Longing to be loved 2

[pcmaster]

I think too the same - that there might be no recovery from this friendzone. But I will completly give up only in 1. September. Giving it time and still trying to progress. Have few more ideas on how to escalate without touch.

[pcmaster]

So today I messaged this girl from work - the one I mentioned before who seems to be easy to get but Im not interested in her. We both was in same factory but the territory is large so you can work for weeks and dont see eachother. So I wanted her to visit me at mans lockers room cause I made nice furniture there and now theres a nice rest corner. Anyway she wasnt up to it and I went outside and sat on a bench. Texted her to come over but she was at her spot hanging out with other people. So I made a loop and easly found her behind few buildings. Talked a bit but nothing important since my mind went blank and couldnt think about what to talk so couldnt drive conversation. Anyway after work I noticed she goes home with legs. So I catched her and joined since my bike is broken and I been walking too lately. Now she lives now in exlusive place outside of town, its like 90 minutes walk from work and this moorning shes been going to work by walking. That surprised me cause I live 30 minutes walk away and ride a bus at moorning.

Anyway more to the point. We talked and she asked me questions and I noticed that shes not trying to be nice but are actually intersted since she dig deeper - asked questions about my answers too. She talked how her father died in car accident 12 years ago and at some point I noticed that her heart was softened towards me. Never seen this softer side of her during 2 years since she started workin factory, she always been this strong and confident girl(we started talking very rarely about a year ago). So yeah I liked it since conversation was deeper and more personal now. When my home was near we parted since it was hot day and our ways seperated. She lifted her hand and waved goodbye with a smile like girls sometimes do. This reminded me first time when we walked home together more than a year ago when we lived close by eachother. That a little unconfident friendly smile and waving hand. Just this time she was less nervous. BTW I prayed for her sunday in church since she was in hospital in Germany. She thanked me for that several times.

Whats going on with girl who friendzoned me? I messaged her yesterday - couldnt resist cause I wanted to go radio silence for 10 days. But yeah I left a ball at her court saying - if she figures out what to do for a date then give me a message and that everything that I suggested and talked about is in force. Today I went to church and she wasnt there despite that this was one of many things I offered - to go together. She havent message me and and I havent messaged her today too. I was playing radio silence game at begining(she always messaged me first) but at the end messaged her last few days first and now she could message me if she wanted but guess she dont want to. Also yesterday she asked how was my sup board ride and I said it was good and wanted to call hour later but she said she will be sleeping in half an hour. Caught her online hour later and she said she was busy with work - planning wedding. Wedding is in 10 days so thats when I play to mesage her asking how the wedding went.

Was really angry today at work about the whole situation. Especial because week ago guy from police went to her work and bring her flowers saying "Have a nice work day" - the same day I wanted to visit her at work and bring her flowers[before knew about other guy](told her I would rather visit her but didnt mentioned flowers, wanted it to be surprise) But she said she was busy so that day we met in car park instead for 5 or 10 minutes. Now I think this guy could have continued to dig since I doubt he didnt wanted anything from her after that. Didnt asked but think if this guy continued to pursue her then partly it might be why she friendzoned me.

But I found forginess and peace at church today and words priest said guided me out of my anger.

[TheEvilJester]

I'm not really close enough to the situation to judge for sure, but it does sort of sound more and more like the girl you've been talking about recently is seeing you only as a friend. Again, not like I can know that for sure, though. I guess just feel it out a bit for yourself and decide what you think is best based on that.

With the other girl you mentioned this time, so do you think you could be interested in her? I ask because you seemed to say that she didn't really interest you before. Do you feel like you've changed your mind now? If not, if you really still don't feel like you'd be interested in her in that way then why even bother continuing that? On the other hand, if you think you would be interested in going out with her, maybe it is worth it to ask her out. Or, at least, to start hanging out with her more to get an idea of whether or not you think she could maybe be interested. Just don't "hang out" with her too much, since that can wind up just being a waste of time if you are looking for more than a friendship.

I absolutely understand your anger at the situation. I know from experience that it can be frustrating. It sucks that it seems like this kind of stuff comes so naturally to some people and yet can be so difficult for others. I swear, often times in my life it feels like everybody just comes pre-packaged with a boyfriend/girlfriend, it is literally that easy for them. Yet, here I am with an empty spot in my packaging that was SUPPOSED to have my girlfriend, but instead it's just emptiness. I know that frustration.

But, unfortunately, sometimes that is the journey. Eventually you'll find the right one. It just often takes a lot of finding the wrong ones first. You can do it!

