Am I a Red Flag - Please Help

[Love07]

Well here you go, I'm 38 and never been in a long term relationship, am I a red flag for men? And am I even more of a red flag because I've been on numerous of unsuccessful dates that haven't turned into anything long term? And if I am a red flag how the hell do I get over this hump so that some man would actually take a chance on me, enjoying my company and having fun. instead of being concerned of my lack of long term relationship experience and start looking for whats wrong with me?

A little about myself...
- i'm 38.
- I've only ever had one boyfriend back when I was 20.
- I spent my 20's having fun, enjoying life, travelling and working on my career.
- I would say men are attracted to me physical. i'm no super model but I was say I'm easy on the eye.
- Average weight.
- I exercise and eat healthy.
- I have a lot of friends and a decent social life.
- I part own a business (coming up to 4 years now).
- I really want to settle down and start my own family.
- I'm close to my own family.
- I'm quite independent. I'm capable of doing things by myself. Not that I really want to keep doing things on my own, it's just how my life has panned out.
- I like to think I can hold a conversation.
- I'm stubborn and I can be a bit blunt at times.
- I'm definitely not perfect.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

[jay2665]

Honestly to say, your age is a little bit older to man who wants a relationship with that is a main reason why you are a red flag.

Bt somehow i have some ways for you to save yourself.

Briefly to say, first, keeping your appearance young like dressing, make-up and exercise. Old age doesnt mean you are really old. Dressing like a 25-29 years old girl is not difficult if you want that image. It helps to attract the men in age 40-49 . Second, to be open-minded, most of men dont like a too strong girl both in working and household. You have to put down your old concept, try to be a '' small women '' and let some things be done by man. This is giving your man sense of respect and existence.

Hope that can help you ~

[bulrush]

You're not a red flag to men with confidence and who understand the skills required for a healthy relationship. But since you waited so long to get into relationships that might be a red flag for the average guy who still hasn't found his confidence. Personally, I like women who can take care of themselves, and at least you had fun in your younger years and got that over and done with, so perhaps you really would be able to commit and actually have a healthy relationship.

To find a man you must illustrate clearly, and by past results, that you provide value to the relationship. You have value if:

- If you can pay half the bills and dates.
- If you can plan ahead 40 years and execute that plan successfully you have value.
- If you understand relationship psychology and what a healthy relationship really is. You will need a big education in this though.
- If you can talk calmly like an adult about anything at all without yelling, screaming, and making personal attacks. Because in a relationship, you WILL need to talk about some touchy things.
- If you have SOME retirement fund already. If you just wasted 18 years on partying, that is a self-centered person no one wants for anything serious.
- That you have an emergency fund. There WILL be emergencies and you must show that you are prepared.
- That you have no credit card or debt besides a house or car. This shows good money management which is important to me.

[PRW]

I don't see any red flags for marriage. But your age is a health issue with trying to have kids. However you are looking at guys in their 40's and 50's, they probably already have kids and Ex's. So you can easily have step kids if you don't mind that. Having your own is a possibility but risky and you have to consider that you'd be in your 60's by the time they kids hit college.

I'm 55, no kids. Not expecting any. There is nothing about you that seems like a red flag to me.

[bulrush]

And don't expect to find a guy who wants kids. Most guys are done having kids.