Ex girlfriends keeps calling me every night?

[Dardoch]

My ex and I broke up 5 months ago. I was the one who got dumped for numerous reasons: kind of cheated on her by kissing another girl in a club, by being too clingy, needy, emotional the last 2 weeks before the breakup etc. Pretty much deserved it.

So long story short, she basically started calling me every night at like 10-12pm the last week or two. The first converstation we had was basically just me apologizing for being a moron before our breakup occured and told her that i fully understand now why she dumped me. She's been continuing to call me every night since then and we've just been having a really nice, fun phone conversations.

My question is, why has she been calling me late at nite? She didn't mention what her real intentions are. I just don't want to seem clingy or needy again. I know she doesn't have a boyfriend and isn't activly searching for one, but I do want to be with her again since i still love her.

It's really weird to me that she only calls me at like 10-12 pm. I know she usually finishes work at like 9pm most of the days but still..

By the way, she also called me last night yesterday but i had to hang up since i was really busy and told her that i would call her back the next day. However, she replied with: "don't - i will call you tomorrow myself when i'm not busy". She sounded kind of mad.. i'm not even sure.. Opinions?

Have you called your ex boyfriend late at night and if so, why do you do it?

[DalM0m]

No I have never called an EX late at night. I'm far to straight forward to play games like this

What you do next depends on what you want. If you want to get back together, next time she calls, ask to meet. If you want her to stop bothering you, tell her to cut it out then stop taking the calls.

Before you say it, no asking to meet isn't clingy. It's one question, asked once. It's not repeatedly begging.

[Minikimini]

You need to ask her because only she has the reason why she does it. Why anyone else would/has done it is really irrelevant.

And to be honest, the only question you need to be asking her is "why are you calling me every night at this hour?" That's not a clingy question--that's a question to elicit clarification from her. I mean, what are her intentions in doing this? Is the reason that she regrets what she did in breaking up with your or is the reason that she's an attention monger and needs every guy she knows to validate her worthiness? Did things with her new boyfriend not work out and she's using you to mark time until a new guy surfaces?

There are a gazillion reasons for someone making these late night calls and we can speculate on it til times get better--the person with the answers is her and you need to point blank ask her what her intentions are with these late night calls, if you're that curious.

[Dardoch]

You know what? I'm actually gonna try to ignore her call for the first time tonight and see how she reacts to that. I have a feeling it will drive her nuts won't it? I read in the book that if you start moving on and caring less the more attracted women become towards you. People want what they can't have afterall... I just feel like ignoring her next couple calls will make her finally open up and let me know what her real intentions are and make her admit whether she misses me or not. I have a feeling that she doesn't even know herself what she wants yet and i gotta wait a bit once she figures it out herself. She's probably just trying to analyze me and see whether i've changed since our break up which happened 5 months ago, and whether it's worth a shot trying to reconcile or not.. I think the best thing to do for me is just to stay calm and act like a man and not like a needy, clingy guy i used to be to make her respect me a bit more.. Just my thoughts..

[DalM0m]

That's game playing. It's not how the NC rule works. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. When you implement the silent treatment you make things worse. The other person concludes that you are ghosting them & that you don't care. Then the person fades away. If you want answers talk to her. Don't try to manipulate her.

[GLYC]

I agree with DalMom. You said it yourself, you messed up, now you're going to ignore her?

Ignoring a self respecting woman causes her to give up and move on. Just ask her to meet up for drinks or something when she reaches out.

You're lucky she even did reach it based on all the circumstances that you did.

[hazey daisy]

She have roommates? maybe she doesn't want anyone to know she is talking to you again. I agree you should just ask her out. If she doesn't accept or gives you the run around, block/delete her number.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed with the others. I would personally NOT suggest ignoring one of her calls if you are simply doing it because you think it will make her finally come clean. As others have pointed out, that is game playing, and games are for children. You talk about wanting to "be a man." Well, then don't play childish games. ...Don't misunderstand, though. I don't mean to judge. I am assuming you weren't intending to be childish/play games. I am assuming you just legitimately thought that could be a good tactic to figure out what is going on here. But, as others have said, I do not think that is a good tactic at all.

That, really, is just being dishonest. I would also agree with the proposed solution the others have suggested. Just ask her. Either ask her out yourself, or just casually/innocently ask why she's suddenly started calling again. Yes, you made a mistake in the past....but you even admit that yourself. So, maybe she had every right to break up with you in the first place... but she does NOT have any right to punish you for that mistake now. So, if she wants to give you another chance now, she needs to just be honest about it. If she doesn't, but may want to be friends, she should make that clear as well. Worst case scenario, if she IS just some kind of attention seeker, then that is not something you need in your life. You'd be much better off learning that sooner rather than later so you can tell her to take a hike and finally give yourself a chance to move on.

Good luck to you either way.