I am feeling antsy?

[lm0905]

My boyfriend I dated previously in mid 2011-early 2013. We broke up because I was just super immature.*

We got back together towards the end of 2016 and have been happily together since (though we have had a couple of arguments, but nothing major). We’ve had discussions about moving out of our current city together for awhile, since we want to begin the ‘next’ chapter of our relationship.*

My boyfriend is pretty much perfect for me. We compliment each other so well, and even get comments from others that we work great together, so this issue I’m having really isn’t a problem that he’s done.*

So I’ve always had this ‘personal timeline’ of my future (ie: being married and at least pregnant by the time I’m 30), so I recognize I still have 5 ½ years to reach that.*

But there have been several people my age that I graduated high school and college with getting married and having children.*

Don’t get me wrong, I can recognize that I feel too young to do this now and I am super happy for these people, but I can’t help but feel a sense of jealously and I don’t know why.*

Realistically I can see a proposal happening in the next year or so (bf has talked about wanting to get married at the age of 30, so 2 ½ more years). But I don’t know why I’m starting to feel this pressure or this feeling of being inadequate since I haven’t reached this stage a lot of other people my age have already.*

I’m not putting any pressure on my BF about this (though we’ve had general talks that we do want to spend our lives with each other), but I don’t know how to quell these feelings of insecurity.

[GLYC]

"So I’ve always had this ‘personal timeline’ of my future (ie: being married and at least pregnant by the time I’m 30), so I recognize I still have 5 ½ years to reach that.*"


I feel like the personal timelines/times expectations are always a bad way to go.
That's just a recipe for overcomplicating things.
Obviously after a while and every situation is unique.

However, in regards to this one. My personal opinion.
I think it's unnecessary, it sounds like you're doing great so why complicate things, just let it unfold.

Don't worry about what other people are doing, you do you.

Insecurity is a cause of specific meanings that you yourself attribute to things and situations.

For example, an insecure person that gets dumped sees getting dumped as "im a failure, I'm not good enough", a secure person? "Maybe we will work things out again one day or else I'll eventually find someone else, etc."

- - - Updated - - -

I can't edit for some reason.
But, I think this situation would be different if you were with him for 10 years, you were 35, etc.

We can't really make you feel secure, that's something you have to do for yourself.
And, a lot of people are insecure at times, it's okay to have some flaws, nobody is perfect always.

[cocacola]

You have to give him an ultimatum, most guys wont address the marriage topic til you do. Better to start a family early than late. You dont want to be like me at 43 and childless racing against time so don't waste too much time in dead end relationships. 3 years max, then if nothing happens move on.

[TheEvilJester]

There is a phrase that comes to mind for me here. Compare and despair. What the means is that when you try to compare your situation to that of others, you will very nearly ALWAYS find some reason to be unhappy... to feel inadequate. Why do that to yourself? Especially when you even say yourself that you aren't ready for all that YET. Those things will come in time. Why rush them? Don't get me wrong. I know to some degree you can't help how you feel. Even if intellectually you know you aren't ready for kids and all that yet, you can't help but be a little jealous of those who already have that.

It isn't necessarily easy... but you just have to learn to engage your intellectual side as well to reassure yourself that was is right for others isn't necessarily what is right for you. That it is much more important that you make every effort to do things RIGHT rather than to do them just to do them. That's why I agree with GLYC about timelines being a bad idea. At least such specific timelines. Things like saying "I want to have kids before 30." Well... then what happens if you haven't met the right person by 30? Are you going to have kids anyway just for the sake of having kids? Then maybe be stuck with somebody who turns out to be VERY wrong for you? Or stuck being alone to parent your kids? I mean, MAYBE you'd be lucky and wind up with the right guy, but if you rush things you run too great a risk of doing things just to tick off those boxes.

Don't get me wrong. It is good to have some general guidelines. I'm not suggesting you just completely throw caution to the wind. You don't want to be TOO relaxed and wind up with some guy for 15 years and he still isn't showing any signs of taking things further. I'm just saying... you say things are pretty good with him right now. So, why ruin that by rushing things or issuing ultimatums? Don't wait forever if he doesn't seem to be moving things forward.... but at the same time don't rush things either. Sometimes you have to stop and enjoy life. Otherwise it will just breeze by before you know it.

Good luck to you either way.

[Hooo!]

What does he want in his future to happen?