Longing to be loved 2

[pcmaster]

Thanks for support Jester. I hope it will go well too. Really pumped up about tomorrows Valentines day. Its funny cause I wont be working tomorrow and that alone made me feel better today. I told taxi driver that I wont be there tomorrow and he guessed that I have to celebrate valentines day. Boss forgot to arrange vaccation for me but agreed that I dont have to show up tomorrow. And to think that 3 years ago I didnt even took day off to meet girl I been chatting for 2 years. This is first time I took day off to meet any girl. It just feels right. Dayum Im in such a good mood that its hard to concetrate. Will update tomorrow.

[Hooo!]

Good luck
Tell us what happened

[pcmaster]

Thanks Hooo !

Luck was useful. Gona keep it short cause slept only for 2 hours max tonite and will try to get a little rest before work.

So girl invited me to a live concert in her city. It was great time spend in arena, listening and singing to music. Song that I felt the most was with text - "Fear goes away" - I was singing it and it was like therapy for me. Best part about it was almost 2 hour long hug for me cause I was holding girl. Wish it mattered to her as much as it mattered to me. Some songs spoke deeply to me what I did sing.

Anyway we met in center of city and she wasnt in her best mood after work, but that changed. Later she told me that she was thinking I will give her flowers on valentines day. It was surprise for me cause I was thinking that V day is for saying L world but so far this was third time we met and we had only like 4 kisses, more like pecks on a lips because she didnt wanted to kiss more. So after that I should give her flowers? are you with me guys? Whos right and whos wrong here?
Sure I like this girl and shes one of the best if not the best one I dated but I dont feel like its time for a gifts yet for example flowers. Its funny that my mum said before that I should and that girl will be expecting something for valentines day. Of course I didnt listened cause I never do besides I think I know better about girls and my relationships than she do. But this time mum was right like few other times before.

Anyway I was in a really good mood after concert but it did killed fast because this time what was special for me spend together, was just another one concert for a girl since shes been to a lot of them.
I felt like this night will be the night - concert will end late and I will stay night at girls place and we will have sex on this special day - valentines day. But concert ended soon, my mood was killed quick and (I didnt felt important to a girl despite that she means a lot to me) and I could easly make it to train home what I told her and so I was going to train when she texted me - come back. I stopped instantly and asked - Seriously? She answered and I went back(You call to me, and I fall at your feet
How could anyone ask for more? - Nickleback Trying not to love You song reference) to Mcdonalds where I left her with her with her two friends that are girls. Then we went to her place and was chilling there in a kitchen. She gave me coke with whiskey and I tried it - just a taste of it, didnt wanted to get drunk.

However we got to bed what was the weirdest part. We kissed and I tried to spice it up with more action but she was holding back until I asked her - what do you want? She said - I want tenderness(or loving, not sure how to translate) And and that moment I felt like a fool. Here I was trying to make love to girl while she just wanted cuddle and thats all. And I felt like tonight will be the night when I put my fears and precautions aside and make that jump become a man. If I knew that everything will be so simple would not hesitate to spend night at her place.

Another good thing was that we talked a lot. It was deep. She told a lot about herself and it made me feel like her life wasnt easy what attracted me to her since I feel like I deserve her more because of that. Anyway also I understood that theres more besides a pretty face and cute looks behind her facade. Theres a girl who been tru fire and water and experienced everything on her own skin. Girl with a lot of experience.

So while writting this I messaged few my FB friends about valentines days and flowers. One said that girls wants flowers all the time and other said that they dont celebrate V day. Hes married and are one of the nicest guys I know besides pretty smart. About flowers he said that wanting and deserve it is two different things. I agree with him.

[TheEvilJester]

Well... as far as the Valentine's Day question goes, I'll say this.... Giving somebody a gift on Valentine's Day, or heck, even giving a girl flowers AT ALL on any day is not about "deserving" anything. It shouldn't be like she has to earn the flowers. It should be because you like her and WANT to do something to make her feel special. So, to be perfectly honest, I'm with your mom on that one. It isn't like you should have gone CRAZY. You shouldn't have had to shower her with gifts. You've only been on a couple dates. But, you two agreed to a date on VALENTINE'S DAY. I would agree with your mother that you should have at least done something. I will also point out that I don't think your married friend's situation is exactly applicable. He is married, so if he and his wife have legitimately decided not to bother to celebrate V Day, that is fine for them. But, it isn't like you are even close enough to this gal yet to have had that discussion, so I would personally have suggested erring on the side of caution and just doing at least a little something like flowers.

