I can't forgive myself for something that I did

[AT95]

Hi,
about 3 months ago I was on my crush's birthday party (it was a surprise party for her and I was invited by one of her friends)
and of course there was alcohol and I've got all drunk like an idiot and tried to kiss her
(I usually dont drink alot, I don't know what happened to me that night) and I just hate myself now :/
it's been 3 months since then and I apolegized a thousand of times and she said that its fine and that she is not mad at me
and we even met a couple of times after that,hugged each other and all these but I just can't forgive to myself,
even when we were talking I couldn't look her in the eyes because I felt ashamed (we have a long distance friendship now)
I can't believe that this happened to me.. please help me
sorry for my bad english.

[pcmaster]

Cmon man you are just talking like a virgin here. I mean you need real kissing experience - someone to kiss with a lot so you will see that kiss is nothing big when you are experienced. What if someone who likes you but you see only as a friend would try to kiss you? Would you get mad at that girl? I think you will be understandable besides its not like ruining someones life its not rapping or something.

You have to be bold and you need to go for things you want and experience all that great stuff that you been missing all these years. Told you milion times that was not the right girl but you will find a girl who wants you. Just dont dvell on the past mistakes but start every day as a clean page.

I start every relationship as clean page. Yes you loved that girl but you didnt do anything bad. You think she was good? You still have a lot to discover. Exciting things are out there. As you grow older you learn to love less and enjoy more. Right now you are just suffering and not enjoying.

[GLYC]

Your friendship was a fraud anyways. You wanted her romantically. She was never interested. Date other women.

I remember your post. You need to look for other women.

I've been hung up on women before as well, it never ends well. Now? Now I keep moving. I express my interest and if it isn't reciprocated, I'll find someone else.
Eventually you'll adopt an abundance mentality. Where you know that sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose.

It still hurts wheh things fall apart with someone you care about, but you also realize, that "the one" is a myth and we can be compatible with all sorts of people.
So why not find that next person? The next person who is just as concerned as you are with wanting things to work out.
And when you find that person, things are infinitely easier and better.

[AT95]

Your friendship was a fraud anyways. You wanted her romantically. She was never interested. Date other women.

I remember your post. You need to look for other women.

I've been hung up on women before as well, it never ends well. Now? Now I keep moving. I express my interest and if it isn't reciprocated, I'll find someone else.
Eventually you'll adopt an abundance mentality. Where you know that sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose.

It still hurts wheh things fall apart with someone you care about, but you also realize, that "the one" is a myth and we can be compatible with all sorts of people.
So why not find that next person? The next person who is just as concerned as you are with wanting things to work out.
And when you find that person, things are infinitely easier and better.

Well,we still keep in touch here and there but I do feel that she got very distanced from me and that as the time pass it doesn't do any better.
(I already gave up talking to her about this subject because whenever I tried to ask her and to find out if anything is wrong she never gave me an answer
and the only thing she did was giving me excuses like "I didn't see your message" or "I was busy/sleeping" and that only pissed me off.)
and even when we do manage to talk I feel like we are total strangers (no emotions or any empathy from her, like I've been talking to 2 different people)
and my question is -
Should I even bother? or act like nothing happened and stay cool without involving any kind of emotion

[GLYC]

Don't bother. I would just stop reaching out to her. She's distant, she probably feels like the situation is awkward, I would just walk away from it all.
If she reaches out, be nice and all. But otherwise, nah, I'd just forget it.

It's pointless to do more with it.

And ehh.. never get pissed off with women. Become an emotional mountain, a center of strength.
You can express disapproval, disappointment, and other emotions, but do it when it's necessary. Here, I would just hard move on.

[TheEvilJester]

I wish I could say differently, but I do have to agree with the others. I'll say this... You shouldn't feel too bad. You liked her and wanted more than a friendship. So, you tried to go for that. Unfortunately it didn't work out. But, you never know. What if it had? At least now you know rather than being left to wonder.

Now, ideally you should have tried asking her out first. But I know you didn't INTEND for that to happen, it just kind of did. Ideally, though, it isn't really best to go from being friends with somebody to just kissing them out of nowhere. Unfortunately, you've seen a good example of why that isn't best. If, instead, you'd asked her out and she wasn't interested, it would have at least had a chance of not being too awkward. Maybe you could have remained friends.

But, hindsight is always 20/20. You were bold, albeit briefly. That isn't entirely something to be ashamed of. Again, your approach could have been better, but it is better off that way than if you just kept letting yourself wonder what if?

