Longing to be loved 2

[pcmaster]

Thanks for advice Jester. Your post totally makes sense. About not reaching out and moving on and finding someone new. But... I know this seems stupid and crazy and irrational but I just want to finish this bracelet and give it to her. Cause despite that everything seemed bad, there was short moments of happiness. She did affect me in a positive way in a long run. She did for me more than any other girl.
I watched this video about dating 3 months vs 3 years and she in a way acted like we are together for years - had this feeling even before when we were still seeing each other. Perhaps too comfortable and disrespectful but then again she really felt like she knows me.

It's not like I'm holding any hope or illusion that not everything is lost with her. I know that everything is lost, that things are ended. The only hope is that there is perhaps final words, something I can say or something she can say that could mean anything in a long run. Perhaps a single piece of advice or a little encouragement or words of wisdom.

And actually, I did hurt only for few hours. Feeling pretty ok on a daily basis. Problem is that I'm listening to a lot of music and music nowadays are mostly about love and pain so that's why its harder to move on. Also of course loneliness.

[Hooo!]

Then do it
Write her a letter thanking her for what she is done
say what you need to say goodbye.

Or don’t

[pcmaster]

That's damn good idea, Hooo! Wasnt exactly thinking about writing the letter to say thanks. But saying thanks could be damn good thing actually.

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly, I wouldn't personally recommend that. ...But, if it would make you feel better, if you think it would help you move on, then go ahead and do it. Though, food for thought.... if this could help, maybe write the very same letter as though you are going to send it to her... then just destroy it. Throw it out in the trash, or rip it up, or shred it in a paper shredder, or burn it (in a safe and controlled way so you don't risk causing a fire). Something like that. Almost like a cathartic exercise.

All that said... I don't actually think it does sound stupid, crazy, or irrational. Believe it or not, I can 100% understand how you feel. I can understand the feeling of wanting to say your peace even if you know you probably should just leave it alone. So, I can understand you wanting to finish and send her the bracelet anyway, or wanting to have a few last words with her. Again, I would personally recommend it is much better just to move on and leave the past in the past.

...But, I'd absolutely understand if you just feel it would be better for you and/or help you to finally move on if you have this last moment of saying your peace. Honestly, the most likely result is that nothing much will happen from it anyway. There would probably be no harm done. So, if it makes you feel better, then go for it.

Good luck to you. Again, you will find the right somebody some day. Unfortunately, this really is just the way that works sometimes. A lot of finding the wrong somebodies (even if you initially thought they were the right somebody) before you finally find the actual right somebody.

[pcmaster]

Its funny, man but I just have to finish. I remember when I was 20 years old I fell in love with an 18-year-old girl with who I used to do sports kayaking together in mid-teens. Anyway, we had only one date but she didn't like me afterwards. I send her this long letter about how much my life sucked and how I find her and how much my life changed to positive after finding her again. Said that she asked me so much questions to what I didn't had good answers, just a truth. Also mentioned feelings that I developed. So after that letter, she blocked me on social media and seemed super edgy when I wrote to her on skype few weeks later. Still, because I met her it changed all my life. I wanted to become a better man and left home, left the country to go live and work in the UK.
It was more than 9 years ago but whats really funny that (last year she unblocked me and after I asked why she said it was stupid to block me in the first place. ) I saw her on a street like 3 months ago. Saw her across the street(waiting for a green light) with another guy and I smiled.It seemed like she don't see me. After a while noticed she smiled at me too the same way I smiled. I was going to travel to capital city to meet The girl and go to live concert. It was so funny that I had the same jumper on that day, that I was wearing 9 years ago on one and only date with that girl(stylish good quality jumper that I wear once every few years).

What I wanted to say with this is that even if The Girl's reaction is bad or she block me or whatever after the letter, in the end it could be okay, in the end it might not matter. In a way I have nothing to lose. But I do hope that this could be a beautiful ending to this story. Cause I do miss nice ending to move on. Something nice I could say or do for her. It's all in me just have to let it out. And hopefully leave some positive impact in the long run.

This is song that girl send me 9 years ago. Felt like it is about me. And now again feel like it describes me.

[TheEvilJester]

That is, though, one example of why I personally recommend not to do things like that. I don't know the exact contents of the letter you sent that girl from your past, but apparently whatever you said made her uncomfortable. You two had broken up. It was over. And you send her this lengthy letter about how she changed your life for the better and all that? Don't you see how that could make her uncomfortable?

