Went out with girl at work who just got out bad relationship; then I really screwed u

[85crthompson]

So I met this girl at work and we really hit it off. A situation where we didn't see each other in passing and we clicked so much we both we left wanting more after every brief interaction.

I did learn she just got out of a 2 year long abusive relationship- in fact a week before I met her he broke her nose when she went to get some things from his place.

I liked her a lot but took it real slow. In fact she first hinted that she liked me- big hint when her male friend was picking her up and she said don't worry he's gay- I don't want you to feel theatened. The next night I have her a ride and she asked for my #.

So things escalated to where we had a date. And it was awesome. We both confided a lot and made out but also it was clear she was kind of struggling with dating so soon. She kept saying she wished she had met me 2 years earlier.

Well there's a lot more I could say but long story short after that she started to pull away. We went back and forth..let's be casual..try to be friends first..then eventually to where she stopped replying to texts and turned down a hang out. Then started avoiding me at work.

I handled it poorly. I kept texting her every few days for a week after she stopped replying. Just dumb stuff..let's hang as friends..I'm here for you..idk. Not dumb but dumb- all caring and all genuine on my part to be with her but dumb in that she clearly needed space.

Well 1 day at work we had to work together on something, a rariety. And she wouldn't look at me or speak to me but talked and laughed with everyone else and I cracked. I was trying to be cool but I slipped her a note asking her to lunch. She said no real rude lol and I slipped her another asking when I became the enemy.

She got up and moved to another part of the office and later reported to HR that I tried to force her to go to lunch.

So anyway..here we are. We don't speak and she won't look at me. Our paths rarely cross but I feel terrible. For the first time I saw real potential with someone. What a connection. So much in common. And the physical too.

I want to give her space but I'm also desperate to make things right and hopeful we can date when she's ready.

So ladies how the heck do I fix this? I know it won't be any time soon. But eventually.

[bunnyhabit]

nothing upsets me more than when a guy sends me multiple text messages before i respond to first one.

how did you respond to her request to "let's be casual..try to be friends first..then" decision? seems she is overreacting if you agreed or scared of another bad relationship if you rejected her decision.

since she went as far as reporting you to HR she is genuinely afraid of your stalking her. best that you stop communicating with her until she contacts you to avoid bigger problems.

- - - Updated - - -

also is possible she went back to her ex boyfriend and is scared he will see your text messages and discipline her

[85crthompson]

I didn't over text..always wait for her replies.

As far as how I responded..well I tried to summarize but this went on for 2 weeks. Where she asked me on date 2..I couldn't but I did take her home..she broke down and said she couldn't..then asked to make out. I said it wasn't a good idea.

Then days later she goes silent. Ok I gave her space. Finally she texts me she's been depressed. I asked if she wanted to kick it and just vent and chill. She said no. Ok said cool.

Then she tells me she still isn't sure..I said I'm sorry because I know it's a lot and I don't want to be pushy..she said just be casual. I said cool. She stopped rresponding to texts and started avoiding me at work.

Finally got some face time with her and she said she couldn't do it, to forget her, she's not worth it, and ran off.

I text her a few times over the next week to no avail. Not blowing her up just trying to let her know I'm there.

Then we arrive to my depserate lunch note. Some stalker I am lol. But she did complain- actually to a manager we are both friends with but he I'm sure had to go to HR or maybe gave the choice Idk.

She probably didn't go back to the ex..she hates him and has to have surgery to repair her nose now.

I really can't stomach the thought that she hates me or fears me now. Fact is she opened up to me and I tried to be supportive but I know I got too caught up.

I just never felt such potential.

[Mr Married]

I think you really need to let it go. Do you want to lose your job over this? Every transaction with HR has to be legally recorded.
Do you want the next move to be harassment charges? Think about that with a clear head for a second. I bet when you first started
to get along so well you NEVER would have thought she would visit HR over you. Get your head straight.

[85crthompson]

Noted.

Now ladies..I've finally backed off to give her space and time. And I'm plenty ashamed it took her getting so upset she complained but I just wanted to be there for her.

My question again is..having pushed and ticked her off..and knowing how much she previously did like me..I'm hoping and assuming she does not just hate my guts now..how can I make it up to her eventually?

I know it may be weeks or months down the line. She is probably leaving our job soon- she doesn't like it and was looking- so that will help with the no contact.

But what does she need to hear? "I'm sorry" is true and what I want to say..I want to let her know I just got caught up and wasn't thinking straight because honestly I've never seen this much potential or felt this kind of connection.

But I'm scared when and if I were to try to talk to her whether by text or call or letter or in person outside work that she'll just refuse to hear it and shut me down.

So idk. Any ladies had a similar situation? What could the guy have done?