For now, you tried and she wasn't interested in you in the same way. So, really best just to move on. If she were willing to be friendly that would be one thing, but it seems like she just felt it best to move on. So, don't keep pushing it. If she wants to be friends, she can reach back out to you. If not, then you are better off knowing that now and moving on to other possible options. You WILL find somebody some day. If it wasn't her, that just means she wasn't the right one. Somebody is still out there for you.

Good luck.

[AT95]

Don't bother. I would just stop reaching out to her. She's distant, she probably feels like the situation is awkward, I would just walk away from it all.
If she reaches out, be nice and all. But otherwise, nah, I'd just forget it.

It's pointless to do more with it.

And ehh.. never get pissed off with women. Become an emotional mountain, a center of strength.
You can express disapproval, disappointment, and other emotions, but do it when it's necessary. Here, I would just hard move on.

I wish I could say differently, but I do have to agree with the others. I'll say this... You shouldn't feel too bad. You liked her and wanted more than a friendship. So, you tried to go for that. Unfortunately it didn't work out. But, you never know. What if it had? At least now you know rather than being left to wonder.

Now, ideally you should have tried asking her out first. But I know you didn't INTEND for that to happen, it just kind of did. Ideally, though, it isn't really best to go from being friends with somebody to just kissing them out of nowhere. Unfortunately, you've seen a good example of why that isn't best. If, instead, you'd asked her out and she wasn't interested, it would have at least had a chance of not being too awkward. Maybe you could have remained friends.

But, hindsight is always 20/20. You were bold, albeit briefly. That isn't entirely something to be ashamed of. Again, your approach could have been better, but it is better off that way than if you just kept letting yourself wonder what if?

For now, you tried and she wasn't interested in you in the same way. So, really best just to move on. If she were willing to be friendly that would be one thing, but it seems like she just felt it best to move on. So, don't keep pushing it. If she wants to be friends, she can reach back out to you. If not, then you are better off knowing that now and moving on to other possible options. You WILL find somebody some day. If it wasn't her, that just means she wasn't the right one. Somebody is still out there for you.

Good luck.

thank you very much for your help and support!
it means alot for me

[pcmaster]

Means a lot? I answered you first !

Anyway man texting really sucks. Few days ago I was reading old FB messages with a girl I once used to like and date. I could tell by the messages that I was excited about her 6 months ago. Anyway saw her online on monday and messaged asked what shes doing how is she doing. She replied on how is shes doing - Good and said shes doing nothing and asked me the same. Remembered from her old messages that she better like to talk in person. So I invited her to restaurant despite that she didnt wanted to eat but said she can accompany me if I want to eat. Anyway we sat in restaurant and she told me a lot about what shes been up to and that kind of stuff.
In person talking was much better than chatting over interned besides we live half a mile from eachother so cant find peace about fact that we live so close and it would be so easy to meet. Besides I lifted her up and held her hand as long as I could. But really this meeting made me think about her so much that I wasnt ready to have these feelings again.

So yeah man its normal that girl dies on you over a chat. Everyone likes real thing - real friend or real BF, GF that is possible to meet. I been chatting with one girl everyday over a year and I know how it is when girl lose interest and gets sick of you. But Im happy that girl stopped responding so often cause that made me look for girls who have interest in me and it pushed me date girls with who I can have much more than ever before. Chatting with a girl who dont have interest in you is like sucking on your moms breast. Sooner or later you have to grow up or you will be forced to stop cause nipple will be taken away from you.

Its time to go out there and live !

[rickwman]

Hi,
about 3 months ago I was on my crush's birthday party (it was a surprise party for her and I was invited by one of her friends)
and of course there was alcohol and I've got all drunk like an idiot and tried to kiss her
(I usually dont drink alot, I don't know what happened to me that night) and I just hate myself now :/
it's been 3 months since then and I apolegized a thousand of times and she said that its fine and that she is not mad at me
and we even met a couple of times after that,hugged each other and all these but I just can't forgive to myself,
even when we were talking I couldn't look her in the eyes because I felt ashamed (we have a long distance friendship now)
I can't believe that this happened to me.. please help me
sorry for my bad english.

So sorry this happened to you. You seem like a very reasonable and caring person. If you can't forgive yourself, then the person who tries to love you, whoever it is, girlfriend, friends, parents, etc. are going to suffer along with you because it can make you more withdrawn, critical and less open to others. I don't think that's something you want. Plus it's not good for your mental or physical health.

