A humbling tale

[Fruit]

Hi, I have posted a few times before on this forum asking for advice, and in the last six months have taken time away to really concentrate on university and push my self to improve my social skills and meet new people. I am going to write this story in full, so I will leave a TLDR at the end.

I am a third year accounting student. A month or so ago, I noticed that in my tutorial was a girl that I had seen around since first year (let's call her R), but never spoken to. One early morning before a tutorial, R's friend began talking to me (I'd seen her around too) and we got chatting, she then introduced me to R. A week later at our next tutorial, it's just me and my friend in the room as we are early, and R arrives and walks past every empty seat to sit next to me. We chat a bit and she seems nice, there's already something I like about her. A few days later we have a lecture, she is late and just so happens to walk in and sit next to me again. I chatted to her during the break but never asked her name for some reason, even though I could remember from when her friend introduced me. After this, she was on my mind a little bit and I joked to my friends about how she keeps sitting next to me etc (me secretly very pleased even if it probably meant nothing at all).

Next week we had another tutorial and it was the last one before the holidays, so I really wanted to get her name so I could add her on facebook. I didn't get to sit near her or speak to her that day, so I was slightly disappointed. That afternoon I told my friend about her, and as I was explaining, I checked facebook and would you believe it, I had a friend request from her. I honestly couldn't stop grinning at this point. In my experience, a girl never adds you on facebook when she barely knows you at all unless she is probably wanting to be more than friends.

The next day, I messaged her. We chatted a lot and quickly planned to get coffee on the thursday evening. We flirted a bit and she said that if I liked her at coffee I'd be welcome to go back to hers afterwards to watch a tv series she loved but I'd never seen. For the next few days we chatted lots more and flirted lots more over message, she was really starting to come across as keen. I'd just like to say at this point that this girl was the first girl I'd been genuinely excited about for nearly 3 years. I've been on plenty of dates over the years and some of them I've really considered just not going. But I actually couldn't wait to meet this girl outside of class, the excitement outweighed the nervousness. Roll forward to the wednesday and she messages me saying we could move it forward to that night if I wanted/could, so of course I said yes.

I picked her up and we went for the planned coffee, we talked for almost 2 hours and we both really enjoyed each other's company. As we decided to leave, she did indeed invite me back to hers. We get back to hers and are still talking so much, all of her flat mates are away and it's just me and her in the house. We put the movie on and she invites me to get into her bed with her (both fully clothed it was freezing). At this point I'm starting to add everything up, and so during the midst of not paying attention to the tv and just talking, I finally find the courage to kiss her. It's amazing. I purposely did not push for anything more than kissing, because I am just not like that and wanted to get to know her anyway. We ended up just kissing a lot more and I left in the early hours of the morning.

The next morning she messaged me thanking me for a great evening and we plan for me to go back over to hers again on the friday, so only 2 days after the coffee night. I absolutely could not wait to go back over, especially as we had now presumably established kissing terms. The friday night was very much more of the same, lots of talking/kissing, but again I didn't push further. Another 2 days later, we had plans to see each other but nothing concrete. So she came over to mine for a couple of hours doing more of the same, and then invited me back to hers for dinner because her flat mate was going to cook dinner for the 3 of us. R was getting a bit sick this day, but I ended up actually staying the night at hers after the dinner. During that night we actually talked about sex, and she told me that if I had pushed for more on the first night, she would not have seen me again. Without actually using the word sex, she told me she wanted/was ready to go further but just not that night as she was sick.

I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words, and for me, R's actions told me everything I needed to know. She would randomly kiss me all over my face etc, and there was a moment the next morning of me staying over where she was just sitting on my lap with her legs each side of me and she is kissing me all over again. I left shortly after but by this point I'm obviously pretty happy. Let's remember though that all this has happened over the space of 5 days, and only the third time I'd met her outside of class.

Lunch time that day I get a message from her, and my heart sunk immediately because I knew what it meant. She basically said she has been thinking about us and was feeling overwhelmed with what was happening and life in general, and asked if she could come over to mine after work and talk about it in person. As much as I knew it wasn't going to be what I wanted to hear, I really appreciate and respect her honesty and maturity for wanting to talk about it in person. At this point I had kissed her for the last time.

She came over that evening and she was nervous. What she said was that she thinks we should stop. Firstly because we both had a very busy couple of weeks coming up with exams, but also because she is going away travelling for 2 months over summer, and up to 6 months next year. She wants to be free and single for that. She said if we carried on the way we were, we were both going to end up getting hurt. I agreed. She told me she still wanted to be friends, but in all truth I said I didn't want her friendship, I wanted to carry on as we were, and didn't know if I'd be able to be friends with her if it hurt me, which she understood. I should probably note that she is very social. She left after an hour and it was on really good terms, but I essentially told her I would try and be friends with her and see if I would be ok with it. It all really hit me after she left.

That was almost 2 weeks ago. Since then we have studied so much together (nearly every day) and we have met and actually got to know each other's friends. I honestly felt pretty comfortable about being around her as a friend, even though I 99% knew we would not have a romantic thing between us anymore. We had that conversation at the right time. Last night was our first time drinking together - me, her and a few of each of our friends. She had no other flat mates at home that night, but invited my brother (me and my brother are actually very good friends and part of the same group) and his girlfriend to stay in the spare room as they were too far from his place. She also invited my friend S, and me to stay also. I asked her where I would stay, and she said in her bed but made it clear nothing would happen. Fine, because that's what we agreed. The strange thing was that where we were drinking was only a 5 minute walk from mine and S's house as well, so it made no sense to stay at hers, maybe none of us were thinking logically. Maybe she just likes the company. S stayed in another spare room on his own and I stayed in R's bed with her.

We were both drunk but I told her before we slept that I was really pleased to have met her, even though I was disappointed it didn't work out between us. She agreed and said we just wouldn't work, we are just too different, which to be honest is true. Nothing happened that night, I honestly think she would have pulled away if I attempted to kiss her. I feel like she moves very quickly and is already over our very brief romantic phase, which is understandable, whereas I'm not convinced I am. But it also makes me wonder why she would invite me to stay at hers in her bed even though my house was much closer, even if my friends were staying also.

This is where things stand today. Sorry for the incredibly long read, but I would like to know what people think and what advice they would offer if any. Thanks so much for reading.


TLDR; met a girl in my class, started out very romantically, hasn't worked out, and are now friends.

[Snow White]

What do I think? I'm glad I'm not a guy in the dating scene today. Throughout these threads, in my opinion, the women seem to send off very mixed signals. They want someone to care for them, but they don't want to have to commit to anything.

I feel bad for you because she got physical with you and teased you along sexually. Personally, and don't take this to heart, I think she decided she was not totally into you physically/sexually. She invited you to stay because you are a comfy, convenient friend.