My girlfriend and I have been dating over two years. She is a 30 year old engineer originally from Malaysia and is Muslim though she is not practicing. I am a 48 year old founder of a healthcare company and while I was raised Christian, I am pretty agnostic. Our relationship has been wonderful. Very good sex, though I wish it was more often than she wished it were. We have traveled all over together, we enjoy the same things and have wonderful conversations together. We have discussed marriage to the point where I have bought her a ring with the intent to officially propose to her after I meet her parents who live in Malaysia. Both her parents are Muslim; I am now realizing far more devout than she led me to believe. I have known all along that in order to get their approval I would need to Fake that I have converted to Islam which I am okay with if that is what it takes to get their blessing which I know is very important to her and we will rarely see them.

Her mother came to the US for a 10 week visit about 6 weeks ago. She had not told her parents about me and the plan was for her to tell mom and for me to meet mom on this trip. Well mom went absolutely crazy. Mom refused to meet me. Not only that but mom does not want her to see me at all until mom meets me first and mom insists that I come to malaysia to meet her in her home. So for the last 6 weeks I have not seen my girlfriend except for four 1 hour stolen coffee dates where she would not even allow me to touch her....not even a kiss... for fear that her mother would somehow know. She has gone from this very independent strong woman to a 30 year old woman who is literally afraid, no terrified, of her mother. She calls me at night after midnight after her mother goes to sleep every night. I feel like I am dating a highschool girl hiding from her mother.

I know that Muslim mothers have a reputation of being difficult but the level of control that this woman exerts on my girlfriend seems more pathological than just religious. My girlfriend said she is not afraid of her mother screaming at her or beating her (beating a grown child?) but she is terrified of disappointing her.

I spent the first 5 weeks fighting with my girlfriend almost every day expecting her to stand up to mom and fight for me. The fighting got very bad and my frustration level made me turn into someone I did not want to be, almost obsessed with the fact that I could not see her. I finally told her that talking to her and communicating with her during this very bizarre time was too stressful for me. I respect that she can not spend any time with me for 10 weeks at all, but I am not going to entertain midnight calls anymore. I will not date anyone else but as far as I am concerned we are on a break from all contact until mother leaves and she goes back to the woman I fell in love with.

The truth is that I am just not as certain today as I was 6 weeks ago that we will ever go back to where we were. I love this woman but with all this free time my mind wonders. I find myself now focussing on other differences we have that maybe I was not paying attention to before such as the mismatched sex drives. I am now worried that a future with this woman may be a future filled with stress where I never had those thoughts before.

Was I wrong for taking this communication break? Should I be more supportive since obviously her mother holds power over her that she is unable to resist? Am I wrong for being angry with her? If we work things out, how will I ever fly to Malaysia and bite my tongue when I meet this crazy woman who refused to meet me while staying 3.5 miles from where I live for 10 weeks?

If anyone has ever had an experience with a very controlling parent, how did you handle it?