Shy Guy Trouble

[Jonathon_03]

Ok, this is probably gonna sounds real corny but I have to say it.
There's girl in our school (it ain't no kiddy love we're both 18) and she really is the most gorgeous girl I have ever met. Not only is she incredibly sexy but shes a really fun person who is interested in similar things as me and when I talk to her we always seem to gel quite well. Although whenever she does say "Hi" to me I can only ever manage a squeak as a reply.
As shy as I am I think even I would have asked this girl out by now, but there's the fact that she is slightly neurotic, a feminist (along with the typical lesbian rumours) and loves arguments. In effect its all rather intimidating and its been tearing me up inside and i dunno what to do. Its a weird predicament but if anyone who's been in similar situation can help me I'd be most grateful.

[Argile]

Congratulations on your crush.
Bad news? 18 can still be kiddy love. I mean, it's not like you're ready to get into a serious marriage type relationship, you just can have sex without being arrested!

Emotionally you're still insecure, and your description of the situation shows this.

If any of these are true:
-You don't feel you deserve her.
-You would worship the ground she walks on.
-If she asked you to tell her all of your darkest secrets on your first date you would.

Then you are crushing and not in any state of self awareness which would allow you to pursue a meaningfull relationship... SO, what you should do is DATE .. -DATE-.. -D A T E-. Don't prommise yourself that any relationship you start will go anywhere. Don't let any girl you date at this point get you to tell her you're in love with her or that you want to marry her. They're just as insecure as you at this point, and that would only cause hurt feelings when the relationship eventually and inevitable folds for the first time. Granted, it's possible one of the people you date in highschool will later become a real long term life partner.. but this is most likely in the case where you both have broken up, grown much stronger, and then gotten back together.

Wanna know what's even scarrier? There are people in their 30s and 40s who still fall for the simple infatuist infantile lack of self esteem driven "Crush" psychology.

You must love others out of a love for yourself, or your love is entirely selfish.

I'm such a cynic.

Ummm, ok, the real advice:

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, calm your trembling voice, and tell her "I think you're very beautiful, and I have for a long time. I would really like to take you out to dinner sometime so we can have some time alone to get to know eachother better." And don't say anything until she responds, just look at her and smile in spite of that your palms are swetting and heart racing. Ignore that you're blushing, she may take that as a complement. Try not to go out of your way to take her somewhere really nice on the first date, that will make expectations. Something on the range of $12 would be a good start at your age... say, some chinese food at Gourmet 88.

Hope this helps

[Jonathon_03]

Thankyou, that sounds like some good advice there. That barrier of aksing her out is the major hurdle though, I'll se how things go and maybe when the time is right and I feel good I'll do it .

[jane]

Hey Argile... IT's good to see another Californian! By the way, great advice!

[DuckyWucky]

She's a feminist? Oh lawd. I don't know about you but I hate those girls that have the "I am woman hear me roar" type crap for an attitude.

Just tell her that you two should hang out this weekend. Maybe another weekend whenever you're ready to do so. Tell her, "What are you doing this weekend? After she answers say, "Cause I'm taking you out." Be assertive. Personally I think you'll sound like a wimp if you tell her you think she's this and that and you really want to hang out.

Tell her, "This is how it's gonna be! Take it or leave it!" Not those words, but that type of out look on asking her. Be confident and you'll get farther.

[seven770]

Hmmm, I got this when I asked my first girlfriend out, once you do it, you'll feel alot better, you only live once m8, how long are you gonna keep on hanging about? what if she gets with someone else? you've lost your chance, and it would hurt you. Go for it and goodluck

[Argile]

Feminism is okay, even healthy, so long as the person does not try to deny the very fabric of reality in order to feel more in control of their lives (the basic tennant of feminism is to never be controled by a man).

No worries.

[Jonathon_03]

It's not like her feminism is out of control or nothing, it can just be intimidating when she criticises men for not giving women the vote earlier, treating them like slaves in the house, etc. Its one of the things I admire about her I guess.

[Killerbabe]

Argile, I know this is somewhat off the topic, but nevertheless here goes. What makes you think that 18-year olds are not capable of serious, mature feelings? I'm just curious: what is it about the American culture in general that people seem to degradate and just because it's mundane that one should concentrate on his career first, and then around 30 get married? Work, work, work and then spend, spend, spend...capitalism. Don't you think that if teen-agers weren't constantly told that they should party and date as many people as possible before settling down, they would treat each other with greater respect and be a little more picky and serious about matters such as love. I think there would be much less of broken hearts and not to mention things like STD's...

[Argile]

I'm personally not really into the party culture Killerbabe. I think you misread what I meant. I did not mean that 18 year olds are incapable of real deep emotional connection. I simply mean that maturity is required, and I see a big lack of maturity in the world today. My point was not that because they're 18 they're doomed, but rather that being 18 doesn't rule out the possibility that they're not ready for a real relationship yet... Agree or no?