Advice needed !

[Jameski77]

Hi guys I’m new here and have stumbled across this as a last resort.
My story is fairly long so thank you if you reach the end.
My GF of a year broke up with me a few days ago saying that she’s had enough of the stress and arguing. We have been together for a year (on and off) and she did that she couldn’t see a future. I suffer from anxiety and she says my worrying has finally pushed her away.
We had a very up and down relationship. Extremely loving and affectionate but would argue over things such as trust etc
I would ask her if she was happy and ask for reassurance-something she said she couldn’t cope with anymore. We have been here before a couple of times and always get back together for a few months before it starts again. We have so much in common, our kids (she has 3 I have 1) love seeing each other, we spent most of our time together but she said she has had enough of the stress and bickering and the questions my anxiety caused. I love her very much and she always said the same.
We have spoken briefly (she said she didn’t know what she wanted apart from a week with no stress) but messaged soon after saying she’s made up her mind and that she’s happy to be friends eventually.
We had a very loving close relationship. She is my best friend and I love her kids as my own. I spent most my time with them but she said she had got tired of not being able to relax.
I sent her a message 2 days ago which she read and didnt reply..I’ve heard nothing since. I have fallen into the trap of checking her Facebook and what’s app aswell as snapchat. She is active on all of them so is choosing to have no contact with me although all her profile pictures are still of ‘us’. (As are mine) I’m constantly checking to see if she’s changed them knowing that she will eventually. I just wish she’d done it already as it’s almost giving me false hope.
I’m am struggling. She knows I want us to fix it and get back to being together but it seems she’s made up her mind. Is there anything I can do? Do I need to give up or just wait to see if I hear from her?

Many thanks
James

[Yadi]

Sound James... Mate their is only one thing to do. Get over your jealousy. Anxiety isn't just a thing that some people feel. It is caused by specific things. It can be controlled and it can be overcome.

There are lots of ways to get past it. Buddhists lessons will help. I would concentrate on loving yourself for a while too, if you loved yourself when you were together you would realise that she wanted to be with you if you. You could do yoga. Go to therapy. There are all kinds of ways.

Unfortunately, you have come here too late. You already know that she has had enough. She doesn't want to be with you because you cause stress in her life. You dont even love her like you think you do, you just want her to love you. You cant stand the thought of her not loving you. I know this sounds harsh, but it is true, if you loved her you wouldn't upset her every single day. You would let her live her life and you would trust her.

Fortunately, this girl seems really sweet. She seems to be patient and understanding. And that means that you do still have a chance. First, you need to say sorry and explain that you know that you have done something wrong. Second, you need to let her know that you are actively trying to stop it, that you have spoken to a therapist or have taken up yoga or have joined Buddhist meditation classes. Thirdly, and finally, you need to tell her that you are going to leave her alone and let her live her life. If that is going to make her happy, as a person that loves her, you are going to leave her to be happy. With or without you. That is what you need to do (IMO of course). And then you need to pray to God that she sends you a message.

[rjkennedy]

James, this woman sounds a little confused. She really don't know what she wants. Things appeared shaky from the start. Although, kids are involved from former relationships, she just needs space. A chance to get away to think. But her offer of just friendship is sufficient enough at this point.

Chasing her around on Facebook isn't gonna solve anything (unless it personally make you feel like you're accomplishing something; what? I don't know.) Just move on. If she wanna get in touch with you, she'll find a way.