What does he want from me?

[ClaireDeLune]

I have been seeing a man for about 7 months now. To me, he is everything I want in a prospective partner but I am having trouble figuring out if he feels the same about me. In my opinion, we suit each other perfectly. We text every day and he frequently initiates communication and dates. We see each other every weekend. He has introduced me to members of his family. He sometimes casually refers to plans he has for us in the future but we've made no concrete plans so far. So far it sounds kind of good right? However, I still can't tell whether he sees me as a potential long term partner or not.

My question is how long can the situation carry on like this before we have to sit down and have the "Define The Relationship" talk. I don't care much for labelling our relationship, but I don't handle uncertainty very well and I feel that after more than half a year of seeing each other, I am entitled to know where we stand with each other.

Is he perhaps just shy and insecure? Should I try harder to convince him of my feelings for him? We have not had sex yet (we do a lot of physical contact though), so he is not keeping me around just for that. Are these maybe signs that he's afraid of commitment or that "he's just not that into me"? Am I wasting time and energy by investing further in this potential relationship? He's NOT gay, and we both agree that we are more than "just friends".

Any input will be appreciated.

[DalM0m]

It seems to me that he is enjoying dating you. It's only been 7 months. If things are going well why do you have define them & have a conversation he may see as undo pressure? You know him. I don't. But if you get the sense that he's an "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" kind of guy meaning he prefers to let his actions -- showing up, dating you, not dating others -- speak for him, don't press to heard for words about forever etc just yet. Maybe after you reach the 1 year mark, confirm that he's not just casually dating you, biding him time 'til somebody better comes along but don't ask Qs like "do you see me as marriage material?"

[TheEvilJester]

It's only been 7 months. Maybe it is just me (though, apparently DalM0m agrees), but I don't think that is long enough that you need to worry yet. Sure, 7 months is long enough that you COULD have had that talk by now or have it soon. But, it isn't necessarily long enough that I'd think it is a problem if you haven't. Have you two at least officially decided you are exclusive? Have you two officially decided you are boyfriend/girlfriend? Or have you not really even had those talks?

If you've already had one or both of THOSE talks, then even more so I'd say no need to worry. 7 months is definitely not so long that you should be seriously talking future yet. (Marriage and stuff like that.) If you haven't even had those talks yet, even that may not be cause for concern. Especially given it certainly sounds as though he's not given you any reason to worry. You mention he's even talked about a future with you, you just haven't done anything concrete so far.

All the same, if you want to start having those talks, there is no reason you can't be the first to bring it up. Just don't bring it up as though you are worried. Don't bring it up as though you are demanding an answer/you are getting impatient or anything like that. He may just be happy where things are and not thought there was any need to bring up those talks. So, just approach it casually like you just wanted to make sure you two were on the same page. If it had been 7 years and this was still where you were that would maybe be a different story. 7 months, though? I wouldn't worry too much yet.

I know it would be nice if he came to you with these talks first, but there could be many reasons he hasn't and not all of them are necessarily bad. So, as best as you can help it, why worry over problems that may not actually be there unless you are truly given a reason to think there are problems? Good luck to you either way.

[cocacola]

Its a good sign he introduced you to his friends.

[Hooo!]

What do you want?