Do you think there's a way out of the friend zone

[Bobby267]

Hello and thank you for taking your time reading my post.
Even though my question is in the title of the thread i think i should give some background story for it.
I'm 28 years old and i have a female colleague that i'm strongly attracted to and I'm pretty sure that she considers me a friend due to my own stupidity.
When we first met 5 months ago I knew that I found her extremely attractive, but since I'm not a flirty person, nor was i looking for anything from anyone I never paid it no mind. A month later she needed some help with something and I offered to help (still never expecting anything) and we got to talking. It turns out I really liked her as a person too - we got to talking more and more and I ended up helping whenever i could never wanting anything in return - it was a pleasure to know that i was helping HER and it was a pleasure talking to her. We got to know each other and share with each other whenever there was something bothering us. A month ago something happened that got me thinking how much I really cherish every moment spent with her - I've been giving her a ride every morning and most days that is the highlight of my day and I know she feels comfortable around me too.
Ever since i realized i have feelings for her - I started to flirt with her but subtle - to see her reactions - I give a SINCERE compliment (her hair, her outfit, her nails, her overall appearance) and I get a pretty blank "thank you" or a reaction like she doesn't believe me. I make a lot of eye contact and I smile a lot (again it's sincere), I know that she's comfortable with me touching her - but it never feels like any interest is there.
About me - I've been told that I'm an attractive man, I know that I'm very polite and I know that I'm very honest. Financially I'm very stable, I wear a smile on my face pretty much all the time but unfortunately I'm in poor health.
What's her attitude toward me - She often calls me to check up on me (mainly because of the poor health thing and I'm kind of an open book when something isn't going as it should), she opens up to me a LOT, talks about her family,friends,tells me about her day, asks about mine, shares her dreams with me, shares her problems with me and asks about advice. She even shares about all her bad dating experiences - past and current.That's why I think I'm very deep in the friend zone - I don't feel she would share her guy problems with me if she saw any dating potential in me.
Last Sunday she had to work alone. So i cooked up something I knew she would enjoy(I'm a pretty good cook - it's one of my strong features) and I kept her company all day. Again non of my compliments seemed like they hit the spot with her (the only thing she reacted to was the meal - she said it was a "cute" gesture). And then we just talked... about the guy she likes and treats her like dirt and chats up other girls and tells her about it... I'm pretty sure that they haven't had a 3rd date and that things went down the ditch there.
This Sunday she has to work alone again. I was thinking of going over and keep her company again (and yes cooking something). Do you think that I'm too deep in the friend zone, do you think I should try something more direct or should i keep being subtle and just be there for her or should I just give up entirely. Do you have any advice on how and what to do? I am not shy in the least (the only thing that has me worried is how much i would miss our conversations if things got awkward).
I find myself thinking about her pretty much every time that I'm not working on something - I'm even losing sleep over it - I want her, I fantasize about her (kissing her, hugging her, comforting her, being there for her, making her smile and laugh).
Thank you so much even if you just read this - believe it or not it wasn't even half of what i wanted to say but I know that this text is becoming too big so i had to edit it out a bit. I'm open to ANY advice.

[Mr Married]

You need to stop torturing yourself over it and finally make the choice only you can make: Do I take the risk of telling her my feelings or do I sit back and not risk our friendship over it?
If your going to be to miserable staying just friends then go for it.

[bunnyhabit]

some girls like me fall for bad boys hard and only befriend nice guys as platonic supporters. we like to complain about our bad boyfriend to them but still love our bad boy.

the fact she is discussing her lover with you is a bad sign. if you want her to notice you as a man, you can try being more aggressive and demanding with her to change her perspective on your personality from nice guy to boyfriend material. a hard kiss or complimenting her boobs or bum rather than things like her dress or fingernails may turn things around. also asking her to cook something for you rather than you doing it would be a plus if she is like me.

[missluna]

Hi Bobby,
judging from what you wrote, you're "just" a friend to her. Now this is neither your nor her fault, it's just the way it is. You can't force romantic feelings. Of course, you can make someone like you (and the way you're behaving and she's reacting I'm sure she values you as a friend) but you can't make her become romantically interested in you. I don't think that this has something to do with the "good guy/bad guy" thing my previous commentar has mentioned because all women have different taste in men.
If it's not too hurtful for you, I'd just stay friends with her (you said you loved her personality etc. so I'm sure you'll enjoy having a platonic friendship as well) and not risk ruining the friendship. Some day, the situation might change and she might fall in love with you too, but that's not certain.

