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Thread: new relationship tragic past scars

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
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    new relationship tragic past scars

    Hello,

    I am new to this forum and I really need some advice on a potential relationship. So far in my life, I have been in 2 serious relationships (or at least that was what I believed). Each of these lasted for around 1 year until I accidentally found out that one cheated on me,and the other used me to "polish" her reputation online. After the incidents, I decided to not pursuit any relationship and just spend more of my time with family and friends.

    Until recently, I started to notice this one girl. She is currently a seller at a store where my mom goes to buy clothes. Her kindness towards everyone start my interest. Beside, she is pretty cute when you look close. Truely, I would like to know her better beneath that kindness and cuteness.

    That is when I learned from my Mom that her life took a tragic turn from very long time ago, when she had to witness her mother's death. Her father decided to not marry and continued to take care of her. The family was not very wealthy so she eventually quitted university to get a job. Due to lack of motherly love since early, she became attached to my Mom. I think that she views my Mom as a Mother that she really wants to have. That is why she told her life story to my Mom.

    If from before, I was interested to know more about her, now, after hearing her story, I am still interested but at the same time, I would like to improve myself. Coming from a wealthy family and becoming an aerospace engineer used to tell me that I am on top of the world. Now, after witnessing her situation, I do not believe in that stupid concept anymore.

    I will be bold: I am interested in this girl and I would like to know more about her. However, I do not want to approach her because I know about her story from my mom. In other words, I do not want her to feel that I sympathize with her. The environment that we always see each other is in that shop my Mom goes to. It's a shop for women's clothes so it is pretty hard for me to strike a conversation. Both of us have scars from our pasts, so I do not want to bring it up. My pasts told me to be careful but with her, I feel like to go for all of nothing.
    I am currently pursuing graduate degrees oversea so we will only meet during Christmas and Summer.

    Could you guys please give me some advice? I cant talk about this to anyone I know so I decide to ask on this forum.

    Please let me know and I will be very very grateful to hear any inputs. Now, I am back to playing with engines.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
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    Perhaps, her knowing your mom actually gives you an advantage. You can go into the shop and introduce yourself and let her know who your mom is. Just be upfront and tell her you would love to take her out for dinner. That's it. She will probably feel more comfortable with you because she knows your mom and will not consider you a total stranger. There is no need for you to feel any guilt because you come from a wealthy family and no need to have sympathy for her because of her past.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
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    You want to get to know her but not contact her?
    Good luck with that
    If you think I am insulting you with my post or bashing you: You do not get the point.
    I am not here to insult or bash anyone. I offer up my free time to help. Take from my post what is useful to you.
    If you are angry about my post or myself, then please stop and think how that happened. Usually that is the way the brain responds if a critical belief system is challenged (its called cognitive dissonance). If you have trouble with it please answer in the thread. I will come back to you.

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