Relationship is deteriorating. Will it get better?

[aawwess]

I’ve been dating a girl for just about 1 and a half years. For the first year, it has been incredibly rewarding and enjoyable to be with her. I have enjoyed spending time with her and dating her. Despite living 100 km away from one another in different cities, we would regularly alternate visiting each other (even though she went to uni in my city). We go on amazing adventures and dates together and we both buy amazing gifts for each other. We talk regularly on the phone and spend hours chatting about life and our days. She’s my best friend and we discuss everything, including issues in the relationship.

There have been minor sexual issues throughout this first year; she’s failed to orgasm despite numerous attempts and comunication and she has less of a sex drive than me. Despite this, for the first year, she would still enjoy sex and was usually keen to do it.

Recently, we have both noticed a behavioural change in her affecting our relationship. One of the first issues I noticed was a complete shutdown in her sex drive. Showing her my body, especially my chest, used to turn her on, but no has no effect. Touching her nipples or her private parts used to instantly turn her on, now she is always ticklish there, and seems annoyed when I do touch it (I’ve called her out for lying about this once). She knows how much I love sex and does do it with me, but remains silent during it and will sometimes ask how close I am to finishing. In general she doesn’t seem to like being touched unless it’s completely innocent or a back massage, and would never touch or grope me in a sexual manner. I’ve talked to her about this and encouraged her to tell me she doesn’t find me attractive but she insists she finds me attractive.

Furthermore, I’ve noticed she has started to treat me differently. When I do ring her, she’s always tired and complaining about her casual job and uni. She never does visit me when she’s at uni in my city, and recently all of our visits have been at her house. I don’t want to push her by making her come to my house (which is in the city she goes to uni too) meaning I’m regularly travelling 100 km to see her despite her visiting my city and rarely seeing me.

To make matters more complicated, in the middle of next year I’m going overseas for a year, which we both intend to stay together for.

I really don’t want to leave this girl, she’s my best friend. Is there a way I can repair this? Is there something I might be doing?

[madotnw_nihs]

I think if you want to repair this, you need to get to the bottom of the issue. There must be another explanation for this and I don't want to jump into any conclusions. The sexual issue is symptom to whatever is happening.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed with madotnw. The sexual issues are probably a symptom of something else. There is definitely the possibility of you two fixing things and getting back into a good relationship.... and there is also the possibility that you two are just not the right match, are learning that now, and would be better off ending it.

I know this sounds overly simplistic, but communication really is key. Try to talk about this stuff. Not in any accusatory manner, just very respectfully and friendly, letting each other be heard. Maybe you two can discover what is wrong and work to fix it. Maybe you two would be better off breaking it off. But, you can't know that if one or both of you refuse to even deal with it.

Good luck to you. Not an easy decision, so I wish you the best in figuring it out.

[Hooo!]

Get good in bed
Get good with tongue and fingers if your penis is not enough
Google and read thoroughly sex god method PDF

Cunnilingus and fellatio should be things you are good at giving receiving

(Mental) Foreplay is the imo most important thing

And stop being so ****ing (sorry bad pun cumming in ) selfish
You job is to pleasure her. Nothing more noting less.
That’s it.

And stop having sex the way you are having it now entirely (not stop sex entirely)
It doesn’t work
Change it

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t agree with both above
It could be it’s just the symptom
Could be also it’s the reason

But for sure is: you think you are in a wonderful relationship
She doesn’t think so for whatever reasons

[Shoukon]

This doesn't sound like an issue that's a death sentence to your relationship. There's a good chance that new feelings have come up for her in the relationship that are depressing a lot of her drive to have sex with you, talk with you, engage with you and drive to you. It seems that she's withdrawing and there's no answer why yet.

This could be something "simple" in the sense that she's just feeling overwhelmed from Uni and work which will kill a lot of the drives we have towards sex and going out. It could be more "complicated" where your relationship has gone into a destructive pattern that she's reacting to. I actually wrote about this topic Here: http://adamayala.org/unconscious-manufacturing-of-dullness-in-relationships/ and then wrote an advice peace about it which is also linked at the end of the article. I hope this was helpful.