[pcmaster]

Thanks for input Jester. Yeah many people have their other halfs. Its like they been born with girlfriend. I dont unterstand these year, tree and so relationships - how can they be so easy in so long relationships when I never been with girl longer than 2 months. And you know me, I dont drink, smoke, dont have major life wrecking addictions. Even guys with porn addiction have girlfriends for 5 years or even get married without their wifes knowing it while they still heavly addicted.

Anyway I should update on girls here - girl from work could be a good friend what is good since I dont have friends at work. I dont find her sexually interesting.

Girl who I dated messaged me this moorning too and I asked when we will meet she said on weekend. Despite that we both have free nights this week after working moornings, she is busy with other stuff and people.
It seems like her interest and priority to meet have droped way lower than it was at begining. But maybe she is telling the truth and are busy. Policeman happens to be work colleague and gave those flowers like a nice gesture without wanting anything back.

Anyway I chatted with this faithful girl last night. We been together on a 3 day bike trip this summer with a group of people. We chatted for like 2 days about non important stuff when I said she interested me in that trip. But she said she belongs to Jesus. And shes been faithful for 5 years straight. She was nice, always used ton of smileys in texts and seemed to be even nicer after I confesed interest. Suggested me to read bible and kick those sinful thoughts away. I think shes right but it also is shocking and really hard to gasp that now with religious girl things are like that. Now I think that girl Im dating are not so Jesus focused as she dont visit church often. But generaly its so hard to gasp this sex after marriage concept. Its so much different with girls I used to date - girls who gave their bodies away after second, third date. I want to pursue religious path but right now I see it would be a big sacrifice in dating world. Not really ready to make this sacrifice yet. I remain faithful with sinful thoughts for now.

[TheEvilJester]

Heck, even terrible guys who use their girlfriends, cheat on their girlfriends, treat their girlfriends like crap, etc. still always seem to have somebody. Somehow they always manage to get women. Yet, there will be guys like us, PC, who would treat their women like queens and be nothing but good to them, and we are often left alone.

So, what do you do? Become an a-hole too? Absolutely not! I refuse to let the world we live in turn me into a piece of $h*t... pardon my censored language. LOL! You are a good guy, PC, so you do you. Do you want to save sex for marriage, or are you okay with it while dating if you both feel ready? Because if you want to wait for marriage, and you feel strongly enough about that, then why compromise that? Sure, in the world we live in these days that may make it harder for you to find somebody, but then at least you'll have a better chance they'll be the right somebody when you do.

If you don't really feel all that strongly about waiting for marriage, then maybe just go by whatever each individual woman you happen to date wants. On the other hand, if you don't want to wait for marriage and would rather have sex enter the relationship before, then it is kind of the same story. Again, it depends on how strongly you feel about it. If you absolutely would not want to wait, then somebody who would want to is probably not right for you. If you don't feel that strongly, then maybe she still could be.

Anyway, people CAN be really busy sometimes, so there could very well be the chance that the one girl you are talking about actually is just busy. It sort of sounds like she is trying to make time for you anyway even if she is busy. You said she was too busy to hang out during the work week, but made plans with you for the weekend. So, that is something at least.

It COULD mean she's not that into you.... or it could mean she's actually just very busy. Time will tell either way, so I guess just proceed however feels right to you and just don't waste too much time waiting on her if it never goes anywhere. As I've said many times before (not just to you, I mean to others as well) it never hurts to examine yourself and your own approach a little. If you aren't having much success, maybe there are things you could do better. So, I would never say it is a bad idea to do some self-improvement....

But, all the same, you are a good guy. If you haven't found any women that will give you interest for any more than 2 months, then you just haven't found the right women yet. I hope you do find the right one very soon.

[Hooo!]

Because women see confidence decisiveness and self reliance as attractive traits

Egoistic assholes often seem to have those characteristics. They also make women prove themselves to the men in question

They have attitudes that woman crave
They treat them like crap and **** them like they want to
The first is bad - the latter not so much.

Careful indecisive boys who don't get themselves what they want, who act emotional and whiny are just not that attractive

That doesn't mean you have to treat women like shit.

[pcmaster]

Well, Jester, I would adjust to girl Im dating - if she want to wait then okay - saving sexual energy is good too. If she wants to have sex then okay too since practice could be useful. Anyway theres no point to save sex till marriage since Im not a virgin anymore, lost my cherry already lol. But I would like to try wait a year or more till sex while dating same girl, just you know me I have a hard time getting past third date lol. Still theres battle going in me between what God wants me to do and what my old self used to do.

