Making it final

[independent]

Today I did it. I finally knew for sure how I felt, and said as much to my BF of two years. He's been moved out for several weeks now, and after attempting to "date" (if you want to call it that) in such sensitive circumstances... I finally just admitted that it wasnt working for me at all.

It seems he wakes up every day and starts with a clean slate - calling to say good morning and would I like to go to breakfast. Like nothing ever happened. Like all those words were never said. Like I was never hurt.

Somehow this whole thing felt like it got turned around on me. Like I "kicked him out" and "gave up on us". Not like he did all the things he did to me that brought me to making the choice of asking him to get his own place.

Anyway, he called this morning to ask me if I'd like to go out on Friday night. I just knew that it was time to say how I truly felt. I told him no. And I told him that I just didnt enjoy being around him anymore.

I explained to him that I felt like I may never be able to trust him again, after all of the lies... and that being around him just reminded me of all of the things he had done and said. I said (truthfully) that it wasnt even about love. It was about being happy - and I was not.

And so he came and got the rest of his things from my house this afternoon. I'd already done all my crying (when the things that led to this originally happened)... and he finally did his.

It's a sad thing, this parting. Necessary, but sad. I do hope that he will find happiness - something worth telling the truth for. Something worth going home to at a decent hour.

As for me... its time to take some time off from it all, and focus on things in my life that DO make me happy: my children, my career, my home, etc.

I feel oddly calm. I guess relieved.

[Tone]

Glad to hear inde!

You did the right thing, which is usually the hardest.

[Rosebud]

Well Independent, There's your closure. And may I add I think you did it perfectly. Good Job! And I wish you nothing but the best ahead.

[independent]

Yes, closure indeed. I hope you are right in that I handled it well. It seemed appropriate. There was no fight to it, which was nice.

He did say he understood why. He did say he wished it had worked (I wished that too. This certainly wasnt what I had planned for myself). And he cried.

I have to admit that his tears got to me. When I cried he wasnt there for me. And now I cant be there for him (not appropriate). Anyway, just to say I know how that feels. Too bad it all had to happen like it did.

I imagine it will be awhile before I feel the urge to date again. This stuff certainly isnt what you see yourself getting into when a handsome fellow asks you to dinner. At the same time, I dont want to over-analyze every friend or dinner date for the rest of my life. So some time off is in order now for sure.

I'm glad for my girlfriends, and for my new friends here at LF.

[Rosebud]

Most of the issues you had was not being able to put things to rest and they would still weigh on your mind (not having cloure to move on) so i think by telling him how you felt and him accepting that and you have done just that. You will still go through the "what if's" and "why's" but you will find you will be able to move on faster becasue of how you handled this situation.

LOL, I think time off dating is what you need and I think you'll be fine all in due time.

[independent]

Well, by the end of the day he was emailing apologies and sad notes. Those I didnt mind so much, but then he called later and asked me out for Friday night (again). I just told him again that I didnt enjoy being around him, and that I couldnt just drop it all and pretend like it never happened.

In the past he has worn me down on certain issues - so I imagine he's hoping that will work as usual. He can be relentless if he wants something (like for us to get back together, or to have sex, etc) *sigh*

I woke up this morning not sure what to do. The weekend is coming on, the kids may be out of the house... which he'll take as a sign to really wear on me. But I checked my horoscope this morning first thing, and it said:

Smiling and saying 'no, thanks' is a perfectly valid option, no matter how enthusiastically your sweet baboo is pushing a particular option. If you really don't want to go hang gliding, say so, for goodness' sake!

That helped. My weekly horoscope said:

Your usual flexibility may desert you between Thursday and Saturday, but being dogmatic about a romantic situation gets you nowhere fast. Consciously adopt a different perspective -- then try on yet another one. Be frank this weekend in order to clarify matters.

That makes sense, because we dont agree on any of it. So it wont do me any good to keep arguing my side (which is truth to me). A different approach, as suggested, might be a good idea.

Suggestions anyone?

[Lloyd95]

"Hey baby, what's your sign?" Oh, and are you hot? If so, I could be your rebound guy.

[independent]

LMAO!!

(and thank you - that was a good start Making me laugh, and realizing that I have more fun with people I dont even know very well... than I do with him... is a very good reason to stick to my "no")

[Junsui]

I dated a guy who would not stop bothering me about things either. Similar to what I think you're describing. When we broke up he kept trying to get me to give in and get back together. I just had to cut him out of my life and not talk to him. Just don't answer his calls and block his emails or something.

[independent]

Probably a good idea. How long did it go on before you did that?

The call last night wasnt taken by choice - one of my children answered the phone (ugh).

To me it comes down to a matter of respect - and of the person who says they are madly in love with you... not being able to respect your boundaries, or your need for space away from them.

[Junsui]

They just get desperate because what do they have to lose now? That probably went on for about a month after we broke up. I had already stopped taking his calls, but he kept calling for a few weeks before finally just giving up.

[Lloyd95]

Soooooo....... are you? Hot?

[independent]

That makes sense, Junsui...

And Lloyd - I'd say that's relative, LOL.
(you're cracking me up!)

[Lloyd95]

Indy, in all honesty, guys are very visual creatures; for example, pictures of naked girls turn us on more than sexual/romantic words in a book or magazine. I'm not sure about women, but we are more so than you guys.

that being said, it helps us when we can "visualize" who we are talking to, other than just letters on the screen. Right guys? Tone? TAVS?

[Junsui]

Yes, guys are visual creatures and women get turned on more by touch. Not saying that we can't get turned on by pictures or whatever, but it usually takes a little bit more than a photo.