She slept with me, but bu doesn't consider me potential bf

[penderor]

Hi everyone,
I am on college and there is a girl I know for around year and a half. The first three months I was in friendzone (like really), then for sometime I almost didn't communicate with her and during the summer I haven't seen her at all. Now I sort of changed my way of aproaching her, trying to be more "manly" and confident in myself. Few friends who talk to her, told me that they think that she changed her opinion somehow. We also started to talk a little bit more for like two months.
Now two days back, we were drinking like really drinking. At one point we started talking about some life subjects and then I know we started kissing. After that I asked her if she wanted to stay for a night in my room ( I dont have a roommate) she agreed. Well and after that something happened. We stopped drinking about 6:00 and then we've been doing it from around 7:00 to 8:00. We woke up at 10:30 and she was a bit confused and suprised, but she sort of remembered what happend. We were talking for some time about it, while I was talking mostly about he we could try be together, while she was saying something about not being sure about it. Then we started kissing again, with some ehm extra thing.
Then I said I should go that some friend is waiting for me. She said its okay and went to her room. Later that night she wrote me and asked me to come. She started talking really coldly telling it was a bad thing and that she sees me only as a friend and that the only reason she did was that she was drunk and didn't had sex for about six months. She was still suprised we actually slept together. She kept talking about how she doesn't remember, which I dont believe. I was trying to be really honest and was talking about that she is single anyway and that we can go out sometime.
However, she just kept talking about how she knows that I like her for the whole time we know each other, but she just feels nothing. Now I usually pragmatic, but such a thing simply really started making me angry. Before it became visible I just left her room and I heard her talking not be angry with me and that she still wants to communicate with me, but I didn't respond and left. I was angry really angry for basically the whole night and next day. I am just not used to these things and this was so weird and illogical even from what I know about female behaviour.
The next day I talked to her again (I was a bit drunk she was sober) and told her that I understand that she is free and can do whatever she wants, but that she wont change my opinion on this matter and that I want us to continue communicate. She also told me I am pushing her.
I dont know what to do. I know I will not stop liking her and know she just wont magically change her mind, but I want to do something POSITIVE. I really dont want to see comments like forget her and similar things. Thank you.

[Hooo!]

Girl wants to have fun.
Go have fun too

Next time use paragraphs to make it readable.

You have a crush on her. Well she doesn’t have a crush on you and just had some sex. Maybe didn’t even enjoy it.
Chasing after her won’t get you anywhere.
Leave her be and invite her over for some sex in two months or something

[pcmaster]

Thats why I never sleep with girls if I feel like feelings is not equal. Anyway girl was drunk, what do you want, of course man she feels nothing. Next time dont mix drinking and sex. Do one or other thing. One thing at the time.

Dont agree with hitting her up again later. She hurt you now and will hurt again if you give her chance. Learn from this mistake. I suggest start dating girls. Dont stop after this one broken yogurt.

[bunnyhabit]

she was obviously looking for a one night stand and chose you as her target. she made it clear that the only relationship she wants with you in the future is a casual friendship.

if you push her for a romance the potential of casual friendship will end. back off and hope she changes her feelings for you over time. be flirty and available but don't corner her now.

in the meantime there always the opportunity for a second one night stand. to enjoy

[TheEvilJester]

I would agree with bunnyhabit. I will say this, drunk or not, what she did was wrong. Drunk people don't just suddenly do something they would never do otherwise. Being drunk just removed inhibitions and sometimes will cause them to do something maybe they wanted to anyway, but would have held themselves back.

That doesn't necessarily mean she sees you as anything more than a friend, though. She's been pretty clear about that and people don't usually say that and not mean it. They also rarely change their minds. But, where I personally feel she was wrong is in that she KNEW you had feelings for her, and yet did this anyway. How would she not think you would be lead to think it meant more than maybe it did for her?

So, even if you said it isn't what you want to hear, my personal advice would be that it is best to move on and forget her. Otherwise, how do you expect to move on from the feelings you have for her knowing that she doesn't feel the same way?

But, since that is not what you want to do, I will instead at least say this... She's told you she sees you as only a friend. So, for now, take her at her word on that. If you feel you can be just friends with her and not just be secretly hoping she changes her mind, then do exactly that. Assume you two are just friends and proceed from now on as though that is the case. It isn't impossible. She certainly COULD change her mind. But, it is unlikely and rare. So, don't hang around just hoping that she does change her mind because it may never happen. And, similarly, don't try to push her into changing her mind/giving you a chance. That is a lot more likely to backfire than it is to have positive results.

So, if you insist on not removing yourself from the situation completely, then at least my advice would be to proceed assuming that you two will remain friends and nothing more. Good luck to you either way.

[madotnw_nihs]

Be happy you got a one-night stand out of it at least. She isn't interested in having a br/gf relationship with you. If you can't handle that, then walk away.

[GLYC]

Sorry.

"I really dont want to see comments like forget her and similar things. Thank you."

Forget her and similar things.

She just isn't interested. You can't just force a woman to be interested in you, no amount of you trying to force things is going to change her mind.
Attraction isn't a choice.

[Hooo!]

Uhh that’s a deep one.

Yes attraction is a choice and
Yes you can be attracting so other people feel attraction to you and you can chose to be or not to be attracting.

