Ignorance is Bliss!

[independent]

Forgive me for posting twice - cant seem to sleep tonight.

I feel like I have on xray glasses now - or maybe that my 'shades' were removed. All day today I have found myself going over conversations in the last 48 hours with various people... and analyzing them.

Asking myself things like "is this friend really a friend" and "I wonder if she/he meant that literally" etc. I'm feeling some kind of crazy vulnerability to my surroundings.

I have always been the type of person to give the benefit of the doubt, and consider myself open minded. All of a sudden - after the shock of that phonecall wore off - I feel STUPID.

I think what's keeping me up tonight is the fact that I am worrying I will never fully trust again.

In this particular relationship, there have been times when I wasnt sure about one thing or another. So I assumed the worst, or figured it for a lie. I didnt necessarily confront it or dig any deeper, just silently resented the fact that I had to wonder.

I am disappointed that I've let myself be manipulated this way...

[independent]

You're going through it and being able to merely comment on how sad it is, is really very admirable. Wish I had such presence of mind when I was in the midst of my various troubles. Instead, I took some rather darker roads to purge myself.

As have I, in the past. Being a single mother though, keeps me straight and keeps my thoughts in decent order. Actually, everything in my life outside of this relationship is just fabulous - I'm very content. And while I am sad, I think its good that I am not lonely (and very very good that I have found this spot to vent frustrations and write out thoughts till they make more sense!).

Anyway, I wont deny that I care. But I also wont deny that I have no power to put any action to that.

[whaywardj]

Maybe this vulnerability you speak of is a case of your getting what you asked for. Everybody wants to be able to see what's really happening around them. Few want to face it, though.

[independent]

Should I confront him on this lie? Or just try to forget I ever knew about it?

We have to see each other sometimes, and as it stands it is very awkward. I play on a local league, and tonight is my night to go play. His team has to play at the same place as mine tonight (though not against each other).

I dont even know what to say to him. I'm still really blown away.

[Asip4u]

independent, you should just forget about him...You don't have to totally ignore him but slowly distance yourself and move on...It really is for the best.

[whaywardj]

Say: "Since you seem to enjoy implicating innocent people in your fantastic lies, I want no further contact with you what-so-ever." Then just walk away and stick to it. Don't listen to him. Don't turn around. Don't acknowkedge him in any way thereafter.

Turn the page. This book is done. You know it's done by the way his circle of negative influence is expanding to include other people besides yourself.

[Mish]

I cannot figure out for the life of me why he would tell such a blatant lie. What could he possibly gain from that?

Maybe he is trying to punish himself for all the wrongs he has done? And maybe this jail is a type of a psychological jail that he entered in order to cleanse his sins??? Hmmm, does that give him too much credit? Probably, sorry. I can be too optimistic at all the wrong times

[independent]

independent, you should just forget about him...You don't have to totally ignore him but slowly distance yourself and move on...It really is for the best.

This seems to be happening on its own, and in that light I would have to agree that this is a good direction to move towards.

We had our league night tonight, and I worried we would all be playing in the same room... but it turned out their team played in another room so I didnt have much contact with him at all. Better that way, as I look at him and have no clue what to say.

After some thought, I decided it's not worth bringing up. What would be the point in having that conversation anyway? There is nothing he could say (or any lie he could tell to fix this one) that would change the way I feel... and the way that I see him now.

I worry that he's really out of his head to act the way that he is, and I do feel sorry for him. But this is way out of my hands, and not my problem to fix. It's his... and hopefully he will find his way (for his sake).

As for me, I feel some sense of relief about the whole situation. Up until now I have been an emotional mess about it all (too close to the situation to be objective). I find myself focusing on ME now, instead of US or HIM - which I think is a positive move. I dont feel the stress or pressure or confusion that has been simmering in my mind for weeks on end.

[Tone]

Confront him: Yes.

How else will he ever know he needs to change/stop the lies if he thinks he can get away with them?

[independent]

Confront him: Yes.

How else will he ever know he needs to change/stop the lies if he thinks he can get away with them?

Hmm - that is true. I'm not sure I am the best person to confront him on this though... at least not alone. It might be best if he happened to walk in somewhere while I was talking with the people he told this lie to (mutual friends of ours). Otherwise he is just going to say they were lying and that he never said that (or some other lie to cover it all up).

It's not really in me to put myself in a situation like that, or to create a situation just to manipulate someone. I had resolved to just drop it and let everything go right along with it. But maybe you are right...