8 year relationship ended to, 'find who she is'

[gutted123]

Hi,
I have done a few searches online about this and although there are a few that are similar nothing quite seems to fit to my situation.

I have never been very good at getting things into words so if this seems very vague then i apologise. Anything anyone asks me i will add to the main thread so the next person can see it all easily.

Right; me and my girlfriend have been together for 7.5 years. we went to different schools and she was 15 now23 (i was 16 now 23)
We have lived together for the last 3 years, and last year we brought a house together, we also now have a cat.
we have been happy. Personally I've always been happy and never wanted anymore.

2 weeks ago she told me she wasn't 'happy' not much of an explanation as to why, and the next day she said everything was ok. so we had a really nice week, making more of an effort and watching a lot of films and cuddling up.
After a very drastic and scary Friday night (that i would rather not go in to. but will say she did a lot wrong and i did nothing wrong!)
she forced herself into telling me that she doesn't want us at the moment.
she wants to find herself, we rely on each other far to much, she doesn't know who she is, wants to be on her own. - she will not give me any hope in terms of saying this is just a break, to her this is the end.

i saw her the next day so we could go to our house get some clothes and the cat. she stayed at her parents house and i stayed at my mums house.
i then saw her the next day to get some more clothes, nothing was really said and we where obviously ignoring the elephant in the room.

she had to travel for work this week and stay the night (part of her new job) this isn't normal for her and she was very scared about it all.
we spoke a lot on the phone again being nice and joking around.

she stayed at home this week apart from working away and i stayed at my mums still there now.

I went to get some more items on Friday (in the day time) and didn't realise for a few hours that i had let my mums house key and she was away. i had to go there so i drive to the house and rang her saying i was outside so walked into the house.
we spoke a bit about it.
- she didn't want to hurt me and was sorry.
- she hasn't regretted our relationship ever, it was just what she needs to do.
- she still loved me
- she feels numb
- she was only upset after speaking to my mum as she then realised she had lost my family


i then saw her Saturday and is wasn't nice it just felt awkward, maybe it was just to soon after Friday.


3 things i think have changed in the last 2/3months. -
came off the pill
her family dog was put to sleep
new Job (far more independent)


i think this is the most of it. the main thing is this is so unlike her. and thats why it is such a shock (even to her family)
she always very down to earth and isn't rash with decision.
but she's not willing to get through this together and im just confused and scared.




She defiantly needs to be on her own, something in her head isn't herself right now. so I've tried not to text her today and will continue to do so.
but all advice is welcome and will be greatly received.

Thanks L

[ron4]

can you see a spy?

[Snow White]

I think I understand what is going on here. The two of you have been together since she was 15. That is a very young age to be in a serious relationship. Now she is only 23 and has had no life experience except for you. I think that is scary for her and realistically, I don't blame her. It's nothing personal towards you. I think you need to respect her decision and allow her to start a new life. If the two of you are truly meant to be, then it will happen.

[gutted123]

Thanks Snow White - I do understand that now but don’t really get it at the same time.

I told her on Monday that I was respecting her discussion and was going to leave for alone for a couple of weeks so I can try to get it more. But told her I was always on the other end of the phone if she needed anything, even something petty with the house.

I think it’s a big part of what you said but also think there might be more to it - she even blamed her new job a little when I mentioned it.

Coming from a girl what would be the best thing for me to do? or how long does it take? (I know it’s not that simple)
The hardest part is not seeing how she can ‘throw away’ 8 years, a house and a cat. It’s like my life has been split in half, I’m struggling.

[Snow White]

I am sorry you are hurting. Eight years is a good amount of time, but couples also break up after 40 years of marriage. I think you will continue to look for simple reasons as to why she has done this like the dog died. That seems easier to fix.

The best thing to do is to give her her space. "she forced herself into telling me that she doesn't want us at the moment.
she wants to find herself, we rely on each other far to much, she doesn't know who she is, wants to be on her own. - she will not give me any hope in terms of saying this is just a break, to her this is the end." These are all her thoughts and feelings. On a positive note, she is not leaving you for someone else and still loves you and holds no ill feelings toward you.

Don't contact her. Let her have time to think. Allow her to see what her life is like without you in it. I have no idea how long it will take. You will have to decide how long you are willing to wait. What will you do if she starts dating? This will not be easy for you. Like I said, if you are truly meant to be, you will be together. If not, have gratitude that you were able to experience a beautiful love.