With this girl Im pretty sure shes not that into me since we didnt meet this weekend too since she had guests and she spend all the time with her girlfriends. Then when guests was gone she was tired. Thats not excuse in my book. Since I get tired too but still go and meet girls no matter what. This tired bs is ussualy what my sister gives to me when I want to talk. Anyway will see how this next weekend goes and then time will tell. I fcked up pretty bad with this girl since begining since was indecisisve and played games - tried PRW stradegy that didnt work.
However summer is not over yet. Going to travel next week for few days. Maybe when I return, will have new energy and new look at life. Afteer seeing how people live in Belarus.
Till then life is good because God is great.

- - - Updated - - -
[MENTION=85121]Hooo![/MENTION] You are kinda right. We give a shit about girls and thats our problem. Girls just want to be treated like a normal human beings not Gods. Theres a lot to discuss but generally you made a good point.

[TheEvilJester]

Because women see confidence decisiveness and self reliance as attractive traits

Egoistic assholes often seem to have those characteristics. They also make women prove themselves to the men in question

They have attitudes that woman crave
They treat them like crap and **** them like they want to
The first is bad - the latter not so much.

Careful indecisive boys who don't get themselves what they want, who act emotional and whiny are just not that attractive

That doesn't mean you have to treat women like shit.

I can't speak for PC, but I don't make it a habit of acting emotional and whiny around anybody, and certainly not around women. There is a big difference between being in touch with your emotions to a healthy degree and being emotional and whiny. I will admit, in forums like this I am known to sometimes vent. That is because it is helpful and healthy to vent rather than bottle things up, and what better way to do it than in an internet message board where I am faceless and anonymous.

But I would never vent like that to a woman I'm trying to date. As far as she'd ever know, I'm Mr. Positivity. I definitely think you are right about the a-holes, though. They have confidence (because they literally just don't give a $h*t about anybody but themselves) so that initially gets them into the game, so to speak. Plus, I have always felt that most a-holes get really good at pretending not to be a-holes for a while. The charade never lasts, but they are good at it for a little while. So, before they know it the women get in too deep and are almost hooked on the guy.

[MENTION=85121]Hooo![/MENTION] You are kinda right. We give a shit about girls and thats our problem. Girls just want to be treated like a normal human beings not Gods. Theres a lot to discuss but generally you made a good point.

Okay, I can see maybe I'm not making myself clear and that is my fault. So, my apologies for that. I have never advocated treating women like "Gods." Especially not a woman you are just starting to date. In fact, when I referred to treating women like "queens" I meant in the capacity of them being a girlfriend. I'm not talking about going up to some woman you barely know and treating her like a queen in hopes that she'll fall for you. When you ask a woman out, when you are early into dating them, etc. you SHOULD treat them just like a human being. Almost like it is one of your guy friends.... except if you were also sexually attracted to him. LOL! Okay, weird analogy but I hope you get my point. The "treating them like queens" part is for when things get serious. And, let me also be clear. The idea isn't you treat them like a queen and you are the mere peasant. No, you should be equal. It's just, you can be equal and still treat a woman like she is special.

Well, Jester, I would adjust to girl Im dating - if she want to wait then okay - saving sexual energy is good too. If she wants to have sex then okay too since practice could be useful. Anyway theres no point to save sex till marriage since Im not a virgin anymore, lost my cherry already lol. But I would like to try wait a year or more till sex while dating same girl, just you know me I have a hard time getting past third date lol. Still theres battle going in me between what God wants me to do and what my old self used to do.

With this girl Im pretty sure shes not that into me since we didnt meet this weekend too since she had guests and she spend all the time with her girlfriends. Then when guests was gone she was tired. Thats not excuse in my book. Since I get tired too but still go and meet girls no matter what. This tired bs is ussualy what my sister gives to me when I want to talk. Anyway will see how this next weekend goes and then time will tell. I fcked up pretty bad with this girl since begining since was indecisisve and played games - tried PRW stradegy that didnt work.
However summer is not over yet. Going to travel next week for few days. Maybe when I return, will have new energy and new look at life. Afteer seeing how people live in Belarus.
Till then life is good because God is great.

Well, sounds like you have a pretty good grasp on things for yourself. Both in general and specifically with the situation with the current gal. With her, it sounds like it may be time soon to just cut your losses and move on, but that is truly up to you. As long as you don't close yourself off to other possibilities with other women, there's no harm in giving it some time in hopes that she has just been very busy. But, I sort of agree with you. You are busy too. You get tired too. Yet you still make time when somebody matters to you.

Continued good luck to you. I hope very soon you will be able to share your success story with us when the right gal comes along. Then maybe you can tell all of us how it is done. LOL!