She's forgiven you. It's in the past. Speak with someone you trust; a parent, counselor or pastor about the specific wrong you committed and the harm it caused. Let them help you heal. I'll pray that such a person can set you free from guilt or condemnation.

[AT95]

Means a lot? I answered you first !

Anyway man texting really sucks. Few days ago I was reading old FB messages with a girl I once used to like and date. I could tell by the messages that I was excited about her 6 months ago. Anyway saw her online on monday and messaged asked what shes doing how is she doing. She replied on how is shes doing - Good and said shes doing nothing and asked me the same. Remembered from her old messages that she better like to talk in person. So I invited her to restaurant despite that she didnt wanted to eat but said she can accompany me if I want to eat. Anyway we sat in restaurant and she told me a lot about what shes been up to and that kind of stuff.
In person talking was much better than chatting over interned besides we live half a mile from eachother so cant find peace about fact that we live so close and it would be so easy to meet. Besides I lifted her up and held her hand as long as I could. But really this meeting made me think about her so much that I wasnt ready to have these feelings again.

So yeah man its normal that girl dies on you over a chat. Everyone likes real thing - real friend or real BF, GF that is possible to meet. I been chatting with one girl everyday over a year and I know how it is when girl lose interest and gets sick of you. But Im happy that girl stopped responding so often cause that made me look for girls who have interest in me and it pushed me date girls with who I can have much more than ever before. Chatting with a girl who dont have interest in you is like sucking on your moms breast. Sooner or later you have to grow up or you will be forced to stop cause nipple will be taken away from you.

Its time to go out there and live !

Wish I was in your situation..
I already tried to ask her out a couple of times in the past (you know,to eat something and have a nice talk just like you did.. not an actual date)
but all I heard from her was "I have to think about it" and it didn't seem like she was intrested at all (NEVER got an answer from her by the way)
and throughout the time even when I did manage to talk to her face to face she was really cold to me and it just got awkward.
The other thing is that we live far away from each other so even if she was intrested having something with me this relationship wouldn't last for long.
I guess that I'm just stupid that I didn't give up at the first place.

So sorry this happened to you. You seem like a very reasonable and caring person. If you can't forgive yourself, then the person who tries to love you, whoever it is, girlfriend, friends, parents, etc. are going to suffer along with you because it can make you more withdrawn, critical and less open to others. I don't think that's something you want. Plus it's not good for your mental or physical health.

She's forgiven you. It's in the past. Speak with someone you trust; a parent, counselor or pastor about the specific wrong you committed and the harm it caused. Let them help you heal. I'll pray that such a person can set you free from guilt or condemnation.

ok thanks

[TheEvilJester]

I guess that I'm just stupid that I didn't give up at the first place.

You aren't stupid, you had a crush. I think we've all been there. I think almost everybody has has an unrequited love interest. Somebody we liked and hoped could be something more than just a friend, but they didn't feel the same way. It isn't easy to just flip a switch and turn that off. Especially once you've really started to crush on somebody. It isn't like it is just so simple to say "Oh, okay. So, she didn't like me. Well, no biggie then. I'll just move on."

In the end, moving on is the right thing to do. You tried (and again, that is good), but unfortunately she didn't feel the same way. So, yes, you definitely should move on and look for other possible love interests. But, you are NOT stupid. You just had a crush that, unfortunately, wasn't returned. Some day you will have a crush again, but it WILL be returned. I know it can be hard to feel this way now, but honestly you are so much better off for having at least given it a try. If you'd just let yourself continue to wonder what if, you'd be left with that feeling. Believe me, even if it doesn't turn out well it is much better knowing that than to keep wondering what could have happened if you tried.

Good luck to you.

[richiro]

she forgave you. let it go. it happens.
it's agreat sign she still talks and is friends with you - it means ITS OKAY. no harm no foul she understands.

if you CONTINUE to keep bringing it up between you and make it THE CENTRAL IDENTITY to your friendship - you WILL eventually lose her. SO STOP thinking about it, bringing it up, and beating yourself up. Just be a GOOD friend and make good memories with her going forwar and i'm sure it will be forgotten and a non-issue. Just don't do it again!

