Too much feelings, too much complications: in desperate need of help out of this mess

[GENOSITE]

Okay guys you’re in for a wild, im sorry but this is gonna be a lot of typing. Shit so complicated i’m strugglming myself to put it all in order. Before i delve into the details,which i’m gonna break into parts so you my more experienced friend would understand the situation and try to help me accordingly.

here’s the issue in a nutshell : girl madly in love with me, i love her back, too much stress and complications arising from an unhealthy rp, she has health problems and us fighting on a constant basis isn’t helping with it, fights so nasty she went on going about suicide, I don’t wanna break up with her, I need to know how to love her correctly and i’m in urgent desperate help of you guys.

a little bit background of myself : i’m 21 years old, college student with no work, and fairly good looking which in all fairness haven’t had much success in my past relationships, had only four past serious relationships that ended badly most of the time in 4 months or less, I decided to actually get a better understanding of girls, how attraction works and overall delve into a lot of self help material to improve and have a better understanding of myself, i’ve also went into a lot of pickup teachings and all that but I didn’t actually try to practice picking up girls myself because i’ve been constantly blaming the environment (i live in morocco, islamic country) and proctastinating.

some background of my gf : she is also 21 years old, very beautiful, extremely smart and lives a freaking continent away from me, yes it is an LDR, but it wasn’t a problem when i first got into the rp because we had meetup plans for summer, but that didn’t really happen because her mom prohibited us from meeting until she gets her degree which will be at least two years from now, and that’s when shit started getting really nasty but i’ll talk about that later, in addition of her studying in a university she is also running shitton of businesses along with her siblings that are very successful, so you can imagine there is a lot of stress in her life even if she keeps saying she enjoys what she does. And if that wasn’t enough she is also the result of bad parenting (in my opinion), her parents weren’t living in the same country ever since she was a kid, occasional visits here and there but she was raised by relatives and grandparents, had a scandal a few years back because of an asshole ex that published her private pictures and her parents’ reaction wasn’t really supportive, but destructive, hell even today her mom still reminds her of it trying to inflict even more guilt. So needless to say that when I found her she was a mess but I still fell in love with her, tried to help with her problems and actually made her forgert about all of it and open up to the world.

A background of the rp : we’ve been together for more than 9 months now,the girl fell in love with me so hard from day one,just after a few hours of texting the girl was already craving for more, she was confessing her love to me very early on which i know is very unusual, she was also telling me how afraid she was abt it herseld,but i wasnt really intending to be in a relationship with her and especially since she was very far away but i enjoyed spending time with her regardless and thats what i did, and i know it sounds cheesy but little by little i was falling for her, until i eventually told her that our feelings were mutual, and that didn’t happen until almost a month, but until then I gave her a really hard time, making her invest in me and want more and more just seemed to happen naturally and even after we both went lovey dovey, i was very strict, refused to deal with any kind of bullshit and even then we had fights but they werent as intense, she always got so turned on with me, even came multiple times jst from using whatever we have to dirty talk and all that, it was kind of sub/dom rp where i could control what she does ( to a reasonable exent), very exclusive from the very beginning, kind of like a husband/wife rp.

The actual problem or problems : my gf has a health situation where she occasionally ends up having a hard time breathing along with heart pain and that’s what usually happens when we fight and when she gets too agitated,sometimes it gets so bad she ends up spending the night in a hospital, the only solution is diet and a stress free life, but thats very hard to keep with the amount of fighting we have, recently it has become so common almost thrice a week, it has become nastier and she just plain loses control over her feelings, and usually after that she says she wants to break up, i try to calm her out of it and make her change her decision bec i know shes not serious abt it anyway, you can try to calm her you can try to go all sweet over her but it just doesn’t work, and sometimes its over the stupidest shit ever like : why wont u wake up earlier to talk to me ? or if i’m gonna hang out with my friends and she wants to talk, she will get mad if i even go texting girls and yeah she has my pw, she gets so possessive that it doesn’t give me space to breathe. She used to try to contain these feelings before out of fear that i might dump her but because of the constant fights instead of trying to make her chase me i tried to take a different approach and shower her with love, be sweet prioritize her over everything because she used to alway suspect that i dont love her, or i dont do it enough, that i might cheat over her and all kinds of insecurities. Note that im very serious abt this and never cheated. So i did what i did and recently it seems as though shes taken me for granted and wouldnt hold off if she just wants to bash my ass to the wall, go on rants non stop even if u beg her to stop she wouldnt, she won’t listen to logic and sometimes it turns into a name calling match,and it never ends until i myself lose it and lash back at her, pecking at each other until theres too much damage again, in which case i usually end up apologizing to her even if i didnt do anything wrong, and her excuse is that she loves me too much and cant control her emotions. And if you try to change that, encourage her to better herself and have more control over her emotions she’d just accuse me for not loving her for who she is and that i should look for someone else i can be happy with.

