Need Unbiased Opinion!

[thefeature]

Hi,
This is my first time posting on here but I have a situation I would like some clarification/advice on if possible and you all seem very friendly and have the benefit that your unbiased as well!

I was seeing this girl for 3.5 years and we broke up in May (im 22 she 21). We mainly broke up because I generally neglected her for a year or so whilst i was finishing off uni and had some other problems and didnt treat her too well (not abuse or anything like that!). Now we broke up a few times whilst going out because of this but this time for good.

She has since then had a boyfriend for 3 months but they broke up about a month ago. We went out for a drink as friends about a week after this and she ended up stayin with me that night, all day friday, saturday until sunday morning. Then the next weekend we went cinema and she said it made her realise she wants to be friends still because we could never just casually see each other because we already know each other too well. See when we spend time together we get along really well and I think she wants to be with me and acts like that but when she is away she just gets angry at stuff I have done before.

So i take this as it is and because i already got over her once, this time I was not as bothered and didnt sit around moping. Anyway last week she ended up speaking to me till like 5 in the morning one night after I had come back from going out and was saying she was angry that I had changed into a better person now because she would have done anything for me when we were together and also if we knew things we did now we would probably be really happy and engaged now etc. Also she said she always thought we would be together forever and really belived it. Also said there is plenty of time for some more surprises though.

Now OK I thought you still wanna be friends fair enough. But then on saturday night I end up speaking to and kissing this girl whilst we are both at the same club (after all we are friends right and split up 6 months ago). But then she walked over to me and poured her drink over my head! LOL so I sent her a message saying thanks for that I thought we were friends and she replied and said I was doing it in front of her (which I wasnt) and that it was really low of me and we were over, she dont wanna speak or see me again!

I dont know whether to ring her now because is she trying to hide the fact that she wants to be with me or just angry that she now realises im not just going to sit around and wait for her? She has since ignored me at the gym so I didnt say anything.

I just want to know if:
A) I should contact her and
B) what I should say???

Because I obviously care a lot for her and feel we are meant to end up together but at the same time I have been the one saying that I want to get back together and dont want to put myself out there once again for her to turn around and say no.

Please give me some advice as I would appreciate some insight (especially from females!) as to these very conflicting behaviours! Sorry this is quite long!

[Tearslost]

Personally i would watch it. She might just be content to make sure no other girls can enjoy/date you. She likes you as a friend and your fun to hang out with, but unless shes willing to recommit shes just using you for what she wants. Girls are weird, they wont love you but theyll make sure no one else can.(LOL i am a guy so this is probably not the best of advice) A)call her B) ask her if she wants to hook back up or if she wants to work out what happened in the past. if she says no live free and dont regret the good times you had with her, but dont look back.

[Junsui]

Maybe she likes who you have become now, but keeps remembering how shitty you were to her in the past so she is confused as to what to do. She might be afraid that if she got involved in a relationship with you again, things will turn out as they were in the past. She probably does have stronger than friendship feelings for you.

[thefeature]

Wow been looking for a reply to this all week now and I have two within a few hours on this site! Thanks!

I think really your both right, I think obviously it was because she was jealous but she is scared of getting hurt again! It is so hard trying to convince someone this isnt the case aint it!

I think I will probably ring her at somepoint and just tell her I didnt mean to hurt her by kissing this girl and ask her if she wants to sort stuff out.

When I spoke to her that night till 5am she was saying loads of stuff to me that I did wrong and then she warmed up to me because she said it was good for her to get it all off her chest because it was clouding all her emotions before and she had really enjoyed the last month when we had seen each other.

But this just threw it all back again because she said to me in that text after she had seen me kissing her "so much for being sorry for hurting me the last year" so I dont know what to make of it?!

And also what should I do if she wont answer the phone? She is very stubborn so this would not surprise me! LOL but arent all girls!

[*konstantine*]

Girls are weird, they wont love you but theyll make sure no one else can.

unfortunatly i know Guys do it too!!!!

Its hard to say why she reacted that way, it might be b/c she's jelous, i think it would take a very long time to see someone u were with (and cared about alot) kiss someone else infront of you and have absolutely no feelings about it. If i were you i would talk to her and see where shes wants to go with all this...tell her if she wants to give this a try again your willing to do that and put everything else behind u and acknowledge that u know u treated her badly in the past and don't want to do that again....or tell her if she just wants to be friends she can't be like that...she can't make u feel bad for moving on if she doesn't want to be w/u that way....

[Junsui]

I agree with konstantine.

[whaywardj]

Me too. Go to her in person. Say to her, "Who I've turned into loves you as much as who I used to be did. If not more. Let's try to work this out."

[Warmor]

Stay away from her. Do not call her. Do not go to her in person. You said there were two times, the first time you moped around, but this time you didn't. By not waiting around for her and living your live how you want, you DID NOT change into a better person. You were and still are that GREAT person and by showing her you don't need her, she has a gut attraction for you again. She wants to call it off but then when she see's how you handle it like a man she always had a desire for you. You're better off with someone new, and not having her as a friend, as it seems you're doing well with that already!

[whaywardj]

In love, there's little room for foolish pride.

[Junsui]

So true, Hayward.

[Tearslost]

true and false, that only works if love is on both sides. I've seen a buch of relationshisp were someone gives their pride away and the other person doesnt give a shit

[whaywardj]

You totally miss the point of the adage, Tearslost, and, probably, the keyword in it. It's not a matter in the least of quid-pro-quo or tit-for-tat. Not a matter of comparing at all.

[thefeature]

Thanks for all the replies guys! Its the most advice I have ever had! Its good as well because when you ask family or friends everyone is either trying to protect you or are biased towards your situation.

Now unfortunately im stuck again because after reading all this there are two very good arguements! I could just let it go because I got a reaction out of her so perhaps that will increase her attraction and desire again and she will think about it a lot (although she may think of me badly again?!)...

OR

I could go and speak to her in person and tell her I want us to try again after seeing such an extreme reaction out of her and strike whilst the irons hot. Thing is I have told her I wanted to try again only a couple of weeks ago (after that weekend) with the same response so I might be setting myself up for another rejection. However with that in mind I think I could easily handle that and it would not depress me as I have already got over the depression stage and have other options should it not work out.

With that in mind has anyone got a strong feeling about which one to do?

[Rosebud]

OK well I do agree with some of the posts above but I also have to add as well coming from a female's point of view. She could have realized all the stuff before that bothered her and felt the need to tell you about these things because she does care for you and she had hopes that you two would get back together but becasue of what had happened the last time she wanted to tread slowly and see how things would progress after she told you how she felt. Well low and behold even being friends you had kissed another chick and she had taken that right away as hurtful because of her expressing how she felt. she may have thought you really didn't change and that you didn't care about her feelings at all because of you doing that.

So if that is the case which it could be, I would suggest talking with her and just telling her exactly how you feel. And just go from there.

[Debunkt]

on saturday night I end up speaking to and kissing this girl whilst we are both at the same club

is a little contradictory thinking to

I obviously care a lot for her and feel we are meant to end up together

as well as a few other things in your statements. If you want her back, don't play hard to get, because she's OBVIOUSLY looking for a reason to get back with you. Yeah, she's going to be upset about shit you did in the past, its what we do. You need to ask her to forgive and possibly forget. If she can do this, and you're SURE you can be better than you were, than no need to debate it, just tell her that. If she's not going to forgive you, move on, and cut ****ing contact because there is no way ya'll are going to have a "friendship". Those, I see are your only choices. And while you're racking your brain about whether or not you want her, I suggest you don't go around kissing other girls.