[bunnyhabit]

Missluna your comment "because all women have different taste in men directly supports my comment "some girls like me fall for bad boys hard and only befriend nice guys"

. I don't think that this has something to do with the "good guy/bad guy" thing my previous commentar has mentioned because all women have different taste in men.

there are only two categories of taste good vs bad

[Minikimini]

To answer the question of your post: no.

Once you're there, you're there. If she feels no more attraction for you than someone who only wants a superficial friendship, then that's how she feels and you can't change that.

Just like if a girl who you had absolutely no attraction for was trying to get you to change you mind--but you know what you like and what you want in a partner. If she isn't bringing what you like, you're not going to give her a chance, are you? Same applies to you.

Everyone is entitled to their preferences in a partner. Not everyone is going to be someone else's cup of tea in a mate. That's how life rolls.

[smackie09]

Stop being available to her. Being so available is your first mistake, second mistake is that you should have simply asked her out on a date, and get to know her on dates. Being an orbiter earns you nothing but wasted time.

How to get out? Stop being her friend. Openly date lots of women, make sure she knows this...when you tell her about it. Post photos of you doing exciting things, going out to parties, clubbing, what ever makes you look like you are having a great time (without her). This will bring up your value. There are two kinds of "nice" guys, one that is a gentleman, but know his value, the other is a bend over backwards to please her shelp, better known as a doormat. Which one are you?

[pcmaster]

I think guy is caring beta male and he is okay with that. But you [MENTION=87417]smackie09[/MENTION] want him to be alpha male.

[amirhuxain]

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[PRW]

Smackie9 is dead on accurate about this. It isn't impossible to get out of the friend zone,...but it is very close to impossible. Most of the reason a guy ends up there is because of the guy's own actions. These actions are very embedded and difficult to change. You probably find yourself ending up in the friend zone all the time with women, just guessing. She needs to flip the switch to emotionally think of you in a sexual way rather than as her "buddy", and that is a very difficult switch to flip. For example if she were to kiss you in a romantic way while you're in the friend zone it would feel "icky" to her like kissing her brother that way. That is why it is so difficult to change.

There are good materials on Youtube but I don't know if I am allowed to post links in these messages. If you go to Youtube and find the channels "Coach Corey Wayne" and "Marni Your Personal Wing Girl",...then from the Channel page search "Friend Zone" you'll find a bunch of good stuff. Just use the lower search field, not the search field at the top. There are tons of others, but I trust those two pretty well.

[Lovedianaroses]

I think based on the way you treat her, you're not subtle at all. It's quite obvious you're smitten with her but it seems like she is friend zoning you because you are too nice to her and she is too comfortable with you. If she is talking about other guys in front of you, she is definitely not thinking of you romantically. I would suggest you stop giving her attention cold turkey and see how she reacts. Just stop doing things for her. Don't pick her up, don't cook her anything. Just mind your own business and do your job seriously. I guarantee she will at least start wondering and think about you differently. She will miss your attention. When this happens, don't go straight back to being nice to her because she will go back to friend zoning you again. Wait until you have her full attention, then ask her out on a real date and then take your time giving your affection.

I've been in this situation before where a guy was too nice to me so I wasn't into him. As soon as he stopped giving me attention, I suddenly began thinking about him, wondering what was wrong, and whether something was wrong with me. It's sad, but it's true that some of us women are attracted to bad boys. Perhaps it can be too much when a man is too nice and giving before we reciprocate anything. There has to be a give and take. We are kind of like men too. We appreciate what we have to earn.

[PRW]

It's sad, but it's true that some of us women are attracted to bad boys.

It's probably not the "bad" that you are attracted to. You are attracted to the "projected" confidence, masculinity, and leadership that seems to come from those guys even if it isn't real in the end. If you find a good guy that has those traits, and they are actually real with him,...that is what you are really attracted to.

[Lovedianaroses]

Yes, by "bad" I don't mean immoral irresponsible jerks. It's about confidence that makes them more masculine. And also a man who doesn't seem too desperate or have a woman be the center of their world. Guys who are more in control of their emotions seem secure and valuable, and if you have to wait until he shows his affection fully, it means he's not easily seduced by any woman, which means that he will be faithful in a relationship. It's more than just an ego thing for us women. It's the qualities of trustworthiness and reliability that we look for in a man.

[cocacola]

I knew a guy I was not at all attracted to as a friend for a year- his personality was so good and we had alot in common. I dated him for 3 years after being his friend for a year. He blind sided me lol. So yes, it is possible to move out of the friend zone. In my opinion its better to be friends first not so much pressure. But this being said, I am older and if I was younger I might not have dated a friend.