So, I will say this.... if you do feel like you need to finish the bracelet for your ex and send it to her with a letter... at least make it short and simple. I absolutely cannot recommend you send a lengthy, gushy letter going on and on about how you appreciated your time together, she helped you grow as a person, etc., etc. Just something short, sweet, and simple making it clear (without actually saying it) that you aren't trying to win her back, you just wanted to wish her the best. In other words, don't over do it.

Again, I'd personally just recommend a clean break and thereby don't even send the letter or bracelet. But, if it makes you feel better you have to do what is right for you. But, again, at the very least just don't overdo it. Good luck, friend.

[pcmaster]

I have a vision how to make it less weird and more positive experience. You sure have good suggestions.

[pcmaster]

So update.

Met with The Girl yesterday. It was a surprise that she answered so easy. Wasnt sure she will reply at all. But arranged that yesterdays meeting. Yes meeting, Jester. Sending bracelet would be the last and worst resort. wanted to give it in person. Letter felt good idea too at beginning. But later felt like it would too much, so wrote only 2 very short lines on a small greeting card.

In some ways seemed like we never parted. But it was a little better than before that weekend after which we stopped talking.

Anyway I was thinking what to say to her. And had a big plans in my mind. Really wanted to leave good impact. But like I predicted forgot what I wanted to say when we met and words didnt go so easy and fluent like in my mind when I was alone.

Still girl said Im a sweet guy and that cool. Cause every girl before have told me Im a nice guy. And now The Girl did too.
We talked like 10 minutes all together and she asked me questions about how my things going that I started when we was together. So we updated each other cause she told me about her things. Didnt planned to talk more than few minutes at first when started to plan this meeting. But then had idea to ask her how much time she have and then go from there. In reality after those 10 minutes I said - ""I will go, what theres much to talk about."
It looked like it knocked down her mood and she said bye. I shaked her hand and wished her good luck. Think she will need luck cause leaving very soon to another country for 2 years is not a joke.

All point of meeting was that I wanted to show her that I have only good memories about her and that Im thankful for everything and wish and want her the best in future. Also wanted to end it more nicely than before. I hope and think that I left a little more positive impact. Ending relationships is natural but all I cared about before it ended was to end it beautiful. Nicely and such.


Listening to this cool song. Felt cool at first. Then it dragged me deeper in nostalgy and felt like crying but didn't. Songs are like cocaine. Makes me feel, makes it harder to move on but cant stop so easy to listen again and again.

[TheEvilJester]

Personally, under the circumstances I disagree that meeting her face to face was a better option than just sending her a letter. Again, you know my feelings on things like that. Often, much better just to make a clean break and let yourself move on. But actually meeting up with an ex face to face could be about the worst thing you could do for yourself.

COULD BE, though, is the important qualifier there. It sounds like it worked out for you exactly how you had hoped. So, in your case maybe I was wrong. Sounds like it helped you to get a little closure and feel a little better about the whole situation.

Stuff like this is why I will often qualify my advice to say that it is strictly MY opinion and will admit that what I may think isn't necessarily always what works for somebody else. Glad to hear it went well for you, and I hope that now you are able to move on, grow, and find your special somebody some day very soon.

[pcmaster]

"I can't believe I'm here again. This is not the way it's supposed to be. This time it's really over. I have to move on. This is the end. I believe in love and nothing but love.The big kind of love. The over the top kind of love. The overwhelming and out of control kind of love. The "I will do anything for you" kind of love. So why should I settle? I'll keep searching for you."

"No one said finding true love would be easy. So you'll understand. Alone and with broken wings. Will it happen to me? I hope it does. So my heart can finally heal. What about you? Hope you find someone too."

[pcmaster]

Now reading book "No more MR. nice guy". Damn I needed to read it so much sooner. Really see myself in this book and this is book for those who suck with girls. Its about pleasing girls and getting nothing in return.

https://archive.org/stream/RobertGloverNoMoreMrNiceGuy/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy_djvu.txt

[TheEvilJester]

I used to be such a sweet, sweet thing
'Til they got a hold of me.
I opened doors for little old ladies,
I helped the blind to see.
I got no friends 'cause they read the papers.
They can't be seen with me and I'm gettin' real shot down
And I'm feeling mean.
No more Mister Nice Guy,
No more Mister Clean,
No more Mister Nice Guy,
They say he's sick, he's obscene.

