He still haunts me in my dreams

[Jaemichelle]

I'm 27, he's 20. He looks 27, and I look 20. This guy is my friends brother, and someone I thought I had a secret crush on. Which later developed into something I still can figure out. Bare w me, this may sound like something I should not be concerned w at my age. HENCE WHY IM ON HERE I NEED HELP lol
Ok. I understand when you suppress feelings for someone, it may pop up in your dreams. It's been 1.5 years since I first met him and been stuck ever since. Moved on, and into a new place met great guys and whack guys along the way. Open to dating, but it just seems my heart is still longing for this guy. Wtf!! No seriously. I considered myself a veteran at this, i want someone, i go for it. Whether it happens or not, I continue w my life. Not that that's changed, I HAVE moved on. Though his sister and i talked a few weeks ago, I'm not in any contact w him. When he pops up in my head I don't try to completely ignore but I tell myself it's better this way and what the future holds only god knows so stay focused... blah blah blah all that self talk you do to move on, right. Ok. So why am I still dreaming about him vividly, I see his face, have conversations with him I these dreams, and wake up feeling miserable. I guess I regret not having told him how I really feel, but how could I have done that? It was and still is off limits for me, mainly due to him probably feeling uncomfortable about our cultures agreeing to the same idea that a older woman should never be with a guy who's that much younger. I am confident in him liking me back then, I don't think he does anymore. Clearly... we haven't talked in more than 6 months. He once asked me what I thought about "his friend" liking a girl for a long time and asked if it wouldn't be ridiculous for someone to come out years later saying, "I've always had such a thing for you". I don't remember exactly what I said, but I'm sure my dumb ass probably said something like " uhh, yeah.." yes. I'm a nervous wreck when I have real feelings for someone. It is quite embarrassing to admit to all this but lawwwwd. I'm used to dating older guys.m. Within the 7 months we've spent together we developed a chemistry even others could see. I feel like his sister might have contributed to him staying away as well, which I think is quite understandable as I have a younger brother myself. There's many reasons I told myself he's off limits and I guess the heart wants what it wants. And sometime it wants what it can't have. But what now? Seriously guys, do I find a way to connect and eventually tell him overtime, or do I continue missing him and suppressing my real feelings for him. I guess feelings scan be wrong at times, but our chemistry was real so I'm torn. What would y'all do?

[madotnw_nihs]

Can you explain the cultures on the age difference? Do you truly believe that? How about your parents or his parents? I don't think 7 years is that big of deal and I don't see an issue confessing to him if he is single.

[Jaemichelle]

Well, we're both Africans. But even though both our parents are not traditional, age difference is only tolerated when the man is older. As far as I know he's still single but his sister and I used to be close and are just not as tight as we used to be so I'm not sure how I would even go about it. We both updated our numbers and I don't have his new one. I've tried messaging him a month ago but Im not sure if he still uses it. He hadn't read the message. When I spoke to his sister the next week, I didn't ask about him but she talked to me very normally. Said we need to catch up but we haven't made plans since I talked to her about 2 weeks ago. If he said he has no issue with our age I wouldn't even hesitate getting close to him. I don't think our parents would be okay w it. But again, if he was okay w it that wouldn't hold me back. He's so special to me, I wish I could let him know. I don't know how. Should I confess to the sister at all? Should I get in touch with them all and reach out to him at the right time after? The whole family likes me, but I just don't know if his sister/my friend would, I have a feeling she might have said negative things about me to keep him away from me... I mean in a way I understand she wants to protect her brother but on the other hand I know my feelings for him are so special. I do really love him, I wish I could give it a try.. at least tell him how I feel

[madotnw_nihs]

If you were to confess, I would try to confess to him directly and not through his sister. There are just many things that could go wrong through his sister. If I were in your shoes, I would do it. But I would be very cautious and understand that things probably won't work out as I hope.

[Jaemichelle]

I've been torn between letting him go and telling him all song. But I agree, I should tell him directly when I do. I don't expect much but for him to hear me out and hopefully with respect. The end result is not in my hands, but I'd like to let him know how I feel regardless. The problem is not knowing how to get in touch with him, I don't think he's using his Instagram anymore, he doesn't have my number and I know he'd never ask his sisters for it. But if I had his number, I have a feeling he'd hear me out. How do I get in touch with him? I don't know how to connect with him secretly while I also try to still stay in touch with his sister.. or do I just let that friendship go if I try to go after him? I wouldn't want to because the entire family is close to my heart

- - - Updated - - -

*telling him all along

[madotnw_nihs]

I think you need to weigh the importance of reaching out to him and losing his family. I know a lot of people always give the advice of pursing someone if s/he is the true love. I personally take a softer stance on that. I don't believe there is one true love for any person. There are many compatible people out there for you, and you just need to go seek them out.

As far as how to contact him. I am assuming you have his full name. Go sleuth online and see what you can find.

[Jaemichelle]

I absolutely agree with everything you said in the last post! The advice you've given is very self-loving! I appreciate you taking the time to actually respond. Really it's exactly what I needed to hear/read! Wish you all the good in the world back for being so helpful to a complete stranger