Gf's mom talks way too much

[kensmith33]

Okay... so, I really need to rant and release my anger somewhere. I’ll just rant here instead so I apologize in advance for any butthurt members out there. To make things detailed and clear, my relationship with my girlfriend has been going on for about 3 years now. We met during my visit in her hometown in Medellin for a meet foreign tour back then. Very lovely people. The locals are friendly and energetic wherever you go. But damn, I would’ve never thought there would be one friendly and energetic Costa Rican that would get on my nerves and it HAD to be my girlfriend’s MOTHER.

Where do I even begin?! The first time my gf introduced me to her family was during our first anniversary. I visited her over one weekend and that’s when I first met someone who I had to extend my patience with. She talks way too much and says the most obnoxious jokes. I know she doesn’t have any ill-intentions but come on, it gets annoying the more I hear them.

My gf doesnt know I dislike her mom but I dread the next time I’ll have to meet her mom again. How on earth can I explain this to her? She absolutely adores her mom and her talkative nature but I can’t imagine tolerating her for even a few days. I’d just hurt her if I were to be honest. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m almost at my limit even by just meeting the woman for just about 5 times over the span of our relationship. HELP ME.

[bunnyhabit]

is very dangerous to bad mouth a girlfriends mom especially if she adores her mommy. if you do you may lose your girlfriend forever.
everyone has to put up with people they don't like for someone they love.

you don't meet with her mom that often to risk losing your girlfriend over. just grin and bear it or find excuses not to visit family with your girlfriend.

[kensmith33]

is very dangerous to bad mouth a girlfriends mom especially if she adores her mommy. if you do you may lose your girlfriend forever.
everyone has to put up with people they don't like for someone they love.

you don't meet with her mom that often to risk losing your girlfriend over. just grin and bear it or find excuses not to visit family with your girlfriend.

My patience is literally running out but I'll try harder for my girl. She just pisses me off with how talkative she is. I didn't even know you can talk that much.

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly, I wish I could offer some more helpful advice, but I do think this is one of those cases where you just have to try to grin and bear it. I can't see how you could ever even hope to approach something like this delicately. How do you tell somebody they talk too much or you hate their jokes and NOT come across as insulting? Don't get me wrong. I understand how you feel. I'm not super talkative, so depending upon the person (with some people, I don't mind as much) I can find that pretty annoying when somebody is as well.

...But, sometimes you have to realize when part of that is just who you are. Plenty of people would probably find her mother's ways very charming and fun. So, it isn't like there is anything wrong with her being the way she is. That is who she is. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you for not really liking it either. That is just who you are. It might be the kind of thing you can learn to tolerate in time. Though, if you feel like you have to say something, I think about the only thing I would say could be passable would be to almost phrase it like you are blaming yourself. Something like "Sorry, I hope I don't seem rude if I'm not that chatty. I'm just not a super talkative person. I don't mean to be rude at all, I'm just not the most chatty kind of person." That's a much nicer way to approach it then telling her (or your girlfriend) that she talks too much/is annoying. And HOPEFULLY she'd understand that and therefore dial it back a little.

But, I do agree with the others. I don't know how you'd tell somebody they talk too much and NOT make it sound insulting.

[kensmith33]

Honestly, I wish I could offer some more helpful advice, but I do think this is one of those cases where you just have to try to grin and bear it. I can't see how you could ever even hope to approach something like this delicately. How do you tell somebody they talk too much or you hate their jokes and NOT come across as insulting? Don't get me wrong. I understand how you feel. I'm not super talkative, so depending upon the person (with some people, I don't mind as much) I can find that pretty annoying when somebody is as well.