But, again, that is advice that comes too little too late. You ARE right about one thing.... which is that it shouldn't have just been an expectation that you HAVE to get her something. Did she get you anything? So, it shouldn't be a make or break kind of thing, but I do think you should have gone with your mom's advice. Again... maybe that is just me, though.

Even with your further details of this most recent date, I think it is still kind of hard for us to speculate since we weren't there. Because, again, part of me is feeling like maybe she's just not that into you, since it seems like when you've tried to move things into the romantic nature (even when that doesn't necessarily mean sex) she pulls back. But... again, maybe she legitimately just isn't ready yet.

Yet, on the other hand, part of me can't help but wonder if maybe you are pushing things too much without realizing that is what you are doing. I don't know that, I can't know that without having been there. But, the way you talk about expecting that your Valentine's Day date would be the special day to take things to the next level... I can't help but wonder if you are expecting too much rather than going with the flow. Again, it isn't like you owe each other sex after X number of dates or because it is a special day. I don't profess to be an expert in the matter (you know that I'm not), but generally don't those things happen naturally to some degree? As in, you at least get a sense that things are heading that way? Which isn't to say it just magically happens. I'm just saying, it's not like one day you are hanging out essentially no differently then two friends would.... and suddenly you hop in the sack. I am saying there is normally some sense of things heading that way. I could certainly be very wrong... but it sounds like you may be trying to push things in that direction rather than going with the flow.

The other big question I have based on what you shared is how do you know the day wasn't special for her? Many times you said you felt that it was very special and romantic for you, getting to hold her during the concert and all that.... but you say you were left with the feeling that it wasn't special for you. Can you (if you are willing to do so) elaborate on what made you so sure it wasn't special for her? Because I also can't help but wonder if maybe you are being too hard on yourself. You don't read minds. How do you know it wasn't special for her?

Anyway, I say all of this just because I want to help. Like I said, I do not profess to be an expert, nor can I really know what she's thinking or what you are thinking. Maybe things are going very well and it is just a matter of time before you two take things to the next level. I hope so. I just offer my thoughts and advice as food for thought, so to speak. As best you can, try to go with the flow, so to speak. Within reason, of course. I always add that caveat. If "go with the flow" winds up meaning you are dating her for months and months and STILL have no clue whether or not you two are headed anywhere, then that may be the time to talk about it. I'm just saying, right now don't worry so much about where things are going or if/when it will lead to the next level. Just enjoy it and let the relationship go where it is going to go. You do have to be a participant in leading it the way you want, of course, but don't stress so much over things like the when and things like that. In the right relationship, ideally those things will usually become pretty clear naturally to some degree.

Good luck!

[pcmaster]

Thanks for your insight Jester. You are right in many ways. I really can't know how special or not special things was to her.
I don't think it's possible to date for months without knowing if things are heading some way. Cause I know what I want and I know what I don't want.

Also so far it's been pretty good intensity. To think we met only week ago but already been to 3 dates and so many places. Also there's been all kindz communication in between time. Few records been broken with this girl. There's something about her. What exactly I will tell her in person when I met her.
But yesterday we talked on video chat. She looked real nice. I took a screenshot but didn't capture best of it. Still it was so nice that she called that night despite that we parted only in moorning. She's sometimes real sweet.

I'm not taking anything for granted and seeing each date as a blessing. Cause time spend together is great and that all can change in a twist. Like in that song - we will fly today but can crash tomorrow.

[lovebroken]

Girls do not always want flowers or candy. I can dispute that. Girls like guys to be thoughtful and romantic but that doesn't always have to come in material ways.

Least you are getting out there and making and having dates. Good for you.

[TheEvilJester]

I'm not taking anything for granted and seeing each date as a blessing. Cause time spend together is great and that all can change in a twist. Like in that song - we will fly today but can crash tomorrow.

That's true for sure. And it certainly makes life annoyingly complicated. Because you kind of always have to teeter that edge just perfectly. You can't get too relaxed in anything and think that everything will just always be okay, because sometimes things don't work out even when it REALLY seemed like they would. ....Yet you also can't just decide it is better not to live your life because at least that way you won't get hurt. Hard not to feel like Sisyphus in that way. We're all pushing that damn boulder just hoping this is finally the time it goes over the hill rather than just rolling back and smacking us in the face and we have to start all over. But, if you give up on the hope that you'll ever get over that hill, then where is there any hope for joy? The chase is worth it.

