I finally did it!! Told him I'M DONE !!

[lovemenot]

and I want to stop all contact with him.

I feel like I deserve a standing ovation ;]

Feeling so strong and empowered now!

and that this deserves a separate post.

ok ok you all told me to do this looong time ago, but I had to come to terms with it in my own pace and I finally did it! It took me one last time of us making out and then him leaving (though didn't sleep with him, these last two times) to realize that this will never work. Well, that and one of my friends convincing me for two days;] But it finally became clear to me that if I want something to change, I can't just keep repeating same patterns over and over again and expect to magically get a different result...

So I texted him today that this situation no longer satisfies me and doesn't give me real joy, so I think we should stop all contact". and then he messaged me back, saying it's a pity and asking if I mean absolutely all contact and we won't even study together anymore, cuz it's much more fun to study together...to which I replied "yes, absolutely all contact" and then later he asked if I won't even come to a library anymore and then I didn't reply and then even later he texted again asking if I won't even talk to him in facebook and I didn't reply to that either....

So it's official now - I totally stopped this madness. Hopefully I can stay strong and won't give in to this need to contact him.

[WiltedRose]

Well done Hun (thumbs up!)

[pcmaster]

Poor guy. It sucks when girl dont reply. But partly it was his fault cause he wasnt ready to go all the way.

[lovemenot]

then he wrote me a long long letter. starting with "well since I see we will most likely not see each other and not talk again, I want to write you a goodbye letter.." and then wrote about everything we had together, our whole story since the day he saw me, and how special it all was and how we are so similar and he didn't feel alone in the world anymore and how meeting me he finally felt happy and could overcome the walls he built around himself and then why it all fell apart and then how he's messed up and he hopes I would one day meet someone normal who truly loves me unconditionally..."and then at the end he said: you will always have a huge part of my heart, because nobody can erase history and I will always walk with you. Goodbye my friend, my love and my inspiration"

jsut killed me with that letter. All my strength and power is gone suddenly and all I wanna do is to write him back saying how I don't want normal, how I love him despite all of his mess and how I am ready to deal with it if he only gave me a chance... I am in such agony now...

[richiro]

no standing ovation as the reward is getting out.
the easy part is to make declarations and decisions - the HARDER part and TRUE decision is whether you STICK TO IT or not!

If you don't stick to it - the decision meant nothing. (In fact it only proves to him that he can continue to not serve your needs and you will STILL stick with him - so there is NEVER a need to do more for you!)
If you truly meant what you said - then you need to stick with it --- otherwise (as I said in the previous sentence) - you are just proving to him you are a doormat for him and he wil never improve.

Good luck.

[Feelinworthless]

Well sure if you want to clap for yourself then clap. I think I remember telling you that when you don't pay attention to them they will pay attention to you. When you didn't reply to his messages it ignited something in him to write you that "letter." Don't fall for that letter because it's all a mind game. He probably wanted to see if you'd respond to that and to Also see if he still had control over you. Don't fall back into that trap because your going to land right back where you were before you told him you were done. You need to mean what you say and say what you mean. Deep down inside you knew ig wasn't going to work.

[Hooo!]

Well remind me: if he loved you as much as he sais

- - - Updated - - -

Then what are the reasons for you being apart?