How do I handle an ex that works with me and my job?

[JBastinelli]

I met a women at my job a little while ago and we ended up dating for roughly about a month. During the time we dated we let a few people at our job know that we were dating. However, I wasn't too big on sharing with coworkers what went on in our relationship.

She however, decided to share a lot of details with her coworkers about our relationship. Including romance in the bedroom and what we did. TMI kind of stuff. This bothered me a little, but not too much.

After we broke up. We basically adapted a no contact type of communication. We didn't discuss this. That's just how things went.

Eventually later on I ended up talking to one of my coworkers who knew about us dating. We eventually got into the discussion about why my ex and I's relationship didn't workout and concerns I had, now that the relationship was over. I shared with him this stuff in private and told him to keep this conversation between us two…

That didn't happen…

The coworker who I spoke to decide to tell my ex what I told him. Ex was furious when she found out that I shared with him relationship stuff even though she was first one to do it with other stuff in the past. I understand how she feels, but this was never about backstabbing. This was a private conversation with someone who I thought was trustworthy, at the time.

My ex now doesn't want us to talk at all or to be seen remotely near her at her work station. Which is fine. I am not interested in staying friends. She is also “considering” on going to HR and reporting to them about me and what I said to this coworker in fear that this coworker repeated this information to others. Keep in mind I only shared this information with 1 person in “private”.

It's not like I gave her social out, but it was some personal stuff.

I have gone to the point of telling my boss on what has occured, who knew about the relationship, the breakup, and now this. He said he will keep me informed if he hears anything, HR related.

I've also taken the initiative and transferred over to a schedule that would prevent us from ever seeing each other.

What else might I be able to do to have things a little bit more kosher between my ex and I at work. Should I go to HR and share with them my side of the story before she does?

[Hooo!]

I don't see the point of hating each other. You obviously had some attraction to each other at some point
Why can't you just talk normally to each other

I don't get all this " oh we had a row now we are not talking"
I did that too
In kindergarten

Just talk to each other over a coffee state that you are sorry that this is such a mess and agree to handle it civilized ?

[JBastinelli]

I don't see the point of hating each other. You obviously had some attraction to each other at some point
Why can't you just talk normally to each other

I don't get all this " oh we had a row now we are not talking"
I did that too
In kindergarten

Just talk to each other over a coffee state that you are sorry that this is such a mess and agree to handle it civilized ?

Hooo,
Thanks for your reply. I thought about doing the same thing, but a couple months down the road after things die down.

I don't even know if she will talk to me later on in the future just to hear an apology from me.
She is one of those people that do not like serious subjects that involve feelings or emotions.
I am more of someone who tries to fix my problems, she ignores her problems in hopes they disappear, no lie.

[richiro]

this is... exactly why you don't date people at work. As i always say, you MUST consider "if and when things go bad" how will that look like and go at work? And you've learned that lesson the hard way.
In most cases it is hardly worth dating a co-worker for these very reasons. You're lucky that she hasn't tried to turn this into a harasssment suit against you and have you fired (no because you deserve to be, but beucase anybody can make it look like you should be).

No, don't go to HR. Just as MAD as you are your co-worker didn't keep the info confidential - why would you then turn around and expose it to HR???? eeghads!

I would have a talk with her.. apologize for speaking about her to coworkers about private stuf (yes i know she did it too.. butyou see.. somebody has to be an adult here first!). Logically as adults, with calm discussion, i'm sure you can both agree that it would be best for all if you both discontinue talking about private matters altogether - especially yoru past together.

NEVER DATE a co-worker ever again!
and NEVER TALK about personal stuff about a co-worker AT WORK ever again!

[Hooo!]

I still don't see a reason never to date coworkers
I know so many married happy couples who work together

I would however not start a fling at work if I knew it never has a chance of being more
I would also not in general date people who are not emotionally adult enough to deal with a breakup with nothing but hate and neglect. Wether they work with me or not is seriously out of the question here