Good luck to you. Hope things continue to go well with this lady.

[pcmaster]

Thanks Jester. Luck was very useful. In fact I'm not a virgin anymore. It would be a very long story if I included details. But in short - in many ways this first time was exactly as I wanted it to be. Sure not perfect but damn worth it. Now I understand even more that being a virgin was not bad at all. PMO was bad but saving energy and being pure was good. Still it's a good feeling to have this first time experience too. I have much to learn but slowly getting there. I just think how lucky I am. With girls about who I used to think I dont have chance at all I had the most success. With this girl I see that after meeting her my life have changed to more positive one. This is one of those life changing girls when you understand that life will never be the same again. The world I used to see before now shows in diferent colours. It was like black and white before. Now its colourful. No matter what happens in future I will keep positive changes and continue things I started while inspired by this girl. She saw potencial in me that I believed I have too but never had support and guidance to realize. As Mystery said - women shapes him. Now I feel the same way. Feeling like getting shaped into a better man. And to think its been only 10 days since we first met. A lot have changed since then. My soul have healed a lot. Not just fear went away but also new focus on life showed up. I told a girl that since meeting her I have a new love for life and confidence. Things that I missed for many years.

When we sat in kitchen girl asked me- where you been lost for few years? When I think about it I really was lost for quite a few years. Having only wrong people in my life, feeling lonely and not believing in future, that way only living day by day, forgetting all the dreams and not even daring to look at girls or think they could like me. Took few years to heal from that but here I am 29 years old with new ambitions, dreams and goals just like I was at 20 before leaving to UK for 3 long mostly miserable years.
Now I see that future is here in Latvia and best is yet to come.

"Person with big dreams are more powerful than person with all the facts".

[TheEvilJester]

Congratulations! That is really great! I am glad you were able to feel that you waited for the right time rather than losing your virginity just for the sake of losing your virginity. That's such a dying/rare ideal these days. These days, more than ever, it seems like being a virgin is some stigma, like you should lose it as soon as possible. I hate that. That's not me at all. Heck, I didn't lose mine until my early 20's, which in this day and age people almost consider ancient for that. But I never had interest in losing it just for the sake of losing it.

Hell... considering who that person was, I honestly sometimes wish I were still a virgin today. But, it also doesn't have to be treated like this super special rare flower either. So, I'm fine with it, really. The person I lost it to may not have turned out to be who I thought they were.... but I didn't know that at the time. So, I didn't compromise my values, and that is all that matters to me.

No matter what happens from now on, you can say the same. You should be proud of yourself for that. So, obviously it sounds like things are great for you now. I hope that continues and grows from there. So happy for you!

For the record, as I am sure you know... nobody is perfect. Not you, not her, not me, not anybody. Not only that, but the first time is often very awkward and not great. Sounds like your first time was pretty good, so that is already a big plus. Probably wasn't perfect, but that too is the sort of thing where you get better with practice.

Good luck to you, bro! Not that you need it anymore, apparently.

[pcmaster]

Thanks man. I will always need luck.
Its funny that you did it so early and now haven't got back to it. It's like you are virgin again(that's how you seem from your posts cause you are so caring like innocent pure virgin) cause it's been like 10 years or more for you. No offense, you know I never try to be rude, I'm just harsh by nature.
My first time felt so natural. When it came to it before, it never felt natural before. This time I was just ready.

Its funny that I read your reply while in bed with her lol. She was on her phone doing her stuff and I was doing my stuff on my phone.

[TheEvilJester]

So early? You kidding? Cripes, aren't people these days generally in their early teens when they lose their virginity? At least in America. I was in, I think, my early 20's. Early or mid. That's how little I cared that I don't even remember. LOL! Most people could tell you the exact date, exact time, what they were wearing, what was on TV that day. LOL! Me, I was freaking ANCIENT by today's standards. And, frankly, I'm proud of that fact.

Not that it matters, by the way, but it hasn't quite been 10 years for me. In fact, still several years left until I hit that mark. Don't get me wrong. I WILL hit that mark. LOL! Just saying... it hasn't been that long yet. Funny you say the thing about it being like I'm a virgin again. LOL! Okay, technically that isn't a thing. That doesn't happen. Once you lose it, you lose it. But I have to admit, I do sort of feel that way... and I don't mean that in a bad way. I like that. I almost actually want to claim I am a virgin.

