Fiancee's mom wants to move in

[hrjackson30]

I just don’t get why my fiancee want her mom to live with us after our wedding. She and I have been staying in our apartment for about two years now. So far, we’ve established a good routine and chemistry inside the house. If we add in her mom to the mix, I’m afraid she might shake this balance. It kind of pieces me off how of all time my fiancee wants her to move in, she chose after the wedding. Isn’t that supposed to be our honeymoon period? How do I tell her that I don’t want her mom with us? At least not after our first year.

You see her family’s used to this kind of thing since they’re kind of a tight family. Her mom’s from Cebu who met her dad in some asian date tour. Her parents got married and lived here in Chicago since then. Two of her mom’s siblings migrated here too and lived with them for a while. Basically, living with extended family members is a walk in the park for her. But it’s not for me. I need help to survive this fiasco. Someone save me.

[Oldgal]

The thing is most of the time living with extended family members looks good on the surface. But internally a lot of the times its disaster. Parents have a hard time not overstepping their boundaries. Its also difficult for the parent of one person to show the same time of care/concern for the in-law.

Also, you are more inclined to act as the child when there is a parent involved. This is because the parents usually take on the gaurdian role and the kids are usually left with no choice but to be the dependent at that point. This is a problem because you are adults now, not children.

Overall, i would suggest that moving parents in is a bad idea. I think having this talk is SO important BEFORE you get married. There is still time to break things off if you cant see eye to eye on this. I know it sucks. But i am telling you, it is better to end it now, then get married, become miserable, have your spouse resent you and then sign up for divorce...

Maybe there are some parents out there who are exceptional at treating both people the same and not over stepping their boundaries. I have yet to meet someone like that! But i dont know your future in-laws. Perhaps they are the exception this this rule/norm...

If you cant see eye to eye on this, i would strongly suggest reconsidering the marriage. No one can tell you what to do. This is based on my experience.

[bulrush]

This is common with Asian families. They want you to support their parents. If the parents don't live with you, they expect you to send them money every month, and will manipulate you if you don't. If you don't have strong boundaries and know how to handle an possibly overbearing mother, don't do this.

[richiro]

well.. if she had mentioned this prior to getting married all along and you agreed - you either have to agree or get divorced
if she made no mention of this until after you got married.. then you have the right to refuse and say no (and be ready to lose her)
if she had mentioned it and you refused all along - then you're an idiot for not guessing what was coming and anythign is okay to respond but be ready to lose her.

for me.. i say you got to do what you go to do to make you happy and what you feel is right. So say no.. that you are not comfortable with it nor do you think the living arrangements in that way will be good for your relationship. Again.. be ready to lose her if you do this.