It's Over....Thank God

[bluesummer]

*sprays breath freshener in mouth*

N I N A - What up girl? ^_^

I got here too late, all the good stuff's already been said. I'm really sorry this jerkoff hurt you... =/

But trust me - you will have absolutely no trouble finding someone new, for all the reasons already mentioned. But you might have to pull all their applications for the kid out in NE!

Maybe with this change - it's time to move to the states? O

Hey Tony!! How you doin'??

Your application is always at the top of my pile, sugarbuns. Ha ha ha.

Everyone please don't tell Bluesummer, Vancouver was voted number 1, it will ruin everything....

By the way, Nina sounds like a Russian name, any relatives from that side of the world?

I already know Vancouver is number 1. In fact, most Vancouverites know it, but we don't like to spread it around because we don't want more people moving here and ruining it for us. And no, I'm not Russian....mom named me after some chick on a soap opera. Nice.


And to all who have replied....thanks. Any and all thoughts are appreciated.

[whaywardj]

What's for us to say except "Congratulations"? You seem to have everything well in hand. Unless I'm missing something...

BTW, Spent a little time in your neck of the woods (Seattle, San Juan Islands). LOVED the area.

[bluesummer]

Ah well, Hayward......now there's the issue of how he is TAKING all of this.

For one, he claims I never came to him with any of these issues, so that I am 'springing' all of this on him and not giving him a chance. He's been teary eyed and miserable for two days. Claiming he'll do anything I ask him to do to change, because he wants to be with me for the rest of his life. Begging me to let him prove himself. I mean, I still love him, so he's almost broken me down......it's hard to be so hard hearted about all of this. It's killing me.

[independent]

Ditto - I feel the same...

After a particularly moving bout, I have to open up my recent journal entries and remind myself why I am doing this...

[bluesummer]

That's hilarious - I was going to do the same thing. Remind myself why I'm doing this again.

[misombra]

nina's single everybody and we're going out. better get out that little blue dress. i'll buy the first round and we'll let all the boys buy the rest.

[Mish]

nina's single everybody and we're going out. better get out that little blue dress. i'll buy the first round and we'll let all the boys buy the rest.

I'll get her something nice, how about a B52?

And no, I'm not Russian....mom named me after some chick on a soap opera. Nice.

Yeh, that is nice. My dad named me after himself...

That's hilarious - I was going to do the same thing. Remind myself why I'm doing this again.

I think that list you posted should be a reason enough... The Bluesummer I know would never puts up with crap like that!

...But, I know how you feel. Took me months to fully recover from my 2 and a half year relationship... (A while back) I remember seeing everything as if it was in black and white, this hopeless emptiness... bleh

*Hugs*

[misombra]

sounds good. i'll start it off with some mai tai's.

[bluesummer]

I like sambuca shots. A very hot guy friend was buying them for me in Vegas, and the combination of sambuca and him made me forget allllllllllll my troubles. Yum. Yum.

[whaywardj]

Ah well, Hayward......now there's the issue of how he is TAKING all of this....

Ah, yes. For some strange reason, hadn't given him thought. But now that you compel it, let me offer this:

Nine times out of ten, if a man KNOWS you're leaving him and promises to change in any way he needs to make you stay, he WILL keep his promise. For a month or two or three. Or for as long as it takes for him to feel things are "back to normal." Then, since it's far easier to backslide than to change, he'll begin re-introducing his "old ways" back into matters, one little piece at a time. Each piece you again tolerate will be a tacit agreement to accept the next.

Just as accepting his promise is a tacit agreement to re-accept all of them.

Sadly, the only thing that MAY cause him to actually change IS losing you. You won't reap any reward from the new understanding the experience may give him. His next woman might. Instead of struggling with yourself to keep a hard heart, try taking the longer view that all you're doing by leaving him is making him a better man...for someone else.

I'd keep that journal handy.

[bluesummer]

Ah, yes. For some strange reason, hadn't given him thought. But now that you compel it, let me offer this:

Nine times out of ten, if a man KNOWS you're leaving him and promises to change in any way he needs to make you stay, he WILL keep his promise. For a month or two or three. Or for as long as it takes for him to feel things are "back to normal." Then, since it's far easier to backslide than to change, he'll begin re-introducing his "old ways" back into matters, one little piece at a time. Each piece you again tolerate will be a tacit agreement to accept the next.

Just as accepting his promise is a tacit agreement to re-accept all of them.

Sadly, the only thing that MAY cause him to actually change IS losing you. You won't reap any reward from the new understanding the experience may give him. His next woman might. Instead of struggling with yourself to keep a hard heart, try taking the longer view that all you're doing by leaving him is making him a better man...for someone else.

I'd keep that journal handy.

'

Thank you. That is exactly the way I see things, and having been in an even longer and worse relationship before this, I know the outcome. Both my ex and I morphed into the people we always wished each other would become....AFTER we'd met other people. I know my current bf will never truly change his ways for me, because he's tried before and gone back to his old ways. It's not a risk I'm willing to take with my future. Now that I'm armed with a better understanding of what I won't tolerate in a relationship, I'm bound and determined to make sure I don't get caught up in the same crap ever again. (In fact, I think I've already met the perfect candidate....but I'll give it some time )

As for the journal....it's pretty funny, all my friends have been saying the same thing. "Feeling doubtful Nina? Go get the journal!"

[whaywardj]

"...Already met the perfect candidate..."!??

I thought we weren't going to discuss our personal affairs on the board, Bluesummer.

[Mish]

Careful Nina. Perfect (Straight out of a relationship) candidates are ussually rebounds

[whaywardj]

AND can be further devastating.

[Tone]

Yeah just don't rush into anything, give yourself time to get over the breakup. (You already know all this)