Do I tell a married man I love him?

[Rabs]

Ok, so from reading the title I guess your all thinking I'm the worlds most awful person for evening thinking of doing this. Believe me, I know I would be! But I've been wanting to tell this person for so so long, to the point where I can't move on. Let me tell you my story.

So I was 16 years old when I met "guy A". He was a lifeguard at a swimming pool/gym. He was 8 years older than me, but was so charming, and we clicked straight away. He ended up taking me to my high school prom.
Anyway we started dating. He was my first ever date. There was an obvious spark between us from the start. We made each other blush from laughing all the time. Conversations were easy, there was never any awkwardness between us, just butterflies. and I felt comfortable with him. However at 16 years old, I wasn't ready for such a serious relationship. I was still a virgin, he was 24. I was still finding myself, and was still a kid at heart. And so I broke it off. However we remained friends and would still text from time to time.

Fast forward 4 years, and I meet "guy B".
There was no attraction to this guy whatsoever. He was just a work friend, nothing more. However we both unknowingly booked a holiday to the same destination during the same week. We agreed we would meet up for a night out on one of the nights on holiday.
The night out was one of the messiest nights off my life. I ended up staying at his hotel where I was too drunk to remember the name of my own. We didn't have sex. I woke up fully clothed, as did he.
Following the holiday, are friendship blossomed into something more, and we started to fall in love. But there was one problem, he was Muslim and wasn't allowed to have a gf.
He had to hide me from his family, as it was considered shameful and he would be disowned. But he was my first love, I lost my virginity to him and stupidly thought things would magically turn out ok.
My mum allowed him to sleep most nights at mine. He would lie to his parents and say he was with his friends.
Within a month or 2 of almost living with me. He started going out a lot. I wasn't allowed to go with him most nights incase a family member saw me with him. He would come back to mine stinking of booze and cigarettes. I was upset deep down, but he would soon kiss me and tell me he loved me. We would then have sex because he wanted too. Although it never felt the same when he was drunk. He would hurt me quite a lot.

Within 6 months or so, my mum and I were argueing so much. I hardly ever saw my friends and "guy B" would get Jealous and accuse me of cheating. It was madness! I was in love with him, and never saw anyone but him. I became very isolated and very rarely left the house. Within 2 years he was completely controlling me.

Then one day, my mum came home and told me she had bumped into "guy A". He was still interested in me she said. Several days later he messaged me asking to meet up for a drink.
At first I wanted to say no. I didn't know what to do. I was scared "Guy B" would find out. But I went with my heart, and decided to meet him.

Within 5 minutes of seeing his smile, I felt like that 16 year old girl again. My stomach was filled with butterflies. We laughed so much. It just felt like old times. The spark was still there. I came home that night with the biggest smile on my face. I had been given a second chance with this amazing man, and I wasn't going to blow it this time.

I dumped "guy B". I told him I was fed up of being a secret for the past 2 years. I wanted some normality. I wanted to see my friends again and enjoy life. I didn't want to be kept in the dark anymore.
I carried on dating "guy A". I felt like I was floating on a cloud. Genuinely things were perfect. My mum would joke that we were meant to be. It sounds silly, but both of our pets were called lola, and both of our mums were called Linda. I couldn't help but think inside that this was another sign he was the one all along.

Then one night I get a phone call. "It's guy B" he's crying his eyes out. Saying he's so upset that I'm dating someone else. He kept asking me did I never truly love him? Somehow he managed to make me feel so so guilty. Like I had done the worst thing in the world and had broken his heart.
I asked him how we would ever be together because he was a Muslim and I wasn't? I spent 2 years as a secret and couldn't do it anymore. He then promised he would tell his parents. I was the girl of his dreams and he wanted to propose to me in Disney land and make all my dreams come true.
He sounded so genuine, my heart was telling me to give him another chance. And so stupidly I did.

When I told "guy B" he was devastated.
But I was so focused on getting back on track with "guy A". It's like I was in that blind bubble all over again.
We decided to go island hoping together a few months after that. We were so excited and loved up. However one day on holiday I became very ill. I was so so sick and was in a lot of pain.
He became so so angry with me. We were supposed to be going on an excursion that day, and now I had ruined everything.
I asked him to stay and look after me as I didn't want to be on my own. He became so so angry and refused. He said he wasn't wasting his money or his holiday.
For once, I became angry back. I told him he was a mistake and that I never should have taken him back. If he truly loved me he would care for me, and make sure I'm ok. He became very violent, and ended up locking me inside the hotel room. He took the key card that operates the locks and the electricity.
I was in complete darkness and couldn't even see to get in the bathroom. I started screaming and banging against the door. Eventually a lovely maid spoke the other side and said she was going to get a key.
She came back and cuddled me on the sofa and wiped away my tears. I was so so hurt. I made the biggest mistake of my life.

