how he's alpha as ****.

I'll give what hasn't been stated. Go to places you want to be at, and chat up women there. You already know you'll have common interests in that activity.
You like art? Go to museums. You like the outdoors? Visit nature parks, start kayaking, etc. You want to get into biking? Start biking, make stops at bars or places for a beverage midtrip. Find new hobbies and live them.

It becomes easier when you aren't trying to force interactions or force things to happen. You're there to do that event regardless.

After things fell through with the last woman I was dating, I went to the mall and just started talking to women I thought were attractive. It was great for building more social skills and confidence, but it wasn't natural nor as successful for meeting women.

I wasn't there to shop, I solely went there to hit on women, which put more pressure on trying to make things happen, I really think women can sense that. They're way more in tune with socializing and subtle signs than men are. Afterall, women communicate so much more than men, there was some study on this and women communicate I think with 4 times as many words a day than a man does.

That about covers everything. You have online websites, through friends, literally anywhere, or preferably going to places that picque your interests. Or try speed dating.

I'm not a psychic, so i cant exactly say, there's a single woman that's going to be at a Walmart in your town at 6:03 pm, checkout aisle #9, talk to her. You both will live happily ever after.