Complicated Situation

[GinniePie]

Hello everyone! I have a bit of a situation on my hands because my heart is in another place:

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and 2 months so far and we JUST moved in together. I'm 25 and he's 23. I love him dearly, and he is also my first. We decided to move into his mom's place because we've been wanting to move in together. It's a lot closer to his job and further away from mine compared to my parents place(where I was before) and we are keeping his old dog and his mother's dog(a bit of some work). She used to have one cat in her apartment and the dander still remains even though my bf rushed us to move in(there's still some of her stuff here). He wants to stay in Texas while I eventually want to move to California. After a year of experience of in house graphic design and 5 years of freelance graphic design experience I would like to move to California. He tries to push his ideas on me a lot and sometimes I feel like I don't have a say to things. I know he's not perfect though I don't really want to settle down now. He has told everyone that he wants to marry me, but I'm not ready to get married...and now I'm wanting to be single and live the single life which I feel that I've never really lived.

I don't want to break his heart, I was thinking to living with him just to see how it is. Then after my one year experience at my job then I'll apply to places in California. But I can't ignore my heart.

How do I break it to him? Or should I stay with him? What's the best way to go about this?

Thank guys!

[Mr Married]

Break it to him as soon as possible. Your going to harbor resentment all your life if you settle "his way" and never get to chase your own dream.
If it is truly meant to be....then you will eventually come back to each other again. Your still young, have no kids. Now is the time! And for God
sake what ever you do....do not get pregnant !

[GinniePie]

Thank you so much for your response Mr. Married!

I was thinking that the best time would be when I have my one year in house experience in May, then I leave. If I leave now i'll still be in Texas, it'll be hard to break it off and I'm still in Texas. What do you think?

[Mr Married]

May is real close so not a bad idea. Ok so like here is the thing. I have a very unusual type of job in which I spend a great deal of time with nothing to do but I can't leave my office. I've read thousands and thousands of threads on relationships and read countless books. The difference between you and all the other post I read (at the other site that I am usually on) is that those people are all further along in life and marriage and are there talking about there problems. You on the other hand are at the start of your life. I'm now going to tell you how your situation plays out in life. You get married. The sex and emotional connection are great. You get pregnant. The stress of life starts to set in. The sex and connection tapers off as you start focusing on the child. Your husband starts stressing about work. Up to this point your marriage has been as normal as everyone. But now this happens: you start to think about Cali. You start to harbor a very very small resentment about your husband and you fell very slightly trapped. You justify that it is ok because your doing it for your marriage and child. This will build in time in your mind and uncounsiosly you will slowly loss respect for your husband. As this happens the sex slows way down and your husband starts to get his own resentment. This builds over from what I have seen anywhere from 5 to 15 years until one day someone can't take it anymore. Your husband will become the "plan B" while you always wonder what you would have had with "plan A" guy.
Unless your current guy is strong, dominant, and confident.....this story is what will come to pass.

- - - Updated - - -

I forgot to say: Don't knock Texas...I love it here!!!!!!

[bulrush]

He tries to push his ideas on me a lot and sometimes I feel like I don't have a say to things.

Stop blaming him because YOU don't want to speak up. Speak up and talk about things. Relationships require compromise. If you two can compromise and still be ok, then you might make it. But if one person gets too bitter about the compromise, things will fall apart.

I know he's not perfect though I don't really want to settle down now. He has told everyone that he wants to marry me, but I'm not ready to get married...and now I'm wanting to be single and live the single life which I feel that I've never really lived.

You need to lead a single life then and get it out of your system. After my divorce I did things I normally wouldn't do and it was a lot of fun and I'm glad I did it.

I don't want to break his heart, I was thinking to living with him just to see how it is.

Growth and decisions are hard and painful. You must stop thinking short-term and think long-term. This one case where I allow people to be a little bit selfish. If certain things are that important to you, then break up with him.

Then after my one year experience at my job then I'll apply to places in California. But I can't ignore my heart.

If you use only your heart to make decisions you have a lifetime of non-stop pain ahead of you. Use your heart and brain. Think long-term.

How do I break it to him? Or should I stay with him? What's the best way to go about this?

I can't tell you to break up but here's what you could say:
"I really like you but it's really important for me to move to California eventually and you just don't want that. I think it's better if we break up. I wish the best for you."

This is how you learn to make decisions. Change is painful but sometimes necessary.

I had to break up with a gf that I really liked but we had some major incompatibilities. First she was terrible with money, and she never wanted sex, ever. I felt undesirable and ugly and useless. Otherwise she was there for me when I needed her, she was loyal and kind, but it wasn't enough. This was a really difficult breakup for me.

My divorce was very hard too but it was necessary. Later I found a great woman and we are both very happy together.

[Gary Griffin]

I think it's better you ask any relationship/dating coach here on this platform that might be useful to you. https://datingama.amafeed.com/