[pcmaster]

Well Im not that busy compared to her since I dont do two jobs and don't have friends to hang out. But I spend most of my energy at work and lack drive to be productive in my free time.

Today we chatted and I pulled out a troll sentence about wedding saying that I dont understand why people stress about wedding so much, especially girls. Now I knew it will make her talk a lot. And her replys became realy long so that I gave up in answering back so instead called her. We talked 10 minutes. And she could really talk a lot about subject. She said that she want a big wedding. I got a feeling like it's really important to her and felt guilt since I never felt that way and not looking for anything so serious.

I checked our call history and happens that we talked on the phone first time 11 days ago. Damn, time goes fast, it didnt felt so long ago. Maybe should call her every night since it feels like its possible to progress just by talking too.

[TheEvilJester]

Woah! Why would you talk about weddings so early? LOL! Isn't that one of those buzz words you're supposed to wait to bring up until much later? It isn't even clear at this point whether or not you are dating.

LOL! I am half teasing you, though. It isn't like you talked about it in the context of wanting to marry her. You just mentioned it as a casual conversation. But... hey... if it actually did so happen that you two became an item, at least you know that about her now.

That said, I myself am sort of on the middle of the fence with that one. I do think your wedding should be special. I mean, maybe some people just want to rush out and do the quick, no frills, get married in a court kind of thing. If that works for them, then great... but I've just always thought that is kind of a shame. It should be special. That isn't to say it has to be the HUGE, grand, ridonckulously expensive event. I definitely think it is completely ridiculous how expensive they can get these days. But, I've just always thought you should at least enjoy it to some degree. I mean, so long as you can of course. Some people can't afford it and nor does either person have parents who can afford to help, so some don't have that choice.

[pcmaster]

Well at least we are not talking about kids lol.

It looks like we will have a date ! Yesterday something happened. I made some bad comments that she took as bad, offensive joke but I didnt try to, just was not in best mood. Anyway Things was pretty bad yesterday until I felt she is slipping away from me and then something happened in me, I like woke up and 100 thoughts rushed in my mind on what I want to say to her. Couldnt call her since was working but I continued to work and relaxed, then hid in the corner to text her. I wrote some long messages on how I see her and what I think and feel about her. Some of the things that I wrote here about her too.

Then she wrote that we will go next week to river to sit on a blanket and talk. And she said thanks for saying what I think cause she have told what she feels and how she felt but I havent said it till now.

When I think about it then she said how she feels since first date and how she sees me. I remembered one guy from work. Sometimes I did hear his phone calls and it surprised me how open he was when talking with girls, saying so personal things that I couldnt imagine say to girls. He was pretty good with girls since he could get them to sleep with him on first date. Now I realised how powerful it is to talk with girls about your feelings. So far I did it unintentionaly but maybe I should be open like that on a regular basis.

[Hooo!]

A potential problem is sense with you jester is the amount of communication units you have to spare

There is a theory that a person generally has some sort of need to spend a certain amounts of words (communication units) per day

Generally women have more communication units, that's why they talk and talk especially at the end of the day, whereas the male has already exhausted his amount of communication units and thus just goes "no,yes,mhm"

You however talk
You do not seem to have the ability to make a decisive SHORT answer.

[pcmaster]

Well Hooo! You don't know how much Jester talks in real life. Maybe he is not talking with girls at all but just wears his Deadpool mask and acts like a superhero.

I'm not a big talker too but since I started to write here on LF I had to stop being laconic and I started to write more, have longer replys since this is art forum and writting matters.
Also some people are chat dependant. Not saying Jester is, Im pretty sure he is not but some guys can chat a lot with girls and then when its time to meet they can say nothing in person. So writting and talking don't always match.

[Hooo!]

I'm just guessing

[TheEvilJester]

I'm just guessing

And you'd be guessing wrong. I'm not much of a talker in real life. Don't get me wrong. I CAN talk, and with the right person can have a long and involved conversation about deep topics or even about nothing. But I'm not super chatty in real life. Nothing like what I am online.

Chalk it up to a difference of opinion. I AM capable of making a very short response... I simply find it uninteresting. It doesn't give much on which people can expand, and then what kind of conversation is that? My lengthy responses are a choice/preference.

...Well, for the most part. I will be the first to admit I sometimes get a little carried away. Some of my responses are TOO long. Some people leave responses so short they don't seem to add much, if anything to the conversation, but I choose to let it be rather than feel the need to say something. And, for the record, I'm not pointing fingers at you, specifically, Hooo. I'm speaking in general. I do think your shorter responses often ARE helpful to make the person take a step back and think for themselves rather than expecting a stranger to spell it all out for them.