Entrapped by gf

[Mrconduct]

Been in a relationship for 7 months. It's been amazing. My gf mentioned a scrabble app to play. I did and ended up chatting harmlessly with another woman who I played with. The person kept flirting, asking me out, and complimenting me, but I either ignored or directed back to the game. Unfortunately I was curious about her look so I gave her my phone #. I found out the next day it was my gf. She's furious and feels I've done this before. I have never and had no intent to actually meet her. I was just flattered by the attention and the banter. Now she won't speak to me, wants space, and hinted at ending what we have. Was it wrong for her to do this? There was absolutely no reason to suspect I did anything before and I've honestly never chatted or even looked at another person.

Why would she do this? I'm in love with her....more than I've ever been and don't know what to do.

[bunnyhabit]

you got caught cheating by her, so you deserve to lose her. you knew you were in a relationship with her but hit on another opportunity.

be faithful to next girl and learn the lesson

[Mrconduct]

I had no intention on cheating on her. Keep in mind she has been chatting her up and asking her out all the time. She doesn't tell them she has a boyfriend and doesn't block them...how is that different?

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Sorry, I meant men text her

[bunnyhabit]

because she was testing you, so of course will lead you on to hit on her. you were cheating, she was not since talking to her boyfriend (you)

very different goals

[Hooo!]

Thats bullshit bunny habit
Everyone likes some flatter
Although I wouldn’t have given the # it doesn’t really matter

If she doesn’t trust you there is something you are not getting
There’s a reason for it

Be that as it may
If she doesn’t accept that you like some flattery from other people she has some growing up to do
If she wants to do that alone then let her go

If she wants to do that with you then she will be welcome to do so

And after all: talk to her more about what you feel and think, also towards other women.

If you have told her about this flattering stranger who played a game with you in an astonished way this would have shown strength

If you want you can show her this.
I also want to add that deceiving your man to be unfaithful is not better than being unfaithful.
Both just mean you don’t trust or talk to each other enough about important things

[bunnyhabit]

two cheaters band together, has no effect on sins

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you have been found out and dumped no matter what anyone says

[breathe123]

She obviously didn't trust you to begin with & what you did basically proved her suspicions right & that is what hurts her the most.

Why would you EVER give a stranger online your phone number, especially a woman when you are in a relationship?

[Hooo!]

Why would you ever snoop out your boyfriend and pretend someone you are not just in order to tempt him?
It’s the same thing.

If you see it technically (as you seem to be) then he did nothing wrong because he flirted with his gf and gave her his number.

If she doesn’t trust him how come she doesn’t speak with him but needs to deceive him
It’s something that he didn’t do.
Yes maybe he flirted with a girl and found her compliments nice. What man wouldn’t ?

[TheEvilJester]

As far as I see it, you were both wrong to some degree. You did nothing wrong (in this situation, at least)... until you gave this "stranger" your phone number without making it clear you had a girlfriend.

Do you know for a fact she KNEW it was you and was testing you? I only ask because I almost wonder if SHE was actually cheating on you, not realizing that she was technically cheating on you WITH you.

Whether or not it was entrapment depends on if she knew it was you. Either way, it is wrong for different reasons. If she knew it was you, then it was wrong to try to trap you rather than just talking to you if she had doubts. If she didn't know it was you, then she was cheating and is only mad at you because she thinks you were too. Either way, that doesn't paint a very flattering picture of her.

Have you ever given her reason to mistrust you? It doesn't make her actions okay even if you did, but I could at least somewhat understand. If you have NOT (like, honestly have never been anything but trustworthy) then that only makes it even more wrong in my eyes because she is trying to cause trouble where there is none.

You are certainly not wrong for being flattered by somebody flirting with you. Though, definitely you shouldn't have allowed it to continue since you are in a relationship. But, again, that does not make her actions okay, not even in the slightest. How can there ever be trust in the relationship if she can't just be honest with you and instead tries to play these immature games? To be honest, this sort of crap would be a deal breaker for me. So, if it were me, I'd personally probably end things.

Maybe that isn't what you want to do. I can't tell you what to do, I can only tell you what I would do. If you still hope there can be a chance, then I'd start by talking to her about this. I definitely do think you should make it clear you had no intention of actually pursuing anything with this person you thought was a stranger.... but you should still admit that you probably shouldn't have even given the person your number and should have made it clear you weren't single. HOWEVER.... do not let her just get away with blaming you. She was VERY wrong in what she did. I'm not saying you approach it like that. But she needs to understand that what she did was a violation of your trust and that if she had concerns she should just be honest and talk to you about them.

