Chose the wrong partner but years after realizing I also might have a huge issue

[sailorjerry1986]

So, I'll start by saying most of my friends wives and GFs have said they don't want to meet my " new girls" cause the don't want to get attached to them, or they tell me not to hurt them. I'm well built, good looking, charming, and have been getting better and better and meeting women, however, I know this, and subconsciously I think I've turned into a douche bag/player at 31. It's not cool anymore. Now. I have commitment issues. Let me start by saying I KNOW i get anxiety about commitment and I've read websites about recognizing people like me and its uncanny. They're spot on. I HAVE loved one woman so much. But she reminded me of my family life growing up. She was verbally and physically abusive, cheated, and always kept me on my toes. She was physically gorgeous, and has always chased me. She will beg for me back to no ends, but assumes the role of some victim. She will admit she has her faults, but doesn't actually work on them when we finally get dragged back into the relationship. She will have emotional meltdowns sobbing until 5 am for no reason and just spend the entire night demanding that I " FIX IT". when what started the whole... fight? was just an upset stomach or she'll even start pouting mid sex. I know she is damaged goods and I run from her for good reason, not to mention she's cheated numerous times. But with her, I stayed, with my two most recents I ran and not necessarily for good reason. But I have noticed I'll meet the " perfect candidate"- financially, emotionally stable, beautiful, knows how to cook, and take care of her man. But instead of being happy I start building this story in my head, picking them apart. Its insane to me. For instance I'm currently dating a cute little black girl, she has fake nails, fake hair, giant boobs, amazing amazing body, she's a nurse, single mom, makes good money, always offers to give me massages, cook for me. I literally looked her NPI nursing number up yesterday because I started thinking, because she has these weird work hours, and has this body/fake hair/nails thing, that she's possibly a prostitute secretly and has been lying about being a nurse. Guess what, she's a damn nurse. But here I am picking this girl apart, thinking of valid reasons i can't trust her or be with her. I sound crazy, and its so sad. I yearn for longevity, love, connection. But crazy dramatic relationships are the only ones maybe I can stay in??? I don't know what to do. But I'm lost. Im obviously broken, and I don't know how to get away from these destructive habits. I can understand leaving my ex who cheated, but creating some scenario where the girl I'm dating, because she maybe looks a little trashy, is lying and is actually a prostitute???? I'm at a loss, and I don't know how to rectify this issue, before I'm 50 years old and dying alone. All I want is to be able to emotionally open up to a possibility of having a normal future with a woman and starting a family.

[harmony1]

hi, It must be hard to trust after what you have been through in your previous relationship. My advice to you is to take it slow. take time to know each other. Having these thoughts in the beginning is normal because you want to protect your heart again. it is normal to be suspicious in the first phase of a relationship, it will make you ask all the questions about the partner but then you also need to find the answers.
Take your time to know her. How about fetching her at work one day or dropping her. Meet her friends and colleagues after work, it is in the process of getting to know her and there is nothing wrong with that.
some women can choose to wear fake nails because their natural nails break easily and they want to look tidy and nice. As for the hair it is very common for black woman to wear wigs or use fake hair because their natural one does not grow that much. and it is frustrating for some to always look the same. I am sure she is a trendy one
Trust is earned and comes with time. so dont rush things and take your relationship step by step and see if you can go further.