Blieving that attraction or the process of attracting someone is beyond your choice or control is (wether it is true or not) not helpful.

I regard this as a limiting belief of yours

[TheEvilJester]

I would honestly kind of agree with both sides of that argument a little bit. You can certainly influence attraction/attractiveness (both for the negative and the positive).... so in that sense you could argue it is PARTIALLY a choice. But there is also a LARGE factor of attractiveness that is not a choice in the slightest. For example, (and I'm using an intentionally ridiculous and fake example here, LOL) if you just happened not to find purple people with three eyes and blue hair attractive.... you didn't DECIDE to find purple people with three eyes and blue hair unattractive.... that's just something within you that you couldn't help.

So, yes, there is some element of intangibility to attraction. It may be that she simply doesn't find him attractive, and then there IS nothing he can do about that, and really nothing she could do either. ....Though I will say.... another thing people don't generally do, drunk or not, is to sleep with somebody they don't find attractive. So, on at least some level, she probably DOES find him attractive... but that doesn't change the fact that she apparently still considers them friends (or maybe friends with benefits at best) and nothing more. You can certainly acknowledge that somebody is physically attractive and yet still not be interested in them in that way anyway.

[GLYC]

Uhh that’s a deep one.

Yes attraction is a choice and
Yes you can be attracting so other people feel attraction to you and you can chose to be or not to be attracting.

Blieving that attraction or the process of attracting someone is beyond your choice or control is (wether it is true or not) not helpful.

I regard this as a limiting belief of yours

I disagree, women don't have a choice necessarily in who they're attracted to, they can go against their programming to make decisions of course.
Men have a choice in becoming more attractive yes.

But.

Some people just won't be into you, that's the reality.
Yes getting in shape, dressing nice, understanding attraction, will help improve those numbers

But let's say, you're 25, ripped and have a chiseled jaw line, you dress well. You studied the art of attraction.
However, you never brushed your teeth before in your life, you just were never raised to.

Some women will reject you because of your teeth.

We can replace teeth with height, weight, facial structure, accent, etc.

Is it fair? Maybe not.
But that's the reality.

I don't consider it a limiting belief, I just consider it being objective.
I think to say otherwise would be to be being blowing rays of sunshine up another persons arse.
And us praising him saying that he will get her, in reality, it doesn't help him out long term. It will actually be more detrimental. It gives him false hope, and a bad shift of focus.


Assume women will be into you, Yes, but when they express disinterest and say something like they clearly aren't.
Move on.

Edit - Oops.. just read your post [MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION]
I basically said the same thing. Lol

[pcmaster]

You act like she owes to you to like you and be attracted to you. But just like you dont owe homeless man to suck his dick, she dont owes you to like you and etc. You cant force girls to do something they dont want. In the end no one belongs to anyone, I mean we dont have ownership over anyone. Girl can do what she wants and let you go at any time. And she already let you go. If you still dont want to give up then your inly option is to do what Jake suly did in avatar after his GF dumped him. Yeah get a big impressive ride that is legendary and admired.

[Hooo!]

If she’s isn’t into you doesn’t mean it’s no choice.
People chose who they are with sexually and romantically

Not everyone will be into you if you are the perfect man yes
The choice if someone is a potential mate is an unconscious one often times.
However that doesn’t mean it’s outside of their control or outside of your influence.

[TheEvilJester]

I disagree, women don't have a choice necessarily in who they're attracted to, they can go against their programming to make decisions of course.
Men have a choice in becoming more attractive yes.

But.

Some people just won't be into you, that's the reality.
Yes getting in shape, dressing nice, understanding attraction, will help improve those numbers

But let's say, you're 25, ripped and have a chiseled jaw line, you dress well. You studied the art of attraction.
However, you never brushed your teeth before in your life, you just were never raised to.

Some women will reject you because of your teeth.

We can replace teeth with height, weight, facial structure, accent, etc.

Is it fair? Maybe not.
But that's the reality.

I don't consider it a limiting belief, I just consider it being objective.
I think to say otherwise would be to be being blowing rays of sunshine up another persons arse.
And us praising him saying that he will get her, in reality, it doesn't help him out long term. It will actually be more detrimental. It gives him false hope, and a bad shift of focus.


Assume women will be into you, Yes, but when they express disinterest and say something like they clearly aren't.
Move on.

Edit - Oops.. just read your post TheEvilJester
I basically said the same thing. Lol

LOL! No, that is perfectly okay. You and I may be of the same opinion, but you expressed it differently. It never hurts to share your opinions even if they may echo the same of somebody else. Heck, I'd even say that can be helpful. If several people feel the same way, that helps lend credence to the fact that it could well be an opinion worth hearing. It doesn't mean we are right, it doesn't mean we aren't. But, if several folks agree it is at least decent evidence to say it may have some validity.

As for your example, I'd go one step even further. Let's pretend this imaginary ideal man you described also happens to have wonderful, perfect, beautiful teeth. He takes immaculate care of him, and to many people this would be their idea of the ideal man.... There will still be some women who just do not find him attractive. No two people are alike. Everybody has their own "thing" so to speak, when it comes to who and what they do and do not find attractive.

So, again, attractiveness CAN be partially a choice and partially in our control... but it can also be very intangible, unchangeable, and completely out of control of both the person and the object of their attraction or lack of attraction.

[Gary Griffin]

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