Virgin decision

[Annabananas]

Okay long story short, I am an adult who is a virgin and I have always because of my upbringing intended on waiting until marriage. I've never even kissed anyone! I recently met a boy who is my same age who is a foreign exchange student staying at a friend's house who I babysit for... even though I'm normally shy and very much a good girl, we've started a very flirty fun friendship that is recently turned into more. We started Snapchatting each other and recently started sexting (no pics just dirty role play)... he has been with a lot of girls and obviously can't get into a serious relationship as he will be leaving the country in a couple months. He started talking about how much he wants to have sex with me and started to make plans of a date coming up for where his host will be out of town and we can actually do it. I never would have imagined even considering but I really like him and I honestly want to do it with him. I lied and told him I'd been with one other guy when I was young so he wouldn't know I'm a complete virgin. This is my only real chance with him as he will be gone in a couple months and I'm tired of not living because my upbringing forbid it..i feel free when im with him cuz i can be dirty and no one shames me for it. Yet I'm afraid that if I give him my v-card I will just be another girl on his list that he's using me for a good time. And then years down the road I will regret that I gave him my everything when I promised I wouldn't. Should I do it with him and live in the moment? Or am I making a huge mistake?

[mo57]

I think religion and bad parenting brings the effect of shame. I can't tell you this guy won't forget you, or that for men there isn't an appeal to be somebody's first. My girlfriend is Muslim, I am not, she was a virgin and when we argue I've had thrown in my face 'you first is alway the one that hurts you most', which is just venting when angry but shows perhaps another side of it. Will he love you forever...who knows...do you want to **** him...yes...so what are the pros and cons...can you marry a non virgin..? Can you live with yourself and your glowing radiance and cultural pressure if you do? Can you seperate love and sex yet, and if you can't and hope that it leads to all things good as in a life time together, can you withstand the pain it won't work out...?

A lot of them are questions nobody knows the answer to...

you can live be the phrase 'if it feels good do it' that comes from wichcraft

An it harm none, do as thou wilt
Do what you will, so long as it harms none
An it harm none, do what thou will
That it harm none, do as thou wilt

or even be inspired by a good book as they say.

Even a famous Northern Irish footballer, George Best:-

I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.


Ultimately, you will grow old, be single, married or divorced. The one thing you don't want is regret. So......the question is.

Will you think more if you do it and it doesn't go as you wish, or wish you had done it?

Peace.

[pcmaster]

I think you have to be honest with him about it and say him your concerns. If he likes you he will care for you. But he cant do anything more if you lie. I mean whatever you want, you should be honest about it. He said he wants sex but he didnt said he want to marry you or have relationship. How old are you now? I think its not bad to be a virgin as long as you dont masturbate.

[Annabananas]

Thanks everyone... I am 20 and he is 19.... he says he cares for me deeply but will not allow anything to go very serious as he has to leave the country soon. We might have a casual relationship but nothing that would lead to marriage. I made a vow to myself when I was little to wait until marriage but now I'm afraid that if I don't live in the moment with him I might be missing an opportunity I'll never get again... also if I do feel uncomfortable with it I don't know how to handle it now...weve sexted so much which I've been fine with but that's also been encouraging it so now i feel its too late to say no since weve been planning it.

[pcmaster]

Like I said before, just tell him the truth. You wont get any discounts or extra customer care if you lie.

In 20, many are virgins still. This might be your first chance or closest you ever been to sex but its not last. Its bothering you that you didnt had chances for sex before, thats why you think this is one and only chance. When I was in my 20 I was virgin too and could get girls easy they were interested in me. But I wasnt interested in sex and sex offers I got. Then at 23 got into accident, got lasting health problems, scared face, acne, confidence problems, but still last year I had more chances with girls to have sex than I ever had but this time missed chances didnt bother me cause I actually realized that I could have sex if I wanted to cause I been spending hours in bed with the girls and had many invitations to stay the night at their place. Difference is that now I understand how things works, back then I was thinking that nightclubs is the easiest way to get sex. But now I realized that its the dating that leads to sex. Before age of 27 never had more than one date with same girl and had 2 dates in life in total. And now have dated 4 girls past year and had like 20 dates and it led to sex after 2nd, 3nd date. So it dont bother me much anymore that Im a virgin. Its good to save some purity in this shit and lust world. As they say, you can fully enjoy sex after you are 30 years old cause some hormones are developing only then. I can tell thats its more about mechanical act and sex without deeper feelings when you are young. Now I feel more sensitive and attached, making parallels with love and trust and character before engaging in sex. When I was 20 I didnt care what is girls name or do I like her or not - I felt like I could have sex with her and feel no attachment or sympathy afterwards . Now I actually like the girls I date and interact with more or less but I want them at least like me or love me back before going deeper in bedroom. I feel thats its not about going for orgasm but about deep emotional intimacy and trust, connection deeper than anything.

Guy is being honest with you - he wants sex but cant promise anything cause he is going back to his country. So you have to decide do you just want to have first sexual experience to get over it, get rid of your V card and then never see guy again or do you want see him everday afterwards and have a relationship where you can meet in person often. I dont suggest to consider long distance relationship cause that is complete waste of time.

[bunnyhabit]

since he leaving the country in a couple of months it can only be that he only wants sex with you.

if you are really tired of being a virgin just protect yourself by using birth control pills and condoms. i have a four year old son because i thought just a condom was enough when fifteen and high with a stranger. it was possible to get pregnant with a condom i learned the hard way. btw i never saw my sons father since he impregnated me.

enjoy yourself but be careful.