I want kids but my girlfriend doesn't want them... what should I do?

[amaninlove43]

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for over 8 months now and I’ve been thinking of popping the question.

However, I feel like I have to hold back for a bit… when I started talking with her about

having a family, she show disinterest in having kids. We were having fun and talking about

having 3 kids but then she followed it with “having kids are troublesome,

I honestly don’t want to have any…”

I was taken aback, I had asked her more about it but she just shrugged it off saying that

she just doesn’t want them. I made it clear with her that I want to have kids.

So now I am wondering if we are still on the same page as when we started…

we are both dating with intentions of marriage, but with the current discussion it’s almost

like it might not work out.

When I first met her through a singles tour, she was really charming (still is) and

she made it clear that she wants to find that one person to spend the rest of her life with.

But because we never talked about having kids whatsoever, now that it happened,

I am surprised. What should I do? I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her

but I want to have a family… I really need help, please!

[Hooo!]

You should not have kids with anyone you haven’t even been with for a year.

I don’t even get how you can be so irresponsible.

But that’s just my personal point of view.
However I’m not supporting this in any way.

[bunnyhabit]

this is a simplistic problem easily solved although painful for a short period perhaps

you have two choices
1) Forget about having children and marry current lover
OR
2) Forget about current lover and find a girl that wants children and marry her.

[TheEvilJester]

I think you may be misunderstanding, Hooo. Though, amaninlove could correct me if I am wrong. However, I don't think he is talking about wanting to have kids with her NOW. I think he is saying that he wants to eventually have kids. He wants that to be an eventual option/goal in their relationship. It is sounding like she does not.

As much as I'd love to say this is something you can look past, it really isn't. This isn't a small thing like she likes rock music and you hate it. Or you love horror movies and she doesn't. This is a pretty major thing. If she is 100% steadfast in that she DOES NOT want kids, but you are 100% certain you do, then that is not something you two could get past. If you tried to force it, the most likely result would be one of two things. Either you give in and you two never have kids, and eventually you regret that (and possibly even grow to resent her because of it), or she decides to give in and have kids, but she regrets it (and similarly may also resent you, or even turn out not to be a great mother because her heart wasn't in it in the first place).

Don't get me wrong. It isn't like I am saying those are DEFINITELY the only possible outcomes. It is certainly possible that she'd decide to give in, have kids with you, and find out she loves being a mother. Or, it's possible you'd give in and decide not to have kids and discover that you are okay with it. But, those are pretty unlikely outcomes IF you two are both pretty resolute in your feelings on this topic.

So, I guess the first thing you should do is to talk to her about it again. Ask her about her comments, about how she feels about this, etc. Find out if she is dead set against having kids, or if she is just sort of undecided and that is why she said that. If she's willing to be honest about it, that should hopefully help you to determine just how far apart you two are on this topic. I wouldn't suggest you throw the relationship away without discussing that first. Because, again, maybe she's not as dead set against it as she may have made it seem.

But, as much as I know that isn't what you'd hope to have to do.... if you two are both steadfastly in the opposite extremes on this, that is very unlikely to work out. As much as it would suck for something like this to have to end what is otherwise a great relationship, that just isn't something two people can simply "get over."

Best of luck to you. I hope that it turns out you two can make it work, but if not I wish you both enough strength to do what may be right for both of you, and the good fortune to both find somebody else if that is the case.

[madotnw_nihs]

This is one of the deal-breaker type issues in relationships to me. When i start to date someone, I always talk about family aspirations at a casual level. Having a child is very important to me and I would chose a partner based on that.

[Gary Griffin]

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