...But, sometimes you have to realize when part of that is just who you are. Plenty of people would probably find her mother's ways very charming and fun. So, it isn't like there is anything wrong with her being the way she is. That is who she is. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you for not really liking it either. That is just who you are. It might be the kind of thing you can learn to tolerate in time. Though, if you feel like you have to say something, I think about the only thing I would say could be passable would be to almost phrase it like you are blaming yourself. Something like "Sorry, I hope I don't seem rude if I'm not that chatty. I'm just not a super talkative person. I don't mean to be rude at all, I'm just not the most chatty kind of person." That's a much nicer way to approach it then telling her (or your girlfriend) that she talks too much/is annoying. And HOPEFULLY she'd understand that and therefore dial it back a little.

But, I do agree with the others. I don't know how you'd tell somebody they talk too much and NOT make it sound insulting.

Maybe I should start by talking to my girlfriend about my problem with her mom. Wish me luck!

[bunnyhabit]

be very tactful and brief since she adores her mother ( not unusual for a daughter). this approach might make it easier for you to bow out of visits since your girlfriend will understand you hate her mother. also a test of her first loyalty mother or you. be prepared for the outcome as may be last convo with current girlfriend

[bulrush]

My mom and wife are like this. I had to talk to them openly how I need my quiet time as I'm an introvert. I had to talk to them many times before they would remember this, you can expect to do the same. So why can't you go somewhere else in the house or yard to relax?

Women need to bond with people like friends or family and this often involves talking. Sometimes it's a steady garden hose of talk, but sometimes it's a giant fire hose of talk that just bombards you. You could be sensitive to this if you are an introvert. And if you don't talk to them enough, they think you don't love them and might actually leave you. This is superb ignorance on their part, but you don't really want to stay with a woman that ignorant do you?

Just make sure to talk to the mom about this very openly, but be polite. She might have really bad insecurities and that's how some women try to cover that up. And some just like to talk because they are more social, especially with people they like. So, it sounds like she likes you! That's not all bad.

As far as her sense of humor goes, you have to learn to live with people who are different from you. If you don't want to hear the jokes, go to another room for a while.

[richiro]

find a middle ground. be honest with your wife that you'l do anything for your wife but the most you can do is a few days and then you need some space.
you did marry into the family so you did know this was coming - should've been addressed a long time ago...

good luck.

[Gary Griffin]

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[TheEvilJester]

Even if you start with your girlfriend, I still recommend approaching it delicately. Because, again, you can't necessarily vilify her mother for being so talkative. She's not wrong/a bad person for being so talkative, nor are you wrong/a bad person for not being very social. It isn't a crime to be an introvert. What WOULD be wrong, though, would be for you to think being an introvert is an excuse to be rude. Again, there are ways to delicately approach the situation, or even to kind of dance around it a little. As others have said, when you visit her family it isn't like you are obligated to be front and center 100% of the time. You can take a quick breather here and there. Or, again, there is the possibility I mentioned. Just sort of explaining you are not all that talkative. Almost word it apologetically like you are offering that as an explanation as to why you maybe you are a bit reserved. Hopefully she can take a hint from that and learn to balance it a bit more with you.

I'm an introvert myself, so I guess I wouldn't know for sure... but I would think even somebody super-extroverted/talkative could understand that if you approached it politely. And I would think their reaction would be to try to bend a little to make you feel comfortable. It's just, you definitely should not complain that she talks too much. Because, the honest truth is she doesn't "talk too much..." She talks too much FOR YOU.

I mean, don't get me wrong. If anything she does/says is offensive, that's maybe a different story. Like, if you don't like her jokes because they are offensive, that is definitely different. But, if you just don't enjoy her particular brand of humor, that doesn't make it okay for you to be nasty about it. Maybe her humor is just not your cup of tea... but there are plenty of people who would likely feel the same way about your sense of humor. Doesn't mean two people still can't get along.

Good luck to you.

[bunnyhabit]

if you attack her mother directly for any reason, you can pretty much kiss this relationship good bye. only discuss with your girlfriend away from her mother. let her handle any friction between you and her mother with her mother. if you get between them you and your girlfriend will become strangers.