Getting Over ...

[Confuzzled]

Heres my dilemna. Not sure if its the right forum but mehs.
Theres a girl I like and we've become really good friends.
But I think she'll never love me back and I'm not gonna risk our friendship on something like that.
How do I get over loving her? Avoiding her is out of the question.

[Rosebud]

Well I don't think you have too many options then. If you can't talk to her about it and you can't avoid her you just kidnda got deal with it unfortunately.

[Confuzzled]

The thing is I don't know how to deal. Never have. Looking for any advice.

[Rosebud]

I'm not sure on this one becasue when your trying to get over someone normally you don't ahve to be around them. You can hang out with other people so that your meeting new people and maybe meet a new chick in the process. But if your going to be seeing her all the time it's going to be really hard. You just have to put aside those feelings and try and meet someone new.

[F1fever]

Theres a girl I like and we've become really good friends.
But I think she'll never love me back and I'm not gonna risk our friendship on something like that.
How do I get over loving her? Avoiding her is out of the question.

I`m in exactly the same position as you. For the last year me and this girl have been chatting, going on Holiday etc. Just hanging out alot and i`ve really fallen for her. She's like very different from me, far more up front and feoisty whereas i`m very much the quiet type.

I don't want to risk our friendship, but you need to ask yourself a few things really.

Do you love her as a friend or do you think more than that? and How close are you?

Both questions kinda combine I guess. Depending on how close you are can have a bearing on how you feel an what you do. If your really close then maybe she'll understand if you discuss how you feel about her. If she doesn't feel the same way then it won't be an issue and being friends will be easier. If she's your best or only female friend (I don't know you so I have to be a tad general) and you've talked about alot of things with her, you may be confusing the feelings for a friend (or in my case I have so many sisters it's untrue!) for something more.

Think carefully about whether your sure, if you decide not, then not saying anything is the way to go. but if you decide you can see a future for it and you do love her more than a friend then you HAVE to say something. If not it clouds your judgement giving advice and if she gets with someone else it's got the potential to destroy you for a while.

It's a tough thing to do, and i`m going to tell my mate very soon I think. I love her unconditionally and want to see if she feels the same, but i`m confident enough that if she says no- she won't be running off and telling all her mates and making it bloody akward for us. But I need to know.

Make sure you know what you want, consider any signs you've got from her and if all points that way, you have to go for it!

(ps Let me know how it goes!)

[indigosoul]

If you really love her as you suggest, there IS no "getting over". Sorry. If not, then time & distraction (work, hobbies, dating others) will do the trick. But someone on here once said this better than I can:

"Let me let you in on a little secret nobody talks about that much and even fewer like to hear. If it's real, you'll wait for as long as it takes, and be happy to do so. You won't be pining away, or moaning over your loss, or wishing for this or that or the other. But you WILL be waiting. You'll go on about your life, change jobs, get married, have kids, they'll grow up, you'll get divorced. And you'll STILL be waiting. Then you'll retire, take up a hobby, turn that into a second career, become a grandparent, trade in your blades for a mountain bike, sell the second business you created, take a world tour with your bike in tow...and still be waiting. Then, one day, years later, decades even, at an airport, hailing a cab, paying for a cup of coffee, you'll turn around and there she'll be. You'll each look beyond ALL the experiences etched into your faces and see each other as you were then..and it will be as if you never left each other.

Point is: Once you REALLY put ALL your emotional money down on ONE person, there will always be a part of you ready to receive them again. It doesn't go away. You just learn to live around it. If it comes to pass you never see them again, you take great pleasure in having had the blessing of loving at all...savoring that pleasure, perhaps, may even be the last thought you have before you die.

So, now. Go live."

Do a little research if you want to know the author (who I hope doesn't mind my quoting him). Think of it as a distraction.

[mhussain]

Heres my dilemna. Not sure if its the right forum but mehs.
Theres a girl I like and we've become really good friends.
But I think she'll never love me back and I'm not gonna risk our friendship on something like that.
How do I get over loving her? Avoiding her is out of the question.

how do you know that she will not love you back until you actually hear a yes or no?

i know that you are probably right but i am hinging my question on the hope that you are not

Hussain

[boobaa]

I had that dilemma also, now the girl is gone and I don't want to ever see her again. Since I had a dilemma, I tried to make myself better etc, so I started to make things up from my uncountiousness. And so, i made out a complete dumb of myself and I discovered myself as really shallow person to her. So, I thank god the "love" is over and I don't miss her. She wasn't my type.

Just make shure you don't get the dilemma I had. Learn from others mistakes, since life is too short to make all the mistakes by yourself... or something like that.

[carpflounder]

The thing is I don't know how to deal.

Good..it is better not too. You could get yourself into loads of trouble. If they caught you they could seize your car, house, and anything else that may have been your financial gain. And you would also have to look over your shoulder all the time. With mandatory minimiums in place dealing is just not worth it!

[Confuzzled]

"Let me let you in on a little secret nobody talks about that much and even fewer like to hear. If it's real, you'll wait for as long as it takes, and be happy to do so. You won't be pining away, or moaning over your loss, or wishing for this or that or the other. But you WILL be waiting. You'll go on about your life, change jobs, get married, have kids, they'll grow up, you'll get divorced. And you'll STILL be waiting. Then you'll retire, take up a hobby, turn that into a second career, become a grandparent, trade in your blades for a mountain bike, sell the second business you created, take a world tour with your bike in tow...and still be waiting. Then, one day, years later, decades even, at an airport, hailing a cab, paying for a cup of coffee, you'll turn around and there she'll be. You'll each look beyond ALL the experiences etched into your faces and see each other as you were then..and it will be as if you never left each other.

Point is: Once you REALLY put ALL your emotional money down on ONE person, there will always be a part of you ready to receive them again. It doesn't go away. You just learn to live around it. If it comes to pass you never see them again, you take great pleasure in having had the blessing of loving at all...savoring that pleasure, perhaps, may even be the last thought you have before you die.

So, now. Go live."

That actually puts everything in perspective. I'm not gonna care, but all I know is that one day it may come out.

To answer other questions yes I know how to deal, Lol but I don't. Its in my past and I'm not going down that road again! Just kidding.

Anyways to answer the other questions, nope shes not my only close female friend. Theres a bunch I'm always around. Some confide in me and I confide in some. I'm a shy kind of a guy and I never can take the risk. I'm never sure of the outcome and to tell the truth I really wonder sometimes if I should. I suck at reading women. I just can't do it. I once thought I could but I got it really wrong once and I figured they're unpredictable. I was a fool to even try actually.

Thanks for your advice. This may actually be the advice I need deep down. A distraction that I have to put away. I'll live as I do normally would now before I met her. To breathe deep, and be myself. Thanks to all of you.