Do you think this Girl likes me?

[A_ManInLove]

I met this Girl in a work related situation a few months ago, I employ her to do some stuff for me so I see her a few days a week.

She's 14 years younger than me and a Capricorn, I'm an Aries in case anyone with astrological insight wants to chip in.

I'm getting some really mixed signals from her and it's confusing the hell out of me.

We get on really well and over the time I've know her it felt like she opened up to me. The last few years she's been dealt some pretty rubbish cards through no fault of her own, bad relationships and men generally being a disappointment, that sort of thing. Listening to her woes is what made me realise I was falling for her, I just wanted to give her a big hug and tell her everything would be OK. We'd sit together while she told me about her family, kids, how her day had been and all the rubbish she was dealing with. One time while we were talking I put my hand on her knee, wasn't planned and wasn't meant in way any to be a come on. She didn't try to stop me or say anything, just smiled a little.

The next time I saw her the same sort of thing happened. When she walked in I put my hand on her shoulder and sort of pulled her towards me and I said hope you're feeling better today, again, just a little smile. I'm captivated by this girl, we'd sit and talk, I'd touch her hair, hold her hand and never a word or any sign she didn't want me to do it. That night I messaged her and said something that could have been considered in the wrong way, wasn't intended, just wanted her to feel loved. Her immediate response was "This is never going to happen, I'm just your friend". I apologised and told her that I never intended to say anything to upset her. She said "Don't worry about it, I just wanted to make things clear".

The next time I saw her I felt really bad and told her all my intentions were honourable, I love you and if friends it is then I'm happy. She brushed it off and said not to worry, her exact words were "chill out".

Since then it's all back to normal. We talk, I give her the odd reassuring touch, she tells me what going on in her life, that she's going out with a friend at weekend (who's a big guy who has a girlfriend and can look after himself so I'll be OK) and she leaves with me giving her a peck on the cheek and a hug.

Any help would be appreciated because I'm madly in Love with this girl and very confused.

[Spinosaurus]

She very clearly stated that she does not like you romantically, so no I do not think that she likes you.

Also, I think you should seriously take a step back with touching her, especially because you are in a work related relationship.

[A_ManInLove]

If it wasn't for everything else and the way she's treated me before and since I'd agree.

She's had some bad relationships and maybe she thinks if it gets more serious I'm going to hurt her, which I never would.

The more I think about it perhaps she doesn't want to believe someone she's only know for a while could love her that much and not just want to get in her pants.

[A_ManInLove]

Replying to my own post I know.
Just been looking through the messages we sent each other when we first met. Flirty, fun and having a laugh, all the things you'd expect if someone was in to you.
She only backs off when I get serious and say too much. Me not leaving it when she's said something nice to me. Pushing it too far and sounding needy. Not giving her space.
Does she think I'm just another bloke who'll tell her anything to get in her pants then sod off when I've had my way?
That would never happen, furthest thing from my mind.

[pcmaster]

Younger gitls are more sexual and less serious, more lighthearted. She might not tell diference between you wanting have sex with her vs you liking her a lot or living her. That is if you want sex with her she might aswell think you like or love her. Kissing on a cheek wont do any good. It needs to be sexual or dont do it at all. She wont have feelings for you if you cant keep the sexual tension between you two. Girls need to feel desired even if you dont have intension to have sex. Without sex you can be only good friends at best.

[Spinosaurus]

She wont have feelings for you if you cant keep the sexual tension between you two. Girls need to feel desired even if you dont have intension to have sex.

True that!

That night I messaged her and said something that could have been considered in the wrong way, wasn't intended, just wanted her to feel loved. Her immediate response was "This is never going to happen, I'm just your friend". I apologised and told her that I never intended to say anything to upset her. She said "Don't worry about it, I just wanted to make things clear".

Still, I honestly do not think she likes you back based on her explicitly telling you she likes you as a friend and nothing more. And now, regardless of that, you are still searching for signs so you can tell yourself that she actually does like you back. You are infatuated with her.

You expressing your love to her is a compliment. Obviously she likes you, as friends. You give her advice, comfort, (flirtatious) attention, basically you boost her self-esteem which is all very pleasant: for her.

Assuming that she does likes you in a romantic way, I find it very surprising that she would tell you "no, never going to happen, wanted to make things clear". Even if she's been hurt in the past. Do you see my point? She could have said anything other than that.

[A_ManInLove]

Still, I honestly do not think she likes you back based on her explicitly telling you she likes you as a friend and nothing more. And now, regardless of that, you are still searching for signs so you can tell yourself that she actually does like you back. You are infatuated with her.