Though, just to be clear, I don't think that one's status as a virgin or not determines how caring or pure they are. I'd like to think I'm equally as caring now as I was when I was actually a virgin and I'm certain I'd be equally as caring if I had an active bedroom partner. And, I'm certainly pure.... evil. That counts for something, right? LOL!

Often times when you first meet somebody with whom you truly just hit it off, you realize how natural it seems. And it isn't until then that you realize how forced it maybe seemed with others. You didn't realize it at the time because you were just hoping to find love. But, often times the saying is true that "when you know you just know." So, I am glad to hear that things feel natural with this gal. I hope things continue to go just as well.

[pcmaster]

Man you are so funny ! Pure evil - lol ! You are just as evil as this puppy -





You are right, mentality in US is pretty much "get over it". - They dont have traditions or values to stick with. I was always against it, looking for romance and more since Im a romatic guy deep inside.

With previous girls it often felt like being myself was not enough and made things only worse. But this girl liked me for who I am and everything was so easy. We have the same values that we appreciate - being open and understanding. Also we both seen some similar shit in our lifes before we met.

Still theres a lot differences in us and in many ways I dont deserve her but Im ready to change, what Im doing despite that she sees good things in me already.
Girl told me that she accepted me the way I am. I accepted her too. Really big hopes on this relationship cause I want something long and lasting that helps grow in longterm. I know what I been missing and I found it now. -

'Cause I know what I've been missing
And I know that I should try
But there's hope in their submission
And there's freedom in your eyes

'Cause I found what I was missing
When I fell into your arms

And we cry away
(Lyrics from Hurts - Help)

[TheEvilJester]

Hey, for all you know that puppers could have murdered countless people and have a stockpile of their bones saved up for a rainy day.

Anyway, you not being in the US, I'm not sure what the culture is like in your country. But, yeah, in the US it is like being a virgin is something to find embarrassing. And I have always felt that was a shame. Not that there is anything wrong if two consenting people of a reasonable age decide they want to do that.... but I also don't think it should be seen as a shameful thing or a reason to be embarrassed if you are a virgin. Shame the way society has sort of made that a stigma in my country.

It is good that you two have a lot in common... yet it is actually ALSO good that you two hae a few differences as well. You definitely should have enough in common with your significant other that you two have stuff to talk about and stuff you enjoy doing together. At the same time, though, it is also good to have differences so you are also your own individual people. You don't have to basically be a gender swapped carbon copy of each other.

I'm so happy for you that this is going well! Hopefully she turns out to be the one. But, you really don't even have to concern yourself with that right now. For now, just enjoy this for what it is and have fun. It may last and become something really special, or in time it may prove not to be quite the right match, but that's something you can find out in time. For now, it sounds really good and sounds really good for you. So, have fun and enjoy it! Good luck as always.

[Hooo!]

I am very happy for you

Maybe you understand now what I mean by not making sex a big deal and just have some.
Way to go and you will get there.

Be sure to be gentle afterwards (even if you just pounded everything out of her aggressively)
She is the first to go to sleep.

Build connection and keep the seduction up. Don’t be pushy tho.

[pcmaster]

Thanks for support guys. And thanks for feeling happy for me.

Now just trying to make this relationship to survive till next month cause made some mistakes. I really feel like this girl think like girl and feel like girl so handling her like a girl works. But so far I let my intuition and feelings decide, despite that real knowledge and experience would work but I dont have much of these later things. Last time we met I stayed overnight and wanted to leave during the day despite that she wanted me to stay another day - all weekend. There was minor reasons for me leaving but generaly I felt like it would be boring to stay and just too much time together(we spend like 19 hours together already at that point). So I left but like always before laving kissed her a lot but she didnt return my kisses and seemed pissed off. To way home in a bus I felt very sad that everything ended like that. If I knew how bad I would feel soon after I wouldn't leave her. But I realized my mistake only after I did it. "You know you been high when you feeling low".

So yeah that was one mistake. I chatted with a experienced buddy on FB and he said - "Oh man then stay lol, why you need argument about that.. Need to feed her feelings.. Make it !"

Anyway we meeting tonite again. Going to church for few hours and then parting cause she have to leave very early mooring for work. So yeah more like spiritual date in front of God without sins.
Hope it goes well.