Despite all of this, I love her, I love the fact that she loves me too much, even though i had some experience ive never felt this much love before and i dont want to break up with her, i know this looks like a very unhealthy rp, and i know that trying to make it work will take a lot of effort and responsibility and tbh my main concern is her health and safety and thats why i really need help from more experienced people, how should i manage all of this ? what approach ? unconditional love or laid back and dominating ?
I know the logial solution seems to be to just break up and end it but im afraid that will trigger some serious emotions and she could end up harming herself, so thats more like a last resort.
And thank you in advance

[Hooo!]

If you are fighting : stop fighting and remember her and yourself constantly that you are on the same side

Talk about what you both want and how and when you want it in your lifes

Find and remove the underlying issues that are leading to your relationship issues/ fighting
Meaning asking her and yourself what really is the problem, what bothers you and then find solutions together.
Be nice to each other.

And be a man and don't be so mad at her moods

[froggymom]

I'm sorry you are experiencing such difficulty in this relationship. It sounds like you have already decided that the relationship is not healthy for either of you. Maybe suggest to her to get some counseling and for yourself too. If you are afraid of her hurting herself if you break up with her, this is not love but control.

[TheEvilJester]

Bottom line, this relationship does not sound healthy. Not for you or for her. For her, it sounds quite literally unhealthy due to her actual health issues. The thing is, life is stress. You can't 100% avoid stress all the time. So, she needs to do whatever she can health-wise to ensure she can live a normal life without having to worry that realizing she forgot to turn off the stove before leaving the house is likely to literally give her a hear attack. ALL couples fight sometimes. Fights shouldn't happen ALL the time, but all couples fight sometimes. You shouldn't have to feel like you can't for fear that it could quite literally kill her.

Now, at the same time, the way she acts is NOT okay. She tries to pull that "If you don't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" kind of BS with you. Funny thing is, you know who uses those kind of arguments more often than anybody else? A-holes. Abusive people. Jerks. Now, I don't know if she's an a-hole or a jerk. I can't know that. I don't know if she's an abusive person either.... but her actions towards you certainly ARE abusive. That motto "If you don't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" is NOT an excuse to just be a terrible person and think people should just be okay with that.

It's not okay for her to treat you this way, nor is it okay for her to emotionally black-mail you by acting like you don't love her if you actually stand up for yourself. So, to be 100% honest, my personal advice to you would be to end the relationship. That you'd both be better off. You shouldn't feel stuck in a relationship simply because you don't think the other person would handle the break-up well. You shouldn't be stuck in a situation that is destructive and unhealthy for you just because you are worried what will happen to the other person if you end it.

It sounds like you don't WANT to end the relationship, though. So, even though that may not be what I'd personally advise, if nothing else you two should both at least seek some help. First off, she is obviously dealing with a lot of issues. And, don't get me wrong, I cannot blame her. Sounds like she hasn't had such a great life. Sounds like her parents are terrible to her. It sounds like she's been burnt by bad relationships in the past. So, I honestly don't think she means to be this destructive, and perhaps doesn't even realize she is doing it. But, she sincerely needs help. Not only do you, or anybody else she may try to seriously date, not deserve this..... She's doesn't deserve to be trapped like this either.

Hopefully you can gently and lovingly encourage her to get the help she needs. Hopefully you can also offer (and seriously follow-up) to be a supportive and active participant in her getting that help. You may even both want to go to couples therapy together. Or you to groups specific to partners who are dealing with somebody going through these issues. They can help you to learn how to be there for her. Still, if all else fails, you really need to care enough about yourself to do what is right for you, even if it may seem like the hard thing at first. If, in the end, you conclude that this relationship is just not healthy for you, please care enough about YOU to end it. You can still do that in as caring and loving a way as possible and hope that she handles it as best as she possibly can. But, you can't let yourself be trapped in a situation you need to exit simply because you think the other person won't handle it well.

Good luck to you either way. And to her as well, sincerely.