What is his deal? Please help.

[avery08]

I met A online and we instantly clicked. We are the same age, same level of education, same values - the only problem is we live around 6 hours away from each other. I told him i didn't want to rush into anything, but after about a week of constant messaging (and I mean CONSTANT), he started getting emotional with me. He started implying he was falling in love with me, he kept saying we are great together - which we are - we have the same hobbies and mutual interests in our careers which are thriving. He started talking about all the plans he wanted to make with me and how he would love to come visit. He vas very prompt with responding and when he couldn't, he would apologise (I didn't ask him to do this at all). I was iffy on the visiting side as I am currently in a middle of a super busy business project, but he said he would let me be and simply cuddle and talk during the breaks (as long term couples do). This maybe should have been a red flag but what do I know. We exchanged photos, liked each other, he gave me his home address, his phone number and his full name - I was able to find him online and see he was a real and an amazing person.

Suddenly - the messages stopped. After about two weeks of constant insisting on how great we were and how amazing all of this is - he stopped replying, or he would say something like: can't talk right now, busy, sick or something... I tried to be cool (I don't know how to keep my cool) for about two days, but on the third day I asked him to explain to me the sudden change in behaviour. He said he would talk to me the following day. So I wait patiently and at 23:30 I get a message from him: I can't tell you what is going on. I am at this point incredibly frustrated. He said he had a big problem that frustrated him and he doesn't want to talk about it. I say: ok, but please let me know whether your intentions with us have changed. I wanted to know whether to get more emotionally invested or stop. He says nothing has changed between us but he cannot now think about us or give me an answer about whether things are going to be different. He says he has the right not to tell me what is going on - but then - he must have understood it was incredibly frustrating to have this change in behaviour after insisting for two weeks straight he wanted us to try to be together.

I asked him very bluntly whether he had found someone else or didn't like the way I looked. I said it was ok if this happened but I didn't want to be dragged along. I told him I felt he didn't really care about how I felt. He then told me I was belittling him and expected him to be perfect and trying to make us the most important thing in the world. Mind you, HE was the one who kept pushing for some highly emotional spiritual connection between us. He asked me to focus on my project and he will focus on his problem. He didn't say much else, apart from telling me there is no other woman and my looks aren't the problem. So I don't know what happens now, do I forget about him, or do I contact him, or maybe I shouldn't contact him? Thank you in advance.

[madotnw_nihs]

It really sucks on how he is responding lately. If he completely changed his tune right after exchanging personal information, it's either he doesn't like the way you look or getting your info was his end game? I don't know why that is the case, but I would be careful with him. I think it's best to just not contact him.

[avery08]

thanks for your reply. as a guy, do you think I overreacted? my friends are telling me I shouldn't have pushed him for an answer, but I think that his behaviour changed so drastically I just wanted to know, i didn't want to waste my time on someone who didn't have the courage to tell me the truth. of course, there is a possibility something is really going on, but he must have known his behaviour was incredibly odd.

[madotnw_nihs]

I don't think so. I also think that we can't spend too much time waiting around for potential relationships to progress, especially online ones where you haven't met yet. The fact that you haven't met, what problem could be so secretive that he couldn't be honest.