Have I been moved to the back seat?

[beachnot]

My girlfriend of 3 years and I take a few days each labor day week to get away to a micro vacation. We have done this each year and it is to what I considered our special place. Being that I am divorced and she is close to divorced, we don't live together (about an hour apart), but that is another story.

Maybe my imagination is running away with me, but that is why I am here. I want to see if I am being blind or over reactive from an outside perspective.

About four weeks ago, my gf told that things were pretty busy for her and floated the idea of only one day instead of our normal two and what part of the week would be better for me. I opted for later in the week. No objections were voiced.

She is detail oriented,ALWAYS one to plan ahead and has always wanted to make the reservations. After a week went by, I asked if she had done any research on a good place to stay. She replied that she had not, but would do it that evening and let me know. I replied that I managed to move things around to have more time. Fast forward a week.. I finally asked (via text) what she had come up with and she replied that it would have to be discussed. I replied "that doesn't sound good" to which she replied: Its not bad, I just don't have the time to type it all out right now.

We got together last Wednesday (the Wednesday before labor day) and had a good time and there was intimacy. Later in the evening, I was told that she didn't think that she could go at all due to people being off at work, a new person starting and other pressures.. I basically said: "That sucks, but sometimes things don't work out".

She apparently had plans for the weekend since she never answered a text from Saturday and finally replied Tuesday Evening saying that she has been thinking about me, was sad that she could not be with me and was sorry for not checking in or saying hello.

I have noticed a drop in communication and when visiting her at her place noticed something new. It was a club right inside the front door. She said that her ex husband gave it to her to protect herself. This was odd since the guy couldn't give a crap to a point where he doesn't even know where she now lives, even though he still lives in their former marital home. I also noticed a few of "our mementos" were nowhere in sight.

So, I'm thinking at this point that this was a long, drawn out cancellation and she had already committed to something else for the weekend where she went MIA. I had some time alone to think and I now have a bad feeling that I have been moved to the backseat while she sees if someone new could work out.

So, do I call her on it, let it slide and keep my eyes open or just break contact, forget about her and let my heart start healing now.

[madotnw_nihs]

I normally don't tell people to run around like chickens with their heads cut off, but it does take conscience effort to remove mementos and do you know exactly what she did over labor day? I don't think the club thing is anything to be worried about. At this point, just ask her "Hey, I really like memento A that you, I can see it ?" or something to that effect. I wouldn't jump to any major conclusions, but try to see if you can find any other signs.

[beachnot]

Thanks for the input.

Nope, no idea. Our last texts were: Anything planned for the rest of weekend? Her response: Still waiting on my plans.. Followed by MIA
Two days before there was no mention of plans at all. Aside from the above, I just don't tolerate disrespect and feel that she has disrespected me by stringing me along until the last minute. Even if I am wrong about the back seat thing, I don't want her to think that it was OK to string me along, totally cancel and then to go MIA. I'm far from a controlling person, but If I let it go, I'll feel like a door mat. I'm just not sure how to approach that end of it either.

[Snow White]

I am a firm believer of one's gut feelings. I have said before that they are biologically built into us to keep us safe. You have been with this woman for three years and we are definitely creatures of habit so if you feel something is off, then it probably is.

Because you have three years of your life invested with this woman, I think you should be able to be honest with her and tell her you feel disrespected. You can mention you feel there is a change in her behaviors and maybe even ask about the missing mementos but, I wouldn't get into your suspicions of someone else being involved just yet.

See what her explanation is for the lack of contact and how you feel like it just isn't like her to behave that way. Personally, being the very curious person I am and always needing clarity, I would want more detail about the club. When did she see her ex? Did she tell him she felt unsafe? This could make her defensive but, that would be a sign to me that's something is up.