The day we were meant to go home, he threatened to upload innapropriate photos of me on social media if we didn't come back as a couple. I was petrified. I knew he was capable of doing it. But I couldn't bear to be with him anymore. I was so frightened of him.
And so he took my passport and got in a taxi without me.

I got in another taxi shortly after. Crying my eyes out. I was so scared I wouldn't be able to find him and get my passport. How would I get my passport back? Was he really willing to leave me in a foreign country without my passport. I was an emotionall mess in the airport and was running out of time.
When suddenly I saw him. I was shaking with fear. All hell broke loose and this man came out of nowhere and punched him. He got my passport off of him and completely knocked him to the ground.

Luckily I managed to change seats on the plane. Although the whole time I felt sick with worry about suddenly seeing naked photos of me on social media.
When I got home. I told my mum everything. We went to the police and got a restraining order put on him.

I so badly wanted to run back to "guy A" but I felt so so ashamed. Why would he want me now, after turning him down twice.
I made the biggest mistake of my life.

Fast forward another 2 years. And the man of my dreams is now married.
I'm so upset about it - even though I know I have absolutely no right to be. But the truth is, he has never left my mind nor my heart in 2 years. I dream about him all the time. I can't stop thinking about him and what might of been. He seems different on social media, he doesn't seem to smile much, and his new wife seems to be quite controlling from what I see from status"s. What if he just rushed into it? He is 32 now, what if I just gave up and decided to settle down with the very next person?
I know by telling him how I feel and how truly sorry I am for letting him go would make me a terrible terrible person. But what if, deep down, he still feels the same way? What if his feelings for me never left either?
I could be very wrong. He might be happily married and might tell me to never contact him again. But I can't go on much longer with these "what ifs?". Life is too short, and paths cross for a reason. My heart is telling me to tell him. Even if his reaction may not be the same.

What do you think I should do?
Thank you in advance
Rabs
X

[madotnw_nihs]

I am assuming Guy A is the married one that you want to reveal your feelings to. Before we jump to that, have you forgiven him for wanting to go on excursions even though you were sick? or the passport fiasco? These seem like red flags and not someone I would want to have a long-term relationship with. And why should you apologize to him when he acted like an imbecile. It sounds like he was your first love and those are the toughest let go, but my recommendation is to let him go and try to move on.

[Rabs]

I've just realised I've made a mistake with my post 3/4 of the way through - I'm so sorry for the confusion!
"Guy A" is the guy I met when I was 16, who I am still in love with now. "Guy B" is the controlling one who I took back even though I was kept a secret. Guy B Is also the one on holiday who took my passport and threatened the photos etc
X

[madotnw_nihs]

Thanks for clearing that up. My stance is still to refrain from contacting him. There is no real evidence that tells you he rushed into it. He is a big boy and made a conscience decision to get married. Did you know he was getting married? Did you have any contact with him in the recent past?

[Rabs]

I know there is no real evidence. But I just can't help but think what if? I saw on fb he was engaged, but I guess at the time I was just holding on to false hope and never believed it would happen. At the same time though, on his honeymoon is kept liking my pictures on fb. So I couldn't help but think why is he thinking of me/ looking at my photos on his honeymoon when he should be enjoying his new wife?
I just wish I could turn back time, I never would have left him. He really was the man if my dreams and I blew it

[madotnw_nihs]

I get it, you wish you can hop on a Delorean and go 88 mph, but you can't. I am firm believer in that there are more than 1 dream guy or gal for everyone. If you let yourself go of this one, you can find another.

[Saya]

I think that guy A wouldn't have get married if he wasn't ready or happy or wasn't in love.
He is old enough to know what he want.
He wouldn't have started a relationship with his wife if he truely loves you and want to be with you.

Regarding to liking photos on fb and thinking about you, Perhaps he may only see you like a sister, close friend.

He wouldn't have let you go when you rejected you for the second time If he truely loves you and want to be with you, he would most likely try to convince you to stay with him even though you said your going to give another go with guy B.
Or he would remain single and wait for you.

By saying you're in love with guy A, you may confuse him or even he may have feelings for you, there's a still slight chance that he may not leave his wife.
Nothing might change for you.

We can't tell you what you should do, so decision is up to you.

Have you ever thought of what would happen to his wife? Do you not even care about her feelings?

Sorry for being mean, but you are being selfish. If you truly love guy A, want him to be happy, leave him alone and forget about him. He is married and taken!
If he is single then by all means, go ahead and confess your love to him.

[Rabs]

I know I am being selfish, and by telling him how I feel would make me a terrible person. That is why I have posted here, to get some genuine advise. I do appreciate your honesty as it's what I need to hear.
But at the same time, life is so short. I may regret it for the rest of my life if I never tell him.
Even if he didn't feel the same way, at least then I could move on?

[lovebroken]

I'd forget both of A and B and try to find a guy C. A is married and B is a asshole. I wouldn't tell a married man I loved him, that is wrong and disrespectful to his wife and new life he has made.

[christy11]

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