Good luck to you either way.

[Mrconduct]

Thank you every one for taking the time to reply. You need to understand that I don't need to lie on this forum, so believe me when I say she had absolutely no reason to suspect I was or would do something with this. No woman texts or calls me, I don't hide my phone, we're always in contact so she knows where I am all the time.

She on the other hand, keeps her phone private, still has gentlemen asking her out. Now I know she wouldn't do anything with these guys....I would expect the same level of trust.

She knew it was me

[Hooo!]

Well actually I wouldn’t be so sure about her not doing anything. If she suspects you if veing capeable and going to such extremes to prove nothing then it is because she can imagine someonedoinh this. As itsobvioisly not you i personally wouldn’t be surprised if that was her

[bunnyhabit]

your girlfriend gave me this great idea to check on my lovers. i thank her so much for the hint.

[Hooo!]

If you’ve got a gut feeling that something is wrong Do talk about it
If it doesn’t go away and you feel your partner is dishonest then maybe do check
However if you simply cant trust anyone then they are not the problem
If you cannot trust the person you love then for me this would be a reason to not be with them.
I don’t even know if love without trust is possible. For me those are interrelated

[TheEvilJester]

Thank you every one for taking the time to reply. You need to understand that I don't need to lie on this forum, so believe me when I say she had absolutely no reason to suspect I was or would do something with this. No woman texts or calls me, I don't hide my phone, we're always in contact so she knows where I am all the time.

She on the other hand, keeps her phone private, still has gentlemen asking her out. Now I know she wouldn't do anything with these guys....I would expect the same level of trust.

She knew it was me

I can't speak for anybody else, but I was 100% not intending to imply that you may have been lying. It's just, we can't know the whole story. Personally, in most cases I don't feel comfortable settling too resolutely in any opinion without enough details, that's all. Hence why I didn't necessarily want to come in with a response damning her to Hell for her ridiculous level of mistrust.... only for you to come back and be like "Well... there were those 7 other times I cheated on her... but I totally swore to her that was the last time." LOL! Believe me, that's definitely an extreme example, but I HAVE seen things like that on this board in the past. Somebody comes in with their story, people respond, and then little by little the OP shares more details and they wind up being VERY important details that change the story profoundly.

But... to be honest, I sort of had a feeling that the implication here was definitely you had NOT given her any reason not to trust you, and the more you share the more I feel that way. The more I feel that way, the more I think she is even more guilty of being the one to violate the trust in your relationship and not the other way around.

Nothing that could explain her behavior would make it okay in the slightest, don't get me wrong.... but I have to imagine she probably HAS been cheated on in the past. It isn't like it is unheard of, but people don't generally become so un-trusting without something causing it. BUT... and this is a big but here... that shouldn't have to be your problem. Even if she does have a past of guys hurting her like that.... YOU shouldn't be punished for THEIR crimes.

The other possibility on which I cannot help but speculate is the possibility that she may be cheating or at the very least may be a cheater by nature. Often times cheaters are exactly the people who become so crazy paranoid that their partner is cheating. I'm not going to say it is definitely that. Again, it could very well just be that she has a past of being hurt by guys and that has made her super paranoid. But, it is still a possibility.

When it comes down to it, though, a lack of trust is certainly a good enough reason to second guess whether a relationship is worth continuing. Especially in a situation like yours when you have given her no reason to suspect you. Otherwise I would wonder how you could EVER earn her trust in her mind if a flawless record of loyalty wasn't even enough for her to try to entrap you.

Like I said, this would be a deal breaker for me. Maybe it is for you, maybe you can see giving her a chance. I think talking to her about this is probably the answer either way. It's just a matter of do you talk to her in the interest of getting things back on track.... or do you talk to her with the idea being you are moving on and ending things? Either way, I always recommend doing your best to have as constructive a conversation about it as possible. Whether you want to end things or give it another try, think of it like constructive criticism rather than like an excuse to tell her off. Though I do think we all know how tempting it can be to unleash on somebody.

Good luck to you either way. The bottom line is relationships have to be built on trust. In order for that to happen, your partner has to actually be willing to trust you unless you prove unworthy of said trust. She has seemed to see fit to decide you are not worthy of trust without even giving you a chance and that is NOT okay.

[madotnw_nihs]

So how did she get matched up with you in an app? Can you specifically add a person? On scrabble app, you can either play with a friend on fb or a random opponent.
So must have created a fake fb, added you and played?

I agree with Evil that the mistrust is root of the problem. I don't know how many guys would not welcome flattery from another girl. I probably wouldn't have given a stranger my phone number, but it's understandable.