How do I reach him?

[MiaRebelde]

I am 20 years old and my boyfriend are 21 year, we love eachother but lately my past has been “catching up to me”. Before I met my current boyfriend, there was other mans in my life. This “time before him” plays on his mind a lot and he’s having a difficult time letting it go. I had 3 boyfriends before him. I had first boyfriend when I was 15 year old. My current boyfriend says that it was to early and that is not ok beacuse I was little girl (child) when I was 15 year old.

I, on the other hand, feel that it’s in the past and not something that should be brought into our future. We totally disagree about it!

My previous ‘sexual partners" is a topic that is always brought up whenever we are arguing or are having a deep conversation.

He’s always said “There are choices and then there are consequences of these choices.” I just don’t think it’s fair that I should lose him because of my past and because he’s jealous. He believes that it’s compromising his values that we stay together because of “how I was before him”.

He turns on me like that whenever he has any “bad” thoughts about me. It’s frustrating and the fact that he’s so stuck in the past is ruining our relationship.

I’ve never given him a reason not to trust me in our relationship and the distrust he has towards me is completely unnecessary and all in his mind.

There are so many things in our*arguments/deep talks*I want to say and share my point of view of but it’s as if my head just freezes, when I finally have the opportunity to speak.

My boyfriend is a man who’s very good with words (more than the usual guy) and he’s pretty much the one running the show in all of our talks.

I guess I let him because I feel like it’s my fault and I’m the reason he has these “bad” thoughts about me. He loves me but sometimes – and too often – these “bad” thoughts come between us.

[nerdy_guy]

i don't think he'll just say these things without a basis. it may be shallow to you but not to him. people are different. when does he start bringing up these "pasts" of yours? maybe we could find a better answer if we know what triggers it.

sometimes, people's judgements gets clouded when there is something that bothers them. you have to understand that. that is probably one of the reasons why he manipulates the talks in his favor due to his insecurities

[Hooo!]

He is jealous and insecure
He compares himself to the other men and or cannot bear the thought that you have been with other men
And maybe he even thinks you are slutty

He needs to grow some balls.
That is his issue
If he wants to break up with you over a closed past then you can't stop him
However i would tell him to either decide to be happy with who you are now and who you have been up until now or go find himself a nice coy virgin

[GLYC]

Haha, find a nice coy virgin.

But I agree. It is his issue. Guy needs to get over it. He's being insecure. This topic is so irrelevant, who cares who else a woman has been with. It's irrelevant.

I would be sensitive to him, but he needs to stop making you feel guilty about things that have nothing to do with him or your relationship. I'd let him know that in a loving manner.
"Look, it's hurtful when you attack me about my past relationships, it's irrelevant. I'm with you now and that's all that matters, they don't. You need to stop making me feel guilty about this"
Or whatever.

[MiaRebelde]

We talked today and he says that he cant stop thinking how I sleep with my ex boyfriend and what did they do to me in bad. Especially what am I doing with my boyfriend when I was 15 years old,he can not belive that I was with men that early. He don't want insult me,he dont yeel at me but he became very depressed when he found out about my past.

[nerdy_guy]

I understand him. It would make a lot of people insecure what happened in your past. There are things that people can say "past is past" unfortunately, not everything can be categorized as such. It makes people think that you have no self-control having sex at such a young age. it is different if you said you got raped at that age compared to you consenting such acts. This does not mean that he does not love you. It is because he does that he is very bothered by it. He'll need a lot of reassurance from you, and i mean a whole lot of it.

look at it this way... For example, think of something that would make you insecure if you compare yourself to other women. anything. it doesn't matter what is it. lets say he has only dated these kind of women, a lot of women who always have these things/qualities. Then suddenly he took interest in you, would you not feel the same?