[pcmaster]

Its understandable that you cant let go this girl cause shes your first love. You want to fight for your happiness despite that with this girl odds are against you since begining. It is like that with first girls but soon when you get more experienced you understand that girls come and go. And it gets easier to let go cause you know that this wasnt only girl for you, that God have plans to give you more girls in your life. Its good that you dont give up easy. Some girls wants guys to fight for them and dont give up. But then again others will say you have to respect girls wishes and if shes not interested in you then respect that too. Best you can do is take your time to get over this crush, stop contact as you are only tortuing and humiliating yourself since she often dont respond. And then when you ready in your own time give another girl a chance. Start with dating, that would be the eadiest way, if girl is interested you dont need to chat longer than a day or half an hour with girl till she agrees to meet with you. Also I have a buddy who asks girls out in his first message and actually have dates too.

So yesh clear your mind, clear your heart and start again.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GdnYedTpToA

[AT95]

You aren't stupid, you had a crush. I think we've all been there. I think almost everybody has has an unrequited love interest. Somebody we liked and hoped could be something more than just a friend, but they didn't feel the same way. It isn't easy to just flip a switch and turn that off. Especially once you've really started to crush on somebody. It isn't like it is just so simple to say "Oh, okay. So, she didn't like me. Well, no biggie then. I'll just move on."

In the end, moving on is the right thing to do. You tried (and again, that is good), but unfortunately she didn't feel the same way. So, yes, you definitely should move on and look for other possible love interests. But, you are NOT stupid. You just had a crush that, unfortunately, wasn't returned. Some day you will have a crush again, but it WILL be returned. I know it can be hard to feel this way now, but honestly you are so much better off for having at least given it a try. If you'd just let yourself continue to wonder what if, you'd be left with that feeling. Believe me, even if it doesn't turn out well it is much better knowing that than to keep wondering what could have happened if you tried.

Good luck to you.

she forgave you. let it go. it happens.
it's agreat sign she still talks and is friends with you - it means ITS OKAY. no harm no foul she understands.

if you CONTINUE to keep bringing it up between you and make it THE CENTRAL IDENTITY to your friendship - you WILL eventually lose her. SO STOP thinking about it, bringing it up, and beating yourself up. Just be a GOOD friend and make good memories with her going forwar and i'm sure it will be forgotten and a non-issue. Just don't do it again!

Its understandable that you cant let go this girl cause shes your first love. You want to fight for your happiness despite that with this girl odds are against you since begining. It is like that with first girls but soon when you get more experienced you understand that girls come and go. And it gets easier to let go cause you know that this wasnt only girl for you, that God have plans to give you more girls in your life. Its good that you dont give up easy. Some girls wants guys to fight for them and dont give up. But then again others will say you have to respect girls wishes and if shes not interested in you then respect that too. Best you can do is take your time to get over this crush, stop contact as you are only tortuing and humiliating yourself since she often dont respond. And then when you ready in your own time give another girl a chance. Start with dating, that would be the eadiest way, if girl is interested you dont need to chat longer than a day or half an hour with girl till she agrees to meet with you. Also I have a buddy who asks girls out in his first message and actually have dates too.

So yesh clear your mind, clear your heart and start again.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GdnYedTpToA

I can say that only by reading these comments I'm starting to feel alot better about this whole situation
and about her in general. and [MENTION=42177]pcmaster[/MENTION] , I already stopped doing that exactly because of this reason.
I tried to call her this week but she didn't pick up and after that she didn't even try to contact me back or
to explain to me what is going on and I'm kinda tired of pursuing her the whole time..
at first it was ok even for me but now, when it seems like I'm the only one who cares about this friendship
and the only one who gives a **** whether we will talk or not it's really annoying.
so yep, I didn't talk to her at all for the past week and it's not like I completely forgot about her or hate her or anything like that
but I do feel a relief.. Thanks to everyone once again for your support!

[pcmaster]

Now just dont let the succsess with girls be your measurment how good you are. You tried hard with a girl but got very little to no results and that can damage confidence with girls. But you dont have to see girls as something that needs a lot of effort. With some girls its easy to progress with others its hard or basicaly impossi le. See each girl as diferent even if attitute towards you might be similar from them sometimes. Also when you get lucky with girls dont get cocky or think you got it all cause relationships takes work and self development in longterm. Just be careful dont become lazy or take things for granted once you hit the base of your goal. It will be interesting to see you grow and progress so keep coming back to forum to update on your attemps with girls. For me it took years of bad luck and disapointment but then last year one message to girl(girl I never met or talked to)
who I was sure wont respond changed it all. Went from a guy who havent really kissed girl in whole life to guy who ends up in bed with 3 diferent girls during 6 months and refused chance to have sex with each of them. So all it takes sometimes is to give it one last shot cause there might be opportunity you didnt even knew exist for you. Not selling sex here just saying that dont leave stone unturned.