What's going on here?

[bnme90]

So, back in January this year, I met this girl (21) at a restaurant who happens to attend the same college as I do. We've texted back and forth since then, and we finally met a week ago due to schedule conflicts in between.

So we met up for coffee/drinks last week, and during this date, I think it's safe to say that she was showing signs of interest, at least in my opinion. The things she asked me (IN DETAIL) included: my last relationship (how long it lasted, why it ended, what the girl looked like), my hobbies/interests, and...my sex life too. She said she's a virgin, never been in a real relationship, and at one point during the date, was too nervous over how I thought of her appearance. She even told me to lie if I thought she was ugly. Obviously, I told her she looked good, and tried to calm her down. She seemed pretty innocent, sweet, almost like the perfect girl...

Except...

She takes forever to text back. FOREVER.

This started happening since I met her, when one text a day slowly turned into once every other day, to eventually once a freakin' week lol. Even on the day before our first date last week, when we were setting up the place and time, she took hours in between to respond, which goes on record as the fastest time so far lol.

This kinda messes with my head, especially since I tend to overthink things. Could it be that she's just not that into me? Maybe I misread signs? Or is she not ready to date? Whatever the case may be, I know she's intentionally doing this, because somewhere during the date, she mentioned about how she's aware she takes a while to reply, but I panicked and didn't continue asking her about it, since I didn't wanna put her on the spot right then and there, particularly on a first date. Currently on a 4-day no reply streak lol...I know if a girl is interested that they'll obviously respond much faster, but I don't know, what do you guys think is going on here?

[jay2665]

just calm yourself down~maybe she has something to do and cant reply you in while~ observe it for a longer time if also no response, then find another girl instead

[PRW]

Too much texting before you actually got together,...you're lucky that you even managed to get together after that.

She was interested, but that doesn't mean she stayed interested. The way you answered all her questions on the "date" could have blown that,..and it is not like she is going to tell you that in the moment.

Her slow texting responses mean her interest is not that high any longer. The more you "push it" the lower it will go until she ghosts you.

1. Contact her only once a week
2. When you do that don't spend a bunch of time with pointless chit-chat,...SET A DATE!!
3. So contact once a week to set a date and go on that date once a week. For example contact on Monday or Tues for a Saturday date.
4. Do not do any texting or calling between setting the date and going on the date,... or between the date and setting the next one. That is only a couple days between each,...you'll live and so will she. She is hardly responding any faster than that now anyway.
5. Do not increase to more than once a week until she starts to reach out to you between the dates. When she reaches out to you use that as the opportunity to make the next date. NOW the dates will happen more often because it is based on when she contacts you. It puts her partially in control of the "rate" and it means the dates are at least partially her idea. If she is chasing you then she is not dumping you.
6. If she asks you to be exclusive later (and you agree to it) then you are boyfriend/girlfriend,...but you are NOT boyfriend/girlfriend until that happens. You are NOT to be the one to bring up that subject,...it has to be her.

[Minikimini]

SI tend to overthink things.

Stop doing this. It makes you look thirsty.

You've barely had a first date and already you expect her to meet your unwritten expectations.

[bunnyhabit]

you are way too overwhelming with the texting. not everyone lives on their phone. she probably has an active lifestyle like me so don't check texting convos often. you only casually dated one time. you are scaring her especially since she is virginal and not sexually needy for companionship.

[Hooo!]

Stop texting
Go out in person

[TheEvilJester]

COULD it mean that she's just not that into you? Sure, it could. Do you know what it could mean as well? That she just isn't big on texting. Believe me, I 100% understand how you feel. I'm not huge on texting... but if somebody texts with me I will text back. Heck, with the right person/people I could text back and forth all day.... and then even go days/weeks/months without texting yet one day just pick back up like we never stopped.

But, some people just aren't big texters, and it sounds like that MAY be the case with her. I agree completely with PRW's plan. I think it is actually good not to be in contact TOO much early on in dating somebody. Like anything, the plan is more of a guideline, so if the two of you happened to be more chatty then if it works for you it works for you. But, that plan is definitely a good rule of thumb. It is good to try not to put too much stock in all of that stuff too early in the relationship. For now, just try to set up more dates here and there. Maybe once a week or so. If she continues to show interest in that, the dates are where you will get a better sense of whether or not she's into you.

Trying to read into text messages is too hard. Text is cold and unfeeling. You don't really get a sense for how the person feels through just that. Too many subtle queues you get face to face or even at least on the phone are lost in text form. Now, on the other hand if you two became more serious and you STILL felt she didn't respond to you enough, or you still had reasons to doubt if she was into you enough, maybe then that would be a sign that you are perhaps not the right match. But, I think now it is maybe too early to tell just based on her not texting much. Especially if she said herself that she is just like that.