You expressing your love to her is a compliment. Obviously she likes you, as friends. You give her advice, comfort, (flirtatious) attention, basically you boost her self-esteem which is all very pleasant: for her.

Assuming that she does likes you in a romantic way, I find it very surprising that she would tell you "no, never going to happen, wanted to make things clear". Even if she's been hurt in the past. Do you see my point? She could have said anything other than that.

I see your point, but everything else she has done before or since points in completely the other direction.

Flirting on messenger, it's not just me, she responds to it all well.

Sending me pictures when she's on a night out, selfies because I asked what she was wearing. She hates having her picture taken.

Telling me what's she's doing when she's not here. Telling me what time she's coming round.

Pictures of her daughter and grandson.

Are those the sort of things you do with someone you just want to be a friend?

She's been hurt really badly by some ex's. When I first met her she was with a guy. I think she really loved him, they'd got engaged and it seems like he was promising her the world but just making her life hell. Won't go in to specifics but it involved alcohol, threats to kill himself etc. She was the one that had to deal with it all. She has a busy life, works long hours, has a daughter with a young baby and she also looks after her Mother who's been ill. She told me about all this when we first got to know each other.

I get the feeling she's learned to keep her guard up with people. She's been hurt a lot in the past by people she thought loved her and doesn't want it to happen again.

When I pushed it a little too far the guards came back up.

I'm answering my own questions here but I think she does like me and have feelings for me. I'm showing her I love her but she doesn't really believe me yet.

[pcmaster]

She might like you but you might be friendzoning yourself ir she might not be ready for anything new. I think you have to sneak your way in. Do something friendly together that turns out to be more. Next time when giving her peck on a cheek, kiss her on a lips. Stop being gay with her.

[A_ManInLove]

She might like you but you might be friendzoning yourself ir she might not be ready for anything new. I think you have to sneak your way in. Do something friendly together that turns out to be more. Next time when giving her peck on a cheek, kiss her on a lips. Stop being gay with her.

Not being "Gay", whatever that means, will not get me anywhere, pretty certain of that. She has a tattoo down her side, saying to her I'd like to slowly trace it with my finger is what prompted the negative reaction.

As far as I know she's only had two serious relationships in her life, about eight years between the two and they both seem to have ended badly. She's beautiful and fun to be with and there's no shortage of men who'd love to get her in bed I'm sure. That says to me this Girl doesn't take falling in love lightly.

If she was sure I was just after a bit of fun I think coming on to her might work and maybe get me a night to remember, that's not what I want. Telling her you're serious about her makes her guard come up and she pulls away. I think she's had her belief that someone could really love her unconditionally and it's forever broken too many times.

I'm not a patient person, if I see something I want, I want it now! If I want this to develop and last (which I do more than anything in the world) I think I need to play the long game. Learn to step back when she thinks I'm getting too heavy, give her space when she needs it, keep saying the right things and make sure I'm there for her whenever she needs it.

This Girl is the one, 100% sure of that. I want to be able to love her and look after her as long as I'm on this planet, simples, however long that takes.

[pcmaster]

Ok if you are so smart you dont need advice. Keep rocking.

[A_ManInLove]

Ok if you are so smart you dont need advice. Keep rocking.

I didn't mean to sound ungrateful, thanks for your input.

I think just being able to write it all down here has made me realise what's happening and what I need to do.

[pcmaster]

Its like counceling. Also questions like how you feel about this helps to explore feeling and understand yourself better. That leads to clear mind and better decisions.

[cutejessie93]

Look there are two things. One is she has clearly stated that she is your friend only. Second thing is you are in love with her. Some one is right you have put yourself in friend zone. If you love her and want to be in relationship with her you should get out from friend zone. Do some thing that signal shows your extreme love towards her. Touch her romantically. Look in her eyes directly and remain silent. She should feel that you doesn't mean her as a friend only. Tell your feelings and make clear that you dont want to be her friend only but take this relationship to next level. I am sure she will start to think about you in different way.

Thanks

[pcmaster]

Talk slower and have pause when talking. Its sexier.

[A_ManInLove]

....................................Do some thing that signal shows your extreme love towards her. Touch her romantically. Look in her eyes directly and remain silent. She should feel that you doesn't mean her as a friend only. Tell your feelings and make clear that you dont want to be her friend only but take this relationship to next level. I am sure she will start to think about you in different way.

Thanks

Well ahead of you there. Things are looking good :-) This Girl needs to believe me when I say I love her and would never hurt her, think she's getting the idea.