Starting to like my match too mutch. Don't know what to do. Continue or let go?

[Lars77]

So I matched with this girl on Tinder and we started texting. We hit it of really well and I asked her out for a drink after about 4-5 days, she said yes but not ready to meet yet (she is in a period when she has to focus on herself with a new job and workingout) and would let me know when she is ready to meet (has indicated about a monthstime). We kept texting every day for about a week and flirting with each other. About a week ago I gave her my number and told her that I rather stop texting on Tinder and keep texting on imessage (fells more intimate), she responded on imessage within minutes. We have been texting more or less each day for about 2 weeks now, between just a couple of texts to 50-60 texts per day. She texts a lot ones we start, uses a lot of smileys (blush, winky, laughing etc), sends memes (funny ones and flirty), asks questions and always replies quick (usually about 10 minutes or less). I have been initiation most of the times but recently she has been initiating more. She has told me a number of times that she thinks that I’m funny and cute. Even though we haven’t meet yet I’m really starting to like her and have probably been a bit to flirty and forward. She knows that she is my only match, don’t know about her matches (she imessage me that she didn’t see me anymore on Tinder, send me a screenshot with no matches, noticed that I had deactivated my account, have now activated my account and she now sees me as her match, don’t know if that means that I’m her only match or if there were some Tinder server problems). I will be waiting for her, the big problem is that she is going to move to another country next year to study (which she has been up front with from the beginning) so I guess she’s not interested in a real relationship. Yesterday we had been texting for a while she send a long text telling me that she thinks I’m very cute & sweet but that she doesn’t want me or herself to have any hopes and expectations, and she doesn’t want me to think that she is being difficult and backward. Seems like she has had some bad experiences with previous matches (guys not being themselves). I replied that I don’t have any hopes and expectations and have not tried to play any games (which is true), she liked my reply. But of course I hope that we like each other in person like we are in texting and if we do I would like to get in a relationship. So, I guess what I’m looking for is some advice and thoughts. We are both older than 30.

[GLYC]

Not ready to meet after a month ?

I'd say.
"let me know if you ever change your mind, I'd really love to see you"
Fuuuuuck thaaaat noise. Lol

Look at what a woman does, not what she says

I'd say she's not as interested as you think. Or it's a fake person?
Sounds sketchy.

Regardless, I'm interested in actual dating, not text-lationships.
That suit never works.

[TheEvilJester]

I do agree, for the most part, with GLYC. I mean, honestly, it is entirely possible she's being 100% honest. It is entirely possible she likes you and COULD see dating you, but just doesn't want to enter into anything serious with anybody since she will be leaving soon. Or, it could be possible she just isn't into you and didn't want to hurt your feelings.

The truth it, whichever is the case, the end result would still be relatively the same anyway. Which is you not being anything more than friends, basically. So, if it were me personally, I think the options would be as follows.

A) Tell her that you understand that she doesn't want to get too serious with her upcoming study, but that you would still at least like to meet. If she still doesn't want to, then that is fine for her (she doesn't owe you anything, so don't treat her as though she did anything wrong), but it's not necessarily fine for you. So, that may be your excuse to move on. If she agrees to meet up, then how you two get along in person should at least give you some indication if there could be something there. If it seems like you two COULD hit it off if it weren't for her upcoming travel, then it may be worth it to at least leave the window open for something to happen in the future. Just don't put your life on hold and wait around forever.

B) You decide that it sounds like she's probably just trying to let you down easy, so you politely wish her the best but explain that you are looking for something serious so you don't want to waste your time or hers. You move on and look for love elsewhere.

C) You decide to take her at her word and give her time in hopes that maybe after she returns she'd be interested in exploring the relationship then.... BUT, you still don't wait around for that to happen. Similar to option A, you leave that window open... but you don't wait around counting on it. Maybe in time you meet somebody else, fall in love, and she misses that opportunity. Maybe in time she meets somebody else. Or, maybe in time you two do come together after all. Don't close that window completely, but just don't count on it either.


Those, to me, would be the best options. You don't want to be pushy and try to force her into something if she's not ready or possibly just not interested. By the same token, though, you shouldn't put your life on hold and wait around for somebody. MAYBE she's being honest and in time it would work out... but more often than not with things like this it is just the person thinking they are letting you down easily and avoiding hurting your feelings. Maybe that is what she is doing, maybe she truly does like you but just doesn't want to start something with anybody right now. But you are looking for something serious. So, if that can't be her right now then maybe it could be somebody else. In time, maybe it will be her, and that is fine if you want to explore it then. On the flip side of the coin, maybe it won't ever be her and then why waste all that time?

Good luck to you either way.