LOL! I kinda had to when I heard the title of that book you are reading. I have to admit I am intrigued to read that myself. Sounds interesting. Though, I'm not sure I'm interested in connecting with anybody anymore, so maybe it would be a moot point. I don't really know the exact theme/intent of the book, but I assume it is about not being too much of a "nice guy" and thereby never getting what you want from women/relationships. Kind of a moot point for me, but I hope it helps you out. You deserve happiness. I sincerely hope you are able to find that in yourself... and THEN also find the right gal for you anyway. Good luck, my twin brother from another mother.

[pcmaster]

Good idea Jester. Read that book, might be really good for you.

Anyway whats interesting is that despite that plans with girls this summer are still not achieved, I feel good cause been doing other things and just being social, adventurous. Instead of struggling in crappy relationship, I concentrating on myself and feeling happy while working on myself and just enjoying life with like minded people.

So I understand you Jester better now. You got frustated with girls and instead enjoying your own happiness.

[CleanCut]

I used to be such a sweet, sweet thing
'Til they got a hold of me.
I opened doors for little old ladies,
I helped the blind to see.
I got no friends 'cause they read the papers.
They can't be seen with me and I'm gettin' real shot down
And I'm feeling mean.
No more Mister Nice Guy,
No more Mister Clean,
No more Mister Nice Guy,
They say he's sick, he's obscene.

Good old Alice Cooper, my favorite musician!

[TheEvilJester]

Good old Alice Cooper, my favorite musician!

Yeah, gotta love him.

Good idea Jester. Read that book, might be really good for you.

Anyway whats interesting is that despite that plans with girls this summer are still not achieved, I feel good cause been doing other things and just being social, adventurous. Instead of struggling in crappy relationship, I concentrating on myself and feeling happy while working on myself and just enjoying life with like minded people.

So I understand you Jester better now. You got frustated with girls and instead enjoying your own happiness.

I don't know. It's not exactly that I got frustrated with women. It's just more I got frustrated with the pursuit of love when it just seemed a hopeless pursuit for me. After the life I've led, I already have enough trouble struggling not to just hate people and give up on them completely. Searching for love only made that worse. For me, it never seems to go anywhere and it just results in one of two things. Either A) I'm left feeling down on myself and wondering why I'm such a monster that I don't deserve love or B) I'm p*$$ed off, not at any one individual but just at the world in general, and frustrated that it seems to come so easy to the whole frigging world and yet is just impossible for me. I don't think I deserve any of that, so for me it just seems better to find happiness in myself instead of trying to force something that just isn't meant for me (not matter how much I may have always wished it could be for me). Some days have been better than others, but lately I've been generally doing much better now that I've come to that conclusion.

I definitely don't recommend my end result to ANYBODY... but I DO recommend it as PART of the journey. (Don't stop believing. Hold onto the feeling.) Because there is nothing more important than to find love, to find happiness, to find acceptance in yourself first. You are the one and only person who is guaranteed to be in your life for the rest of your life. Hopefully you aren't the only loved one you'll have... but you are the only one you are guaranteed to have from the day you are born until the day you die. So, you need to appreciate that person, love them, care about them. I've said this many times and am sure I will say it again, but the ultimate goal in life should be to have enough love and happiness within yourself to not NEED love.... but to want it and to find it anyway.

I am very happy, PC, to hear you are learning to appreciate yourself and learning to be happy even without a relationship. As much as I was happy for you when you had that recent relationship, I wasn't happy to hear all the things you let her get away with, and I think a lot of that may have been because you didn't appreciate yourself as much as you should. I think you may have been in the kind of mindset where you felt like having somebody to love/to love you was better than having nobody at all. And the thing is sometimes that just isn't true. Sometimes, if the person is no good for us, then we truly are just better off alone. Better off learning instead to appreciate ourselves.

I mean... no regrets. I think you learned and grew a lot from that relationship. So, I think it was actually good you had that experience. But, better now that you've gotten away from that relationship for now and are instead learning to appreciate you. I wish for you to find that inner peace.... but then to also find love anyway. Best of luck, good buddy.