What is he thinking

[Wantluv]

Okay I'm new to this
I've been dating a guy for about 2yrs I'm 55 he's 61
I have keys to his home and he to mine although most of the time I'm at his house.
We have been on trips concerts
Etc. When I ask him if he loves me he says
" very much so"
He says I've spent more than 5000 on next yrs trip
We just got back from a weekend trip and he says he needs to
Figure some things out.
No phone calls to me or texts
I'm giving him his space.. but really I'm to old did for this s.
Does he love me? I want marriage

[GLYC]

Well, there isn't a whole lot of details to your story so we kind of have to fill in the blanks.

I think he probably does love you, he's been with you for 2 years? He gave you keys to his house.

Have you been pressuring him about marriage over the trip? It sounds like he just needs some alone time to figure things out.
No man or woman want to be pressured or told to do something, generally. Especially when it's big decisions like marriage.

[Wantluv]

No I'm not pressuring him about marriage. He worried about his health
Work. He got some not so good news, seen some lesions on his kidney
But he still hasn't seen his dr.


Thank you for replyng

[GLYC]

Well, it sounds like he has a lot on his plate. That all sounds quite stressful.
Just continue to be there for him, contrary to what some people say, men like reassurance as well.
So just be there with him for his hard times. He'll love that.

He might just not want to get you involved with all of his problems, he might just not want to make an issue out of it.

A lot of us men are like that and would prefer to retreat to our mancave to go through our problems. It's how we deal with some personal things.
When we reemerge, we will be looking to take off where we had left off. At that moment, we will be happier and more receptive.

Women, on the otherhand, generally feel the need to have to talk about it amongst others. So that could be where the confusion is.

[Wantluv]

Okay I'll just lay low..
I really do love him..
Like today he left something at his house ask me to go and pick it up for hi. He never called when he got off. I didn't call him either. I. His woman not his mother and I don't want to another
Him

[GLYC]

Yeah, your best option I think would be to let him know that you're here for him, when/if he thinks he needs someone to talk to. You can let him know you care about him. That way he knows you aren't mad or upset and no longer reaching out as frequently because of that.

You seem caring and all, I think you're fine. From time to time it might be wise to reach out, just evaluate how he responds and adjust your approach.

[Wantluv]

I textetexted him this morning and asked could I come over he says " why do you always ask me that"
I responded
By saying I want to respect him when he ask for space

[GLYC]

Yeah, kind of a rude response on his part. He should be a little more sensitive to your feelings.
Sounds grumpy, I'd back off for a while.

The better response for him would have been, "Honey, come out here! Haha" or "I just need some time to myself right now to think about some things, it doesn't have anything to do with you or us, but I really appreciate the kind words. Thanks hun"

Or whatever, really just anything besides what he said.

[Wantluv]

I agree.
He says he in pain but continues to Work) sometime overtime.
No communication unless I reach out.
Like yesterday u get out of my bed to go to his house to look for something he lost. He never called me to say he found
His keys and I never called him.
This morning I text him" do we need to talk or is it something you need to tell me. He calls " what's that about"
I say your being distant, he says no
There's nothing to talk about unless I have something and that ... He's in pain and that he was on the phone trying to get another key.( which he lost)

I know I have abandonment issues
I don't trust..

- - - Updated - - -

Just got a text you might not want to come tonight have to work over..
When did that ever stop me..
That means he work from 7;30 to 7:30

[Wantluv]

Now I have a key right he texts and says you might not want to come over because I have to work over.
I say I'm not surprised I expected something was going to come up
And ask ask him again if there is something we need to talk about it if he had something to teel me.
He revved all my texts... And no response

[GLYC]

Well, you need to back off a bit.
Be patient. You must master the art of being patient. Give him a couple of days.


This statement, "I say I'm not surprised I expected something was going to come up" is actually passive aggressive. Don't say that. It's okay to be disappointed or upset, but sometimes it's best to hold up a bit.

And don't keep telling him to let you know if there's something you two need to talk about, saying something once is enough. That sentence implies that the relationship is potentially in serious trouble, which may be the case, I'm only seeing a sliver of the entire experience so.

[Wantluv]

Last year we dated we were really I to each other and then someone broke into his house. He told me to be patient bc
He was concerned about my safety
I didn't see it all. After a while I got tired
I have him his key back and got my stuff
After a while I seen him on face book with another woman.
We still stayed in touch..
He bought me Christmas gift birthday gift we got bk together
Now this..
Dont want to be made a fool off. I feel hes lying I think he's home